mama

Stay Close

2009-02-23T08:41:00.000-08:00

You must not lose faith, as there is no reason to even begin doing so! I am searching, searching, searching, and the search is going well! My explorations lead me away from my computer for days at a time, but fret not! Oh No Mama will bring you something beautiful, sensual, delicious and fulfilling very soon! Ok, I promise I will keep you updated once a week. So you know we are still alive out here in the jungle.
All my love,
Foo senior

The Only One

2009-01-21T07:07:00.000-08:00

The kids were running around the Story Telling room at the local library, playing with chalk, grabbing each other's toys and generally raising a ruckus. There were only a few of us left, my friend who has a 16 month old, myself with my one year old tornado, and an Argentinian mom with her nanny and a brand new baby girl.With them was her little whirlwind of a boy my friend's daughter's age.
As the Argentinian lady watched the two older kids chase each other around, yelling incomprehensible euphoric orations, she looked at us and said,
"Sometimes, he is so hard to deal with, that I think he is the only one who acts this way!" My friend proceeded to reassure her that all kids act this way and I mentioned that at some point, we all feel that we gave birth to some foreign species; wild and mean and headstrong beyond our capacity to control.
This got me thinking. What were other women's experiences with these behaviors, these emotions? How did they deal with them?

I had the opportunity to speak with a woman already seasoned in the art of childrearing; Rebecca.
I asked Rebecca if she ever felt that her child was the only one who misbehaved, or acted out in an outrageous way.
"Yes!" she said, "Absolutely! I always thought, 'Am I doing something wrong?' I would always turn it back around and blame myself."
I then asked her if she ever worried that the way her child was behaving; tantrums, hitting, stealing toys, was a foreshadowing of her child's future personality.
Rebecca was sometimes afraid that her children would grow up angry, mean and not able to socialize. Or that they would be perceived this way even if it wasn't true.
"Once," she says, "when my first daughter was playing with her cousin, she was being more dominant. She was pushing a little and hitting and her cousins mother says to me, 'oh! she's a little fighter!'. I felt terrible! I didn't want people thinking that of my daughter, she was usually very layed back and friendly."
At times, she did not know what to do.
"It was really, really hard," she says, "there were times when I thought I would lose my mind."
So, where did she turn? How did she get through it?
"I relied a lot on my pediatrician. He would always talk to me about what they should be going through emotionally and would assure me that their behavior was normal. He was a big help. He let me know that they were developing right."
And, as time passed, she encountered other parents with children who were, (who would have guessed?) going through the same things our Rebecca was going through!
I asked her what she felt when she found other kids going nuts.
"RELIEF!" was her answer. "Then, you know you are not alone. All the guilt comes off and you know you are not doing everthing wrong."
Knowing that the behavior is normal is surely a relief but does that make it any easier to deal with?
Not for me. I asked Rebecca to share with us any advice she had for those of us just starting out.
This is what she said,
"You have to pull patience from within. Blowing your top won't solve anything. It will just make you and the baby much more upset. If you feel you are about to lose it, give the baby something to play with or, if someone is with you, let them take the baby for a minute and go take a breather. Don't blow up, whatever you do! Tell yourself 'You can do this, you can do this!'
I know, you probably can't wait for them to grow up a little, but it will always be the same. Even with teenagers! You have to control your temper with them too!
Every stage is part of the learning process of being a mother.
You will get through it."

And so we will.

P.S.
I know Rebecca's children very well. They are wonderful people, not mean or angry at all!

What You Don't Know May Hurt You

2009-01-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Sunlight.
Reports of harmful UV rays and skin cancer have us slathering on sunscreen, covering up from head to toe, or staying out of the sun all together.
But there is another affliction lurking in the shadows--literally.
Staying out of the sun or preventing its absorption by wearing sunscreen or too many clothes prevents your body from producing vitamin D, which helps bone growth and calcium absorption into our intestines, blood and kidneys. Wearing a sunscreen with an SPF higher than 8 reduces absorption by 95%!
There are other ways to get vitamin D. Fortified orange juice and milk are good ways, or taking multi vitamins, but 20 minutes of sunshine on your face and arms without any sunblock gets you about 100 times more than the required amount.
This is easy enough to remember for us, but what about our babies? We tend to cover our infants with clothing, sun shades and sunblock from the moment we step out of the house so their sensitive skin will not burn and babies under a year old do not drink milk and usually not orange juice.
And another thing; even though breast milk provides tons of amazing nutrients and antibodies for your little one, it does not contain an adequate amount of vitamin D! So, infants are at a higher risk for vitamin D deficiency.
What does this mean, exactly?
Well, vitamin D deficiency in children usually leads to Rickets.
Rickets is the softening of the bones and can result in bowlegs, knock knees, stunted growth and deformed chests.
So, how can you make sure your child is getting enough vitamin D?
As mentioned above, 15 to 20 minutes of sunshine a day is enough. Just wait a little while before you put on the sunscreen.
But what about times during the year when sunshine is weak? If you live 40 degrees north or south latitude, (places like New York City or Wellington, New Zealand), for at least half of the year, sunlight does not provide enough vitamin D.
So, if you live in these places, talk to your pediatrician. Most will have prescribed a supplement anyway, especially if your baby is exclusively breast fed.
We need about 400 international units (IU's) of vitamin D a day and there are 98 in 1 cup of fortified milk and 400 per quart so once your baby starts drinking cow's milk, they will be getting enough vitamin D.
Before that, a little sunshine every day in the spring and summer and maybe some vitamin drops in the fall and winter will make sure his or her bones are strong and healthy.

Sources:

The National Institute of Health
New England Journal of Medicine
The Vitamins and Supplements Guide

Creating Better Choices

2009-01-16T08:37:00.000-08:00

If carrots came individually wrapped in colorful cellophane packages and salad came in air filled foil bags, would we eat them more often?
I know we all love chips and candy bars but we know how unhealthy they are. I'm sure we would all love to eat food that is good for our bodies. So what's stopping us?
Take this , healthy lunch idea, for example. Who wouldn't love a hot turkey and swiss sandwich, toasty bread and sliced lettuce and tomato? It's not too hard, too time consuming. Right?

Well, what if it's one of those days when your baby does not want to be put down and you are grabbing ingredients with one hand, have to slice a tomato, wash and cut lettuce, spread mayo, flip the sandwich on the griddle, all while little hands are grabbing at the butter knife, the sharp knife, your hair! Oh!!! Forget it. I'll just have a doughnut. Because the doughnut is ready to eat, delicious, and fills you up with grease and sugar.
Perfect.
Except that 30 minutes later you are going to feel sluggish, hungry, and cranky. And you just might grab another doughnut.
Ms. Garcia says that the midday meal is just as important as breakfast because when you are running after a toddler, you need a full burst of lasting energy to get you through to dinner. You need to be present for your baby, not thinking about how hungry you are.
As she mentioned last week, a protein and a vegetable for every meal will give you all the energy you need.
So, how does baked chicken and salad sound? Great? Well, who has time to make that for lunch?
You do!
Again, says Ms.Garcia, planning ahead is your greatest asset.
When you have extra time, while you are already cooking dinner or on a quiet Sunday afternoon, place 2 or 3 chicken breasts in a preheated iron skillet. (You can find the pre-cut kind in your super market or you can cut a large one into single serving pieces). Season the chicken any way you want, then lower the heat to medium low or low and cover. While you wait twenty minutes, your chicken breasts will "bake" in their own juices.
After they have cooled, slice any way you like and place in ziplock bags and store in the fridge.

Now, for the salad.
Pre-cut and wash your lettuce, grate some carrots and separate into ziplocks. Keep some cherry tomatoes on hand and when you are ready to eat, throw it all in a bowl and you have your salad! Heat up one portion of chicken in the microwave for a few minutes and enjoy, and it can all be done with one hand!
As for dressing?
Our expert advises us that if you are following healthy eating habits, the type of dressing you use will not throw you off track. But if you want a low calorie, homemade, quick dressing, try 4 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tablespoons of white or red vinegar and a teaspoon of mustard. Stir right before you are going to eat because the oil and will separate.
Mix it up with your salad or drizzle over your chicken.
Prepare 2 or 3 days worth and you will have a filling, healthy lunch waiting for you!
There you have it, no more hand fulls of pretzels for midday meal followed a half hour later by half a bag of fritos.

Now, the next phase of our exercise program.
After you have gotten some strength back, while lying face up in bed, bend your knees, keeping your feet flat on the bed and your knees about shoulder width apart.
Lift your bum all the way up until your belly is above your torso.
While in this position, gently pulse your knees in and out.
Do 3 sets of 12.
This move is for working your thighs and your gluts (your rear end).

Although this exercise is fairly low impact, Ms. Garcia recommends starting slowly, first trying out the lifted position alone and making sure you don't feel any strain. She also recommends waiting until your 6 weeks of rest and healing after birth have passed before you start this particular exercise.

Thank you for joining us on health and fitness friday!
Have a good weekend!

To TV, or not to TV?

2009-01-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

When my baby was still itty bitty, I did not like it that the television hypnotized her the way it did. Every time she would become entranced, whether it was by a soccer game her dad was watching, a swirling computer screen saver, or a blinking marquee above the Times Square drug store, I would start thinking,
This is it! This is the beginning of couch potatoville, laziness, hyperactivity!!!
Ask anyone, I was like a traffic cop when it came to TV. I would turn her around, sometimes even leave the room. I was afraid her tender brain would get damaged, too used to this artificial stimulation.
Then one day she started laughing at it, reacting to certain commercials where muppets salsa danced in a congo line.
I realized that if I put on a half-hour cartoon, I could do the dishes or check my email or write my blog in peace!
Ooooh, but then you say,
"Let me just do this one thing, since she's not complaining. Then this other thing. Oh, I'll just do this real quick." And before I know it, the TV has been my baby sitter for 3 hours. Not good.
But why, exactly? What is wrong with TV?
I decided to talk to a few ladies and find out what they thought.
One mother, "Elizabeth" says she used to limit the amount of TV her children watched to 1 hour of educational programming in the morning and perhaps a video in the afternoon.
"When I turned off the TV", she says, "my kids would be more creative. It was really neat to watch them think of things to do, make up games to play on their own, whereas in front of the TV, they would just lie there."
Elizabeth feels that watching television is an extremely passive activity that doesn't require much from your brain in comparison to say, a book or the radio where you are forced to visualize events and places for your self.
"As humans, we crave knowledge" she says, "and the television takes time away from this quest for knowledge."
I mentioned to Elizabeth that there are many educational shows on television and asked if she felt these programs were a positive thing.
"I believe that I learned to read from the Electric Company and the programs can be fun and beneficial to your kids but they shouldn't be their only source of stimulation and learning because they do not teach concentration or creativity."
She says TV takes away from time that could be spent out doors and that her doctor once mentioned that there has been a rise in Vitamin D deficiencies in the past years and that those in the medical profession suspect it has to do with kids spending so much time indoors watching TV and not getting enough sun.
Elizabeth says that she spends about 2 hours a day in front of the TV but that she tries to keep her mind active while watching by doing puzzles, crocheting or playing solitaire. She used to encourage activity while watching TV when her children were small as well by giving them crayons and paper or coloring books to use while watching their morning program.

I mentioned to Elizabeth that I sometimes found myself using the TV as a baby sitter and felt extremely guilty about it and tried not to do it anymore.
"This is such an easy thing to fall into", she says, "especially with 24 hour kids programming. I sometimes used to do the same thing but you really have to be strong about regulating it. It should not be done often, you should not take advantage of it." It can be helpful but if you find you know you cannot control yourself, you should avoid it all together.
I asked Elizabeth if she was happy with the choices she made when her kids were small.
"Yes" she said, "because as they got older, I noticed that they were very good at regulating themselves when it came to the TV. My youngest son actually goes for weeks at a time without watching TV. He only watches if there is something that really interests him".
Elizabeth got a lot of flack from other people when they learned of her stance on TV watching when it came to her kids but now, she says she is glad she stuck to her guns.

Corrina, a brand new mom, told me that she plans on not letting her baby watch any TV at all unless she is perhaps visiting someone who is watching or is watching with her cousins or friends. She says that she feels television provides tons of unnecessary stimulation and causes an inability to embrace other types of stimulation.
"Parents should take responsibility for stimulating their kid's minds, not television." Corrina told me that she learned from a class at her university that television programs contain something called a "jolt". A jolt is a message that gets sent to you from the TV that causes your body to release a burst of adrenaline. Jolts are caused every time a scene changes or when there is a noise like a gun shot or a wailing siren.
"Ten years ago", she says, "there were about 10 jolts per minute on an average television show. Now, the number of jolts has more than doubled."
Why is this of concern? Because our brains get addicted to these jolts and this is part of the reason why it is so difficult for us to tear our eyes away from the TV, even if we don't give a hoot about what's on.

So, TV itself is not an enemy, the enemy is our lack of self control. Both of these moms believe TV should be a treat, not a necessity and that it is up to us to help our children learn to be creative and entertain themselves. I mean, you don't ever want your kids to say,
"But I don't have anything to do!" just because you turned off the TV, do you?
Moderation, as with all things, seems to be the key.

The Weaning Monster

2009-01-13T07:33:00.001-08:00

Of all the milestones we will witness in the first years of baby's life, weaning may be the most dreaded (along with potty training). This may be because we associate weaning with some level of trauma, a lot of crying, and engorged breasts.
According to Anne Smith, Board Certified Lactation Consultant and La Leche League leader, this does not necessarily have to be the case.
Anne notes that weaning should be viewed as a DEVELOPMENTAL stage just like rolling over, walking, or taking solid foods and that all babies develop at different rates. It's not an event that must be decided by you. Some babies may be ready to wean after a few months while others may take a year or even more.
There are some instances when abrupt weaning is inevitable due to an illness in the mother, medications that come through the milk or because the mother becomes pregnant while still nursing. But, unless absolutely necessary, weaning should always be a gradual process.
Ms. Smith tells us that abrupt weaning is not only traumatic to the child, who has no way of understanding why he or she suddenly can't nurse, it is also dangerous to you. Your breasts becoming dramatically engorged due to sudden lack of nursing can cause infection or abscess. Also, the drastic drop in hormone levels can cause severe depression.

When you feel you and your baby are both ready to start the weaning process, remember it doesn't have to happen all at once.
Start by eliminating one feeding a day. Try a feeding that is used as nutrition and not comfort. For example, an afternoon "snack" feeding that does not lead to a nap instead of a night time feeding.
When you do eliminate the feeding, don't feel you have to avoid cuddling and skin contact as not to confuse your child (some people think holding your child close will make him or her think it's time to nurse). It is important during weaning that you find new ways to nurture and bond with your baby. Instead of nursing, read a book, sing a song and share a snack. Instead of breast milk, offer something you know she likes, maybe fruit or juice. By this time, your baby should be eating a lot more food as well so she might not "ask" or signal that she wants to breast feed as often as in the beginning.
Now, you may ask, "Why not just switch to cow's milk and leave it at that?"
After breast milk, which is slightly sweet, many babies do not like the taste of cow's milk. While you should still start introducing cow's milk slowly to babies over a year old, it is not always a good immediate substitute for breast milk.

When you are both used to your new routine and your milk supply had adjusted, eliminate another feeding.
Keep on in this way until only the night time feeding is left.
This is usually the last feeding to go and the hardest to give up.
Make sure your baby is full. A good dinner and a sippy cup before he is sleepy is a good way to ensure this. Then, rock your baby to sleep and avoid the nursing position, whether it is in a chair or lying down. Try walking around and singing him to sleep. There is no reason to leave your baby alone and crying to take him off of the breast. You must still nurture and comfort him, even if he cries. Especially if he cries.

Now, what do you put in the sippy cup if baby doesn't like milk, like my little darling? Well, you can pump your own milk if you'd like. The point is getting your child off of your breast and used to a cup.
You do not necessarily have to wean your baby on cow's milk. Find something that she likes. One mother I spoke to weaned all three of her children on pineapples and cottage cheese. I have found yogurt a good substitute in my case.

Another thing to think about is planning ahead. After a few months of straight breast feeding, when you are positive your child is latching on correctly, try introducing a bottle of breast milk a few times a week. This way, when you are ready to wean, a bottle or cup will be nothing new. In my experience, I did not do this and she refused the bottle from the get go of weaning, so it has been a bit more of a challenge for me. She actually threw all bottles to the floor.

Weaning is not always easy and there are a thousand different ways that it could go. Proceed slowly. Have patience and understanding. This is not a battle of wills, it the end of a beautiful part of your relationship with your baby and should be sent off gently and with love.

Sources:

Breast Feeding Basics: Anne Smith, IBCLC

Baby Center Medical Advisory Board

A good start

2009-01-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

During the first six weeks after you give birth to your child, your focus should be on healing and getting your strength and energy back.
According to our expert, keeping a balanced diet is essential.
Eat a lot of vegetables. Tomatoes, peaches, carrots and celery leaves are wonderful healing foods because they are rich in Vitamin A which is great for healing wounds.
Celery stalks are full of vitamin B1, 2, 6, C, potassium, folic acid, calcium, magnesium, iron, and amino acids and is one of the most hydrating veggies as well as is able to equalize your bodies PH which is great for peak health, AND, aids in digestion which can be thrown off track a little especially if you are recovering from a C-section.
Our expert recommends making sure to have a protein and a vegetable with every meal. Protein is important for replenishing amino acids.
She also advises against a lot of salt and sugar. Sugar has no nutritional value and will only cause short bursts of energy which will only end in a crash later on.
A lot of salt causes water retention which can cause you to feel sluggish and heavy.

Now, as you are getting used to rhythm of life with your new, ever needful baby sometimes your own nutrition gets thrown by the wayside, even if you know how important healthy eating is. This is because you simply don't have time and only grab a snack or a meal when you are desperate for it and end up grabbing a granola bar or a cookie.
Ms. Garcia has some tips for quick snacks and meals that will keep you full and your energy up while not packing on pounds.
She stresses that preparing before hand is important and will eliminate the excuse for eating junk food.

Boiled eggs.

Boiled eggs can keep 2 to 3 days in the fridge. If you boil a few (maybe half a dozen) in advance and keep them in a ziplock bag, you can have a ready breakfast for three days. Ms. Garcia tells us that an amazing power breakfast can consist of two boiled eggs, a bowl of oat meal and a strawberry banana shake. It is balanced, healthy, and filling.

Oatmeal.

Oatmeal is a balanced source of protein, is good for energy, and is wonderful for the skin. It aids in the erasing of stretch marks.

Blender drinks with Protein Powder

A lot of Protein Powders are high in salt and sugar but there are some available that are low salt and sugar. Adding a scoop to a peanut butter-banana milk shake is a delicious, quick and easy breakfast. For added energy and nutrients add half a cup of raw oatmeal!

Ziplock, ziplock, ziplock.

Separate baby carrots, celery hearts, cherries, grapes, whole wheat crackers, apple and pear slices and keep them in your fridge. When you go out with your baby, grab a couple of pre-prepared baggie snacks and you won't have to grab a snickers at the gas or train station. (To keep apples from turning brown, squeeze lemon juice over them. The taste won't be effected.)
P.S. Investing in a good water bottle is worth it. It actually saves you money in the long run and stops your from buying sugary drinks on the road.

Another great, quick power breakfast recommended by our personal trainer is one I have been trying out for the past week.

1 cup of plain yogurt
1/2 cup of raw oats
1/2 cup of frozen blueberries

Now, some of us like things a little sweeter than others. I am one of those people so I added a nice helping of pure honey to the mix and it was mmm, mmm, good.
This breakfast is a good source of calcium, protein (11 grams per serving!!!), antioxidants, vitamin C and is a huge energy booster.
So now, you have no choice. You have to eat healthy!

Now, onto the exercises portion of our blog.

Ms. Garcia stresses that in the first six weeks after birth, you should avoid any heavy lifting or strain on the abs as the abs and lower back are very fragile. However there are a couple of very low impact exercises that can be done while lying in bed.

The largest muscle group in our bodies is the group of hamstrings (the back of the thigh), quads (the whole thigh), and your gluts (your bum). By working this group of muscles, you burn the most calories and gain the most strength which is what we are lacking after labor.

Exercises #1
Lie down on your back with your hands at your sides. Lift one foot off of the bed about 12 inches. From that lifted position, lift about four inches higher than back down to original lifted position. Do 6 lifts then repeat with the other leg. Do 3 sets of 6 with each leg.
This exercises works your quads and your lower abs without straining.

Exercises #2
Lie on your belly with your arms at your sides. Lift your leg a few inches lower than you did when you were on your back. Then do some leg lifts from that position like you did before, only don't lift your leg quite as high. Again, do 3 sets of 6 with each leg.
Here, you are working your lower back, hamstrings and gluts.

Remember, take it easy. Allow your body the time it needs to heal. Eat healthy, keep your immune system up because you are more prone to infections during this time, and please, please get some rest.
I know you are restless and maybe a little bored but you will only delay your recovery time if you are not gentle with yourself and will have to be in bed even longer or may even have to return to the hospital if you strain yourself too much.
Good Health!

Rapunzle

2009-01-08T04:54:00.000-08:00

Would you place your child in front of a herd of stampeding elephants? Well, what about a herd of stampeding kids? Jumping off slides, fighting for toys, pushing each other, calling each other names. Adults sitting on the surrounding benches staring off into space.
I was at the kiddie area in the mall, next to the food court.

Maybe it was the aspect of too many kids stuck inside their apartments for two months now released onto a tiny area of playthings. I was never assailed with this kind of chaos in the park during the summer. There, it seemed all the kids wanted to play with each other and parents strolled around the blacktopped play ground, laughing.
Here, everyone was either severely hyperactive or just plain mean.
As one little girl shoved my slow moving toddler out of the tunnel then sprawled out, pretending to sleep, an unruffled Ms. Foo, ever friendly, began speaking to her in gibberish. The child opened her eyes wide, stared at Ms. Foo and yelled
"Shut. UP!!!" And a herd of elephants knocked Ms. Foo to the ground. She crawled over to one of the puzzles attached to the wall.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!" I wanted to yell at every passing blur of sneakers and loose teeth. Of course she was oblivious. But it made me think of the future as an older boy shouldered his way in to the wall puzzle and left Ms. Foo knocked on the floor again.
The future. Or was it the past? Shoving, getting knocked down, ganged up on, made fun of. I remember how awful it was. In some ways, worse than anything I've gone through in my adult life. Who wants that for their kid?
But, short of keeping her locked in a tower, I don't see any way to avoid it. I know a lot of it has to do with her size, her wobbliness, that as she becomes more steady she won't get knocked down as much. She'll learn to hold her own.
I said to a family member,
"I know she has to learn to defend herself, but..."
and she said,
"Why? Why does it have to be like that?" Well, why? Now, so adventurous, fearless, will that be quelled by bullies and name callers? Do I just have to set her to the wind and watch as she battles an unfriendly world?
Then I remember the summer. Kids running free and parents glorying in the warm weather. But, summer doesn't last forever. School starts, kids get to play for two fifteen minute breaks a day. Winter. Indoor playgrounds. Hibernating parents. My daughter growing, she gets so big, it's not necessary for me to follow her around anymore. But I want to. I want to follow her around for ever.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!"
Do I want that to turn into,
"Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" Do I give her my fear? No, of course not. I look at her, so sweet, her smile so wide and trusting that all is good and fun and especially for her to love and enjoy. A level of pure happiness we strive towards for the rest of out lives. Something we had before and then lost.
Then lose again and again and again.
She will have to learn by example. I have to overcome my own fears. I, myself, must be upright and solid. Something I've always struggled with. But there is nothing like having a child to make you change your ways.
One visit to an indoor playground in the middle of cabin fever season is all you need.

What are you afraid of?

2009-01-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

When you found out you were going to have a baby, what was your biggest fear? My biggest fear was that...my baby was going to be bored.
In other words, that I wasn't going to be able to provide adequate stimulation. That I would not be a good mom.
After she was born, I was so afraid, I could not even sleep. Afraid she was too cold or too hot, that she wasn't getting enough to eat, that she would stop breathing.
And then I went out in public with her and the fears multiplied on top of each other like dividing cells.
I was of the idea that I had to have to whole mothering thing down pat, smooth and cool like I had been doing it for years. I was afraid of every one's eyes, of what people would say or not say. If one little thing went wrong, if I dropped her blanket or couldn't find her pacifier quickly, I would panic, sure everyone was thinking how unfit I was.
Now, one year later, although I have gotten better at hiding it, my stomach still churns when she screams randomly in public or I can't fold my stroller in one fell swoop.
I asked my self, am I the only one this happens too? I decided to talk to a few other mothers, to see what their experiences have been.
I talked to a woman who's children are already grown, and another who has one child not even two years old yet.
It seems they both went through this fear of judgment and criticism in the beginning. "Nora", the woman with the grown children, commented that along with strangers, family members and friends put a lot of pressure on her to do things a certain way and she always felt she had to live up to their standards, even when they were not around. On top of that, she had conflicting advice coming to her from every corner. She felt she had to act like a stricter parent around some people and a more lenient mom around others.
She always felt the eyes, in the grocery store, in church. She worried if her kids misbehaved that others would think she was a bad mother while, if her child was being especially sweet she would swell with pride thinking everyone around must be praising her. But as time went on, she stopped caring. She became more confident and her focuse internalized, shutting out the messages all those strangers were sending, silently or not.
This was also the case with "Ally", the newer mom. She says,
"I don't care what they think! It's like if I go out in a short skirt. I know what they feel, what they are thinking, but I don't consider it. It doesn't change how I feel, what I want to do".
And as she stopped worrying so much about other people's opinions, she actually started learning a thing or too from mother's at the grocery store.

I asked Ally and Nora if their parenting tactics changed when they were out, depending on who was around. I ask because I always feel I am quicker to reprimand in public, to immediately squelch any possibility of undesirable behavior. Trying to stay below the radar. They both said "Absolutely not!" Sure, sometimes they were uncomfortable, but when it came right down to it, their child was always more important than some nosy strangers. Nora mentioned that she was actually calmer in public, aware that "losing it" with her child would only escalate the situation.

Finally, I wondered if they were still guilty of judging other parents who were having a hard time with their kids.

Nora says,
"In the beginning, if I saw school age kids acting bratty and their parent yelling at them or being inattentive I would say to myself 'My kid will never act like that' but as I started experiencing the same things with my children I started realizing that we all go through the same exact things. Now, when I see parents struggling, I try to send a blessing their way and know that they are doing the best they can." She believes that all parents have some level of insecurity and that judging other parents gives us a false sense of security about what we are doing.

Ally, who works late nights in a restaurant, admits that she scoffs at mothers who take their children out to eat late in the evening when they should be in bed but that most of the time she watches other parents and evaluates herself according to them. If she sees "bad" parenting, she feels like it affirms her own skills while if she sees a child behaving well or doing something stupendous, she asks her self, "what am I doing wrong?"

So I guess I am not alone. It seems like, once I get a little more time under my belt I'll build up a tougher skin. Right now I suppose I just feel like a novice (which I am) but that I have to prove myself at the same time. I leave myself open to suggestions but then take them as insults, jabs at my mothering. But, again, it seems the only remedy is time. Time to find out that I am not, after all, inept.
What do you think of this? Did you have similar experiences or do you have something different to share? Why do you think we judge and are so sensitive to the judgment of others? If you don't have kids, do you still encounter these feelings in your daily life when it comes to you, your way of being? Please comment or email your responses!
You can email me by visiting my full profile. I would love to hear your stories.

When it's more than just a cold

2009-01-05T18:51:00.000-08:00

During the cold weather months, much of our attention turns to colds and infections. While we worry about ourselves a great deal, our children are the ones we really want to protect.

Recently, a good friend of mine suffered too many weeks in and out of the hospital with her 6 month old baby and a lung infection that could not be identified.
First it was bronchiolitis. Then it was pneumonia. Then bronchiolitis again. It was tiring, stressful, and frustrating. He lost weight, cried painfully every time he coughed and had a fever that kept going up and down. In the end, she was told that there was nothing that could be done, to watch for his fever to spike and wait a few weeks until his body fought it off.

And it all started with a little bug is older brother brought home from school.
His brother had some coughing, a fever for a few days and then it was over. But it hit his baby brother much harder.
Pneumonia happens when fluid collects in the air sacks of the lungs and becomes infected and can be fatal if left untreated.
Bronchiolitis is an illness that is caused by the inflaming of the bronchial tubes and can lead to pneumonia.
Both are born from the common cold.
Infants are at greater risk for complications from common colds because their lungs and cough reflexes are not as strong as those of adults or even those of older children. They can't cough out the infection as easily as we can. Thus, a common cold can easily cause things like ear infections, wheezing, sinusitis, strep throat, croup pneumonia and bronchiolitis.

These last too are the scariest because they can seem like just a prolonged cold in an infant. So, while you are waiting it out, more and more infectious bacteria could be building up in your baby's lungs.
But there are some signs you can be on the lookout for.

Your infants lips or nails become bluish.
Wheezing.
Grunting when breathing.
Persistent vomiting.
Poor appetite or is not drinking enough fluids.
Abdominal pain.
Lethargy.

If your child has any of these symptoms, you should see a doctor immediately. Of course, at any time, a fever of more than 103 warrants a trip to the emergency room; 100.4 in babies under 3 months.

There is no antibiotic that can be given to infants with pneumonia. The best you can do is to try to keep your child's fever down, and make him or her as comfortable as possible.

Prop him or her up if having trouble breathing and try to get him to drink as much fluid as possible.
Suction mucus and keep the air moist with a vaporizer. If you can't find one, boil some water and drop a spoonful of vapor rub in it, then let the steam fill the room where your baby is resting.
You can also give babies older than six months acetaminophen for a fever, but only if she is not dehydrated or vomiting.
Saline solution is also perfectly safe to administer for nasal congestion.

Another tactic you can use to help lung drainage is to "clap" on your child's chest and back. This loosens mucus, expands the lungs and helps your child to cough.

Although cold weather itself does not cause colds, most viruses survive better in the cold and cold weather dries out nasal passages and reduces mucus so we are more susceptible to viruses during these times and we have to take preventative measures.

Most of these measures are pure common sense.

Wash your hands often and carry hand sanitizer with you when you go out.
Disinfect toys, pacifiers, bottles and sippy cups often.
Avoid exposure to other sick children.

Everyone gets sick once in a while but babies get the worst of it because cold medicine can not be administered and their recovery time is longer and more dangerous. Knowing the signs and preventative measures can help us catch infections before they become serious.

Sources:

Oklahoma Health Cooperative
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Encyclopedia of Pediatric Diseases
Steven E. Doerr M.D., medical author
NY State Dept. of Health
University of Virginia Health Systems

The author of this post is not a medical professional. All treatments and diagnosis should be made by your doctor.

Cabbage

2008-12-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

Just something quick to help you through a tough time in the first months.
A very common ailment for breastfeeding mom's especially in the beginning, is a CLOGGED MILK DUCT.
This can be very painful. You will feel burning when your baby latches on and will see one or many small lumps on the breast. Your breast will also become engorged and feel as hard as a rock.

If it becomes drastically larger than the other breast or is extremely painful and red you should see your doctor immediately.

If it is slightly swollen and painful and your baby is still getting milk from it, there is a home remedy that can help you.

First off, let your baby drink only from the clogged breast for a whole day.
Also, massage the clogged area and try to work the clog down and out of the breast.
Next, take a cabbage leaf and place it on the clogged breast and place a washcloth that has been soaked in warm water over the cabbage leaf. Leave it on for about 30 minutes if you can.
Repeat the treatment as often as you would like.
The cabbage and the heat help to pull the clogged milk out.
If after 2 or 3 days, your breast is still clogged, see your doctor.

Winter Oasis for $$$

2008-12-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I visited an indoor play space in New York City called Appleseeds. They have tons of classes in movement, art, and music and a beautiful padded play gym. They have three private bathrooms, a private nursing room and a whole separate, fully stocked changing station complete with diaper genies.
Awesome, right?
Wrong.
Just like Organic food and self-sustained living, it seems that indoor play gyms in New York City are only meant for people of a certain class. What I mean by this is, wouldn't we all love to eat food without growth hormones, not add to the destruction of the environment and have a place for our kids to play when it too cold to go to the park? The answer is yes, but most people cannot afford it.
I visited the play space on a night when they offered a free event for families with live music and food. While I had a great time and appreciated the freebies I still had to wonder why the cost of a membership with access to the play yard was over $300 a semester.
I understand charging a bit, especially with all the great amenities, but it seemed a little over the top. Then I realized. Only wealthy people must deserve to have an indoor play yard and the owners want to make that clear.
Appleseeds is not the only culprit. There is also Gymboree, Kidville, and the Playgarden. They all offer one free trial class but afterwards charge no less than $200 per semester per child with a small discount for additional children. This does not include the price of individual classes which are over $100 a semester per class.

In this city, space is limited. And the less money you have, the less space you have. So we go out searching for more space. But it turns out the play yards are just an extension of already large Park Ave. apartments. The rest of us have to wait for the summer.

What will I do?

2008-12-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

Right now, when I say no, and she turns to look at me with that mischievous gleam in her eye then turns back to tipping over the trash can, I can just bolt over to her and pick her up. As Bill Cosby once said
"You have a two-year-old ,
you say 'Come here!'
the child says 'No!'
you go and get the child,
that's yes".
And she bicycles her legs in the air, sometimes screeching, sometimes laughing. Then it's on to the next thing. I give her a book, a toy, we sing a song, whatever.
But I have this dread. I realize I have no idea how to discipline my child. There are a million books out there and they all have different ideas. Some say to use "Time Outs", others encourage "Time Ins". There are so many different titles,
"Don't be afraid to discipline your child"
"How to raise a spirited child"
"What to do with a troublesome child"
"Breaking bad behavior".
What do they know? Kids act crazy no matter what, if you ask me. And I am very guilty of shaking my heads at other people's children through out the years, vowing that my child (when I had one) would not behave this way. And now that I have one I want to hang my head in shame for all that ignorant judgment I tried to pass. My kid screams when you take stuff away from her too. She hits other children. She refuses eighty percent of the food I try to give her. She throws a tantrum when I put her in her stroller. She tries to grab everything that is in her reach at the grocery store.
I just try to stay calm. Gentle, firm. I feel like the most important thing is to keep my temper. But what about later? When she's bigger, when she understands more? When I actually have to make her see the consequences of what she does? Will I be strong enough? Will I be able to stand in front of her and demand attention and obedience? Is that even what I should expect?
Will I just be afraid of making her hate me so will submit to her every whim?
When she does something that is defiant or unexpected, I feel my throat shake, my chest constrict. I miss a beat sometimes and have to struggle to find my footing. I worry that I will give up and let her run wild.
But then I understand that I won't. I won't because I love her. And I can see clearly the benefits of being firm with her. She's smart, healthy, strong, curious, adventurous. But she is also new. Every time something is questionable to her, be it a person she has never seen before or a loud sound outside, she looks at me. She is asking me with her eyes, "Is this allright?"
So, I have to tell her
This is ok, this is not. That's my job. And you know what? I'm totally up for it!

Yes, I'll be fine. I just think about it a lot. As I think (with a substantially larger amount of terror) about her teenage years. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I will have to, god willing, raise a teenager.
Whoa boy...

Fa la la la Blue Ray

2008-12-10T06:28:00.000-08:00

Did you know that a blue-ray disc player will bring your family together?
Did you also know that Guitar Hero will fix all of your families problems?

Yesterday, I saw three ads in a row for a blue-ray disc player and all of them with the same theme.
"Our family did not used to get along but now with the Blue Ray Home Theater System we are always together!"
"This family used to have nothing in common but with the Blue Ray Blah Blah Blah, they are now united!"

And the families really do look happy. Not "Leave it to Beaver" happy but chaotic, jumping on couches, dad spinning the little girl around, popcorn, pajama wearing happiness. And all because the Blue Ray has some mysterious and wonderful ingredient that the DVD player did not. With out the Blue Ray everyone would have stayed in their own little pods of individual mp3 players, PSP's and Text Pads. Let's unglue our eyes from our private little flashing adrenaline boosters and hinge ourselves to one big one. Let's be zombies as a family!

People have, for many years, gathered around a TV set. My grandparent's used to watch The Golden Girls with my youngest aunt on Saturday nights and it is a very fond memory for her. Saturday morning cartoons were some of the best times of my young life, hanging out with my brothers and sisters (and fighting with my brothers and sisters) before my parent's got up.
But that was back when there were, like, seven channels and only the hippest people had a VHS player. Now, it's different. What about when no one wants to watch the same movie? What about when the 24 hour cartoon network gets in the way of the Big Game? Ok, everyone gets their own Blue Ray and the family is separated again. I'm making my self sick with the amount of times I am saying Blue Ray.

Now for the famous line:
DON'T GET ME WRONG!
I have been abundantly grateful for technology especially since my daughter was born, and then again when my niece was born since we all live so far away from each other. I am so happy that I am able to instantly send pictures and videos of Ms. Foo to my family, that I am able to talk to my sister and see her new baby via video chat.
But a video game making everything all right?
More like covering things up.
Ingrid, (let's call her Ingrid) is my neighbor. Her husband's children from another marriage (who are teenagers now) do not have the best relationship with either of them. They used to stay away, always making excuses to not visit.
Then he bought a Wii. Guitar Hero to be exact. Now they are over all the time. Yay. The family is together.
But try taking them to the park. Try taking them to dinner. Try talking to them. It is very clear, they are only there for the video game. When the TV was broken, they did not come.

A lot of these commercials focus on the teenagers who don't want to hang out with their parents. If you buy this cool new electronic thing, they will come running. And this strikes chords all over the country because teenagers are adamant about one thing: they don't want to hang out with their parents.
So let's buy them back. This can get very expensive. Because soon they will get tired of the video game and want a new one. Or a new phone. Or Internet on their phone. And since you bought the first thing, if you don't buy the next thing its bye bye teenager and the only way to get them back is to give in.
And the electronics companies know this.
And the reason I know this? How do you think I have been able to notice the ridiculous amount of commercials about the same thing?
God help me, I am not immune!!!

Laughing Babies

2008-12-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

Hello, everybody. Thank you for checking in today. Unfortunately I seem to have no time today. At least not to write about what I wanted to write about. So, I'm pushing the blogs back this week. Wednesday thru Saturday.
But for your viewing pleasure, one of Ms. Foo's favorite videos...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dj298NRTO8

Spoof

2008-12-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

At the risk of offending women who have had breast implants, I post a link to a spoof made on the Motrin commercial I was complaining about last week.
It's pretty funny stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpqpAGLS2t4&eurl=http://comment.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewComments&friendID=145181639&feature=player_embedded

Rememberances

2008-12-04T05:21:00.001-08:00

In honor of the new mom's I met the other day, I am posting this blog again about the aggravation sometimes caused by the all too bold interference of complete strangers about the way we are handling ourselves and our new babies.
Hearing you all talk the other day reminded me of how hard it was. Here's to you.

"That baby should be inside, its too hot"
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"

If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP ON A WALKIN'
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with unwanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving unwanted advice from friends and family.

http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/

http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm

And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!

A follow up:

Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering what things were like at our old jobs. She worked in a hotel and I worked in a restaurant. What both our experiences had in common was the shameless hierarchy in the work place. New employees were treated like idiots and most of the workload was put on them while those who had "paid their dues" got away with murder. We both recalled how we, as soon as we had been there a while, had jumped right on the bandwagon and did not treat new comers with respect. It was as if all the experiences the person had had as a human being before being hired had no value and they were just pods waiting to be filled with the doctrine of our company.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.

Umbilicus

2008-12-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

My mother's worry follows me wherever I go.
The long way
The painful way
That is the only way to learn.

A child needs her mother's worry.
Without it, she would not go on.
It's what propels
It's what sustains flight.

For if my mother did not worry for me
Where would I be?
Always looking backwards,
Hands wringing

Asking why, oh, why
Have I no worry to set me free?
No infinite thread of preoccupation
Tethering me.

When walking alone
Daughter in the care of some other
My thoughts land on this child with every footfall
Her face floating in front of mine.

If I let my thoughts stray from her
The lit tunnel grows dim
She turns back
I am gone

My mother lights my way
With her worry
And the roundness of love
Circles back to me

Gives me a worry of my own
I walk with my hand cupped around its flame
It is a joy, to worry
It is a joy that fills.

A long shot?

2008-12-02T07:22:00.000-08:00

In the book The Power of Silence by Carlos Castaneda, the author is involved in a ten or 15 year apprenticeship with a Nagual Yaqui Indian from Northern Mexico. The Naguals practice different forms of sorcery.
On their travels, they come upon a cliff ledge which the author perceives as being desirable for its special levels of energy.
The Nagual, who's name is Don Juan, confirms the author's suspicions. He says that all animals, including humans can detect such spots in their surroundings. Most animals shy away from these spots but they have a different effect on humans.
The effect is that when passing through one of these spots, a person will become tired and be compelled to stop and rest at the exact spot of the emanating energy.
I found this very interesting as we do not usually equate feeling tired with being energized. Usually, when we are tired, we are either pushing ourselves to keep going, wondering why we are tired, or impatiently waiting for it to pass. Very few of us sit and rest without worrying about it.
But, what if being tired is a signal that our bodies are being infused with energy? What if, when we felt tired, we immediately sat down and closed our eyes and opened ourselves up to the flow of energy that is trying to enter our beings?
Obviously, most of us know that being tired is a signal that we need to re-energize but perhaps it is a signal that it is happening already.
Regardless of which it is, it is still important to re-organize our lives according to our tiredness. Of course there are instances due to illness or depression when the tiredness is a symptom or sign of distress, but in normal day-to-day life I think that we should just allow ourselves to be tired.
Just because you are tired today does not mean you will be tired tomorrow. Or maybe you need to be tired for a whole week. Sleep late if you have to (if you can), don't clean your bed room, let your laundry stay unfolded. And most importantly DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. If you do, you won't really rest and will block your re-energising. And if this happens, you will stretch out your tired period and your energized period will never fully come about!
If you fully enjoy and respect your tired period, a period of acute energy will come through naturally. One day, maybe the next day or the next week, you will wake up and feel as if you could do one hundred things that day. And you actually might do it!
I know this because I have started living my life this way, or at least trying to. Some days I rise early, do all my house work before ten, take a walk, write like a maniac, prepare dinner before sunset, organize some cluttered drawer or closet, put new pictures up on the wall and wash all of Ms. Foo's toys.
And then some days I can't seem to open my eyes until...well, maybe I better not say. I can't seem to fathom preparing lunch for myself and tear into some leftover macaroni salad. I find a good movie on TV. I rest. I try not to feel guilty. It is a work in progress.
Most of us know how to do this. Whether the days are able to be random as they are for stay at home moms or whether they have to be on weekends or days off for people with outside jobs, we know how to say,
"I've worked hard. I deserve this". And we are couch potatoes for a day. But for many of us their is a little bitty scraping voice inside of us that says we are doing wrong. Try to get rid of that voice. Know that you could never be as productive as you are able to be without periods of straight, honest rest. Be happy in your laziness and that happiness will carry over into your productivity. Rest is as important as work. We have to learn to believe that.

Street Fighter

2008-11-28T08:08:00.000-08:00

What do you do when your baby is hitting other people and other people's kids!!! She's only 11 months old, but she understands, boy.
If I say "no" and frown, she does it again, looking right at me! Then again. And then again. I try to show her to be gentle but it seems like she is physically incapable of being gentle right now.
I don't want to just let her go at it but it seems like she thinks me saying "no" is a game.
Or a challenge. (dom dom doooommm).
Just kidding.
Apparently the worst thing I can do is make a big deal about it. According to Pediatrician Karen Sadler from Children's Hospital Medical Center in Boston, Massachusetts, babies have a very natural desire to see and explore much more than their physical and verbal abilities will allow and this makes them frustrated. And they express this frustration in forms of hitting, biting and temper tantrums.
I believe that, as well as frustration, these things (except maybe the temper tantrum) could also be excitement. When she's playing with someone, sometimes she gets this wild look on her face as she takes a big breath and a tremor goes through her body. She breaks into a huge grin and it seems like her body can't contain it all so she just has to whack somebody!

Well, all explanations aside, it's still not good for my daughter to go around hitting her friends, and mine. But Sadler says that if the hitting receives a lot of attention, it will just get worse. I know this first hand as Ms. Foo just adds little yelps to the hits if I raise my voice. So, Sadler's advice is to say "no" once, remove the baby from the situation and go on to some other activity. It's fruitless to keep saying "no", get a hit, "no", hit, "no", hit.
And to remember that the behavior will usually improve as your child's verbal skills develop.
Whew.
Now, what about throwing cheerios on the floor and dumping milk out on the high chair tray? What is that an expression of?
Hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving!

Motrin

2008-11-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

I hadn't seen the Motrin commercial. Had any of you? I just happened by it today on the Internet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mztymu72l7c

Watch it if you would like.

I think they could have gone about it differently.

The ad is about taking Motrin to deal with the pain of wearing your baby in a sling. I, personally, have never experienced an amount of pain sufficient enough to warrant taking a pain med, and I wear Ms. Foo all the time.
This doesn't mean others don't. So, sure, market the drug to us moms. Why not?
They could have said,
"Oh, la la la, it's so hard being a mom, lugging a stroller up and down stairs in the subway, carrying your baby around the house, wearing her in a baby Bjorn, running after her, changing her diaper while she squirms, getting a headache when she unloads an entire book shelf".
Wearing a baby is not the only part of mother hood that may cause you sore muscles.

Instead they demeaned us. Those of us who believe that "wearing" your child helps your her become more secure and independent. That she will cry less.
She does, cry less. Less than what? Less than I expected. She is at 11 months old, uncannily independent. She loves being in the sling. As soon as she sees it she starts bouncing up and down and reaching her arms up.
People ask me if my back hurts. It does sometimes. But that is because I've tied it on wrong. Or I've had her in it for a really long time.
Funny, though, I've never thought of taking Motrin.
Anyway, Motrin scoffed at the whole baby wearing thing. Making it seem like a fashion trend. A "supposedly great bonding experience".
You can imagine that this got a rise out of a lot of women. Motrin got tons of angry emails and I believe they canned the campaign.
Like I said, it was not a bad idea to market to moms. And they could have used sling wearing as one example among many areas of life with munchkin for the possible need of medicinal relief. But they did wrong when they targeted mamas who carry their babies in slings as martyrs who are buying in to the latest baby trend instead of women who want the best for their babies and are following the lead of women all over the world and since the beginning of time.

Love

2008-11-25T07:12:00.000-08:00

Recently, a very dear friend of mine expressed (among the many worries in her daily life) that she was afraid she was not holding her 7 month old daughter enough.
That is a very rough, and very familiar feeling.
The mountains of things one has to do, the guilt while doing them that you are not giving your child enough attention, and then the guilt you feel when you do just settle down with your child for a while because you are not "getting anything done".
What do you do? You are never relaxed. Even relaxation is work because you are spending so much energy feeling guilty.
I shared with her that I go ahead and schedule in time to just be with my daughter. I say, "After I'm done with such and such, I'm going to sit on the bed with my daughter for exactly 30 minutes." This is a good time frame because she's usually sick of me by that time and we both feel refreshed.
I also referred her to this passage in one of my favorite books,
Whole Child, Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends

"Behold the child not as a burden or a body in need or a responsibility too great or a cherished possession, but as an expression of love. Behold yourself the same way, acknowledging that love is bearing you up and flowing through you unendingly. Then no matter what has to be done, allow yourself to be peaceful. Hold or don't hold the child, whichever seems most harmonious. But be very honest."

She also suggests that a baby may be restless or cranky as a direct result of our restlessness.

"...it tends to be very difficult in the early days of parenthood, when our lives are so suddenly different and we are worried about our ignorance as parents. We are constantly fretting mentally, so the child may continue to be restless."

I guess the idea is that if you are peaceful, no matter what you are doing, your baby will be peaceful as well. But it is very hard to be peaceful! Especially when it feels like you are doing everything wrong. And it seems like the baby is all right but as soon as you start some task, she cries to be picked up. So we get frustrated. Why can't I just do this one thing? Well, I discovered something which I know is nothing new but could be sometimes forgotten in the throes of day time chaos.
I just pick her up and hug her or dance around with her for a few minutes. Just one minute. One. And she's ready to get down and play alone and I can continue with what I was doing for a while, until she needs me again. She just needs to feel me for a while. And who doesn't want a few breaks while doing boring chores?
And this sure beats begging her to calm down or to wait, which she of course won't understand. And saves more time, believe it or not.
Ms. Berends has something to say about this as well.

"It will be suggested to you that the baby is manipulating you and that you are spoiling him. Don't believe it. If you start to believe a power struggle is going on, lose. He doesn't know anything about power struggles If you start a power struggle with him, even if you win, you lose. Especially if you win, you lose. Because in the process he will have learned that power struggle is. So just hang in there and seek a still and loving consciousness, this stillness of mind into which love pours itself. Let the problems fall away...let be."

This may sound like "easier said than done". It is actually much easier to get angry.
But it is a good school of thought to back to when we do feel we are about to go off the deep end. And isn't it worth a try instead of staying stuck in stress and maybe even resentment?
The school of thought that, whatever it is you are doing, even if you are busy, send your baby love, and the rest will fall into place.
Not easy, but straight forward and very, very effective.

The first niece

2008-11-21T05:18:00.000-08:00

Little Aurora Therese
2:22 a.m this morning
7lbs, 13 oz

Today is a day for celebration!!!

Age Discrimination

2008-11-20T05:07:00.000-08:00

I know you already know this but there is nothing like taking a baby to dinner at a restaurant. First of all, the host says
"3?' and you say
"2 and a high chair" pause.
"Oh" he says flatly. Then he looks around. Looks at you.
"Oh, you have a stroller" then he sighs. "You have fold it up". So, while we are scrambling to take everything out of the stroller, you look up as he is silently arguing with a waiter who does not want you in his section.
As a former restaurant worker, I know that many waiters hate tables with kids. They hate having to run around heating up bottles, asking the kitchen to steam carrots, listen to crying, and most of the time getting a lousy tip.
It has turned into a stigma.

The bus boys aren't too happy either because the floor always gets littered with rice and torn napkins. As it were, Ms. Foo threw chicken, pizza crust, spoons, and cereal puffs on the floor last night. (I picked them up)

I understand. I do. But there is a secret I know. Pass it on.
If you take really good care of a table with kids. If you make the kids happy, get their food out right away, give them something special,
THEIR PARENTS WILL MOST LIKELY GIVE YOU A BIG FAT TIP.
Ok, sometimes they won't, but more often than not, they will.
All they want to do is have a nice dinner and if you get pouty and roll your eyes every time they make a special request and don't try to make things fun, then they will just be insulted, stressed and eventually angry.

Anyway, I'm probably preaching to the choir here. We usually do ok because Ms. Foo is still little and at the cheek pinching stage. But we still don't get treated so well most of the time. Like we are a whole lot of trouble. There is a lot of sighing and toe tapping and pursed lips.
And we don't even ask for anything special!

I will say one thing. Our waiter at the very busy restaurant last night warned us against giving their bar juices to the baby, smiled, was fast, and never made us feel rushed.
So, that was nice.

It's like airplanes. Some people get to their seat, take one look at you and feel like the universe has cursed them.
One man told me, after making a stinky sock face,
"I hate to tell you this, but I've been sick".
"That's ok" I said, "She doesn't get sick" even though she does, I just knew he was hoping I would move. I started telling him the story about how when she was first born and her dad, my mother and I all got the flu and she did not. He put in his earphones and opened a magazine.

On the flight back the guy looked at us and shook his head. I had to stifle a laugh when Ms. Foo took a big fat stinky poo right next to him.

But then there was the lady who talked to me the whole flight about her kids and breast feeding and how cool it is when they get older and how quiet Ms. Foo was and not to worry if I had to change her or feed her and could she help with anything?

I guess you just have to have kids to understand.

What you've got coming to ya

2008-11-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

I recently asked a good friend of mine how she was dealing with the dreaded "Terrible Twos". Thank you to her for this HILARIOUS response.

"The terrible twos are terrible, but somehow you just get through them. You will have those times when you walk in a nice boutique makeup store, and your child is climbing on the furniture and then jumping off of it while mommy is nervously trying to pay for her stuff and get out. There will be the occasional moment where your in line, almost done, can't leave, but your little one needs the potty. "Hold on," you say, "Mommy's almost done." Then you learn at the same moment his shorts become darker, a stream of liquid running down his leg, a puddle growing under the basket for all shoppers to gaze upon with disgust, that you will never, ever, EVER EVER EVER EVER again ask him to hold on while you finish paying. Paying can always wait. Or the time a person walks by, rather manly in appearance but clearly a woman (only an adult could recognize) when your child asks, "Who's that, mom?!"
"The cleaning lady," mom replies - To which your puzzled two-year-old states in a matter-of-fact tone, "That's not a lady, SILLY, that's a MAN!" It never ends. Did I mention the time period right after I had my second baby, still traumatized, exhausted and recovering from childbirth when my early riser son woke up, found some bath oil, proceeded to pour the ENTIRE bottle all over our bedroom and TILE floor, which I didn't see when I woke up and, on my way to the bathroom SLIPPED and FELL on my butt! Not to mention all the scrubbing to get out the oil stains. I was not very happy that morning."

Ahhh, I have so much to look forward to!

Anxiety Dreams

2008-11-18T08:30:00.000-08:00

In our dreams, we always seem to send our babies way into the future without giving them the time to grow up.
Before my baby was born, I would dream that I would bring her home from the hospital and call everyone in to look at her, amazed that she was talking already. Then the dream would switch and she would be crawling around and I would be saying,
"Isn't it incredible? She' s only three days old and she's already crawling!"

Now, she's starting to stand up unassisted for about ten seconds at a time and flirting with the idea of getting he self off of the bed.
(Our bed is very low, so she can actually scoot herself off backwards if I place her in the right position). So, a few nights ago I dreamt that she was getting off the bed and walking around and that I was thrilled at her ability to walk so early and so suddenly without any assistance from me.

I sent a video of my daughter trying to stand and falling over to my sister, who is studying film making and is currently working on a movie set for school. The next day she reported this dream:

Since Ms. Foo was starting to learn to walk, they wanted to give her a job doing sound on her movie set. But she kept falling over so they had to prop her up with the corner of the wall and the boom mic. (What's a boom mic?)

I have always heard of people having dreams like this about their babies, we are all so anxious to see them grow and learn and do all kinds of amazing stuff. But we are also anxious about them changing from babies to kids.
Babies being so sweet and adoring and kids being ones for testing limits and throwing tantrums and turning into teenagers.
I think we are afraid we won't know how to handle it.
I am, anyway. I guess I can't speak for anyone else.
Maybe that's why we dream like this. A combination of excitement and a hidden desire for babies to stay babies while becoming fully functional beings.

Mmmm Milk Shakes

2008-11-13T18:22:00.001-08:00

Let's, for the sake of this blog, measure energy in terms of banana milk shakes.
Think about this. If it takes 3 banana milk shakes to clean the bathroom and mop the floor, then it takes 6 banana milk shakes to do it with a baby.
Whether you put her in a sling, leave her napping, or put her in a swing or walker, it is going to take you twice as many banana milk shakes to get the job done.
If she's in a sling, well, you have extra cumbersome weight on your body while your trying to scour the bathtub.
If she's napping your trying to scrub the toilet bowl at lightning speed so you won't have to go attend to her with clorox all over your hands when she wakes up.
And lastly, she will only tolerate a walker or swing for about ten minutes. Then you have to think of something else.

If it takes 1 banana milk shake to put your groceries away, it takes 3 if you are trying to do it while holding munchkin. Your back hurts, it takes forever to get up once you've bent to fill the vegetable bin. And it's really hard to make room in the freezer with just one hand.
Speaking of groceries. Grocery shopping? That takes about ten banana milkshakes. If you take the stroller, where do you put it so you can use a shopping cart? (I'm talking about those of us without a car.) You balance a small basket on top of the stroller and put heavy items under the stroller, hoping no one thinks you are stealing. Plus, I bet she's going to want to get out of the stroller at some point so you are maneuvering and shopping with one hand.
Oh, oh! Ever tried to empty a shopping cart (or grocery filled stroller) with either one hand, a crying baby or just running back and forth from the stroller to the check out lane because the stroller doesn't fit.
It's really fun.
Or, you could take her in the sling so you can use a shopping cart but, with no stroller, how are you going to carry all your groceries home? (Again, if you have a car, this is a moot point. But cars bring on their own work outs).

Anyway, I always break a sweat at the grocery store.

Thinking about and making lunch takes a lot of milk shakes as well. Also usually done with one hand, sometimes you have to settle for peanut butter and jelly when what you really want is grilled Turkey and Swiss with sliced tomato. And it's difficult, what with baby sticking her hand in the peanut butter and all.

Everything done with a baby in tow takes twice as many banana milk shakes as it would alone.
Because a baby is a joy and we signed up for this, my advice to you is this:

Drink a lot of banana milk shakes. They are easy to make with one hand and fill you up and give you tons of energy.
If you like you can add strawberries, or chocolate or peanut butter.
If you are really courageous, why not a raw egg? (Well, why not?) You will have more time to attack other one handed tasks and not be all hungry and grouchy.
Yay!

Bath Tip

2008-11-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

One of the challenges of life with new born baby is
BATH TIME!!!

In the beginning, it's just sponge baths until the umbilical chord falls off. Then, you bathe them in your room where it's warm in their little bath tub.

But there comes a time when you find it would be less time consuming to bathe them with you.

Sometimes you don't have time to set up the whole bath station in your room and then break it down.

So, here is how you do it.
Thanks again to my good friend Thresa who has answered and calmed many of my panicky phone calls.

"How do I bathe my babaaayyyyy!"

Deep breath.

This is only recommended for babies who are not yet mobile.
Put a towel on the floor. Put your baby on the towel.
Take a shower.
Dry off, get out, run a bath and undress your baby.
Sit down in the bathtub holding your baby.
Put a wet wash cloth on your chest.
Lie your baby down on your chest, the wash cloth will prevent slipping.
Bathe her.
Very carefully, stand up and wrap her in a towel. Place her on the towel on the floor again. Get out, put on your robe, pick up your baby, and your done!
Simple, but sweet.
If you don't feel comfortable putting your baby on the floor, try this:
If you have a swing or infant car seat, put a towel on the car seat and then your baby on top of the towel.
It is still possible to strap her in this way.
Then when you take her out of the bath, you can place her directly on her towel and wrap her up in it while you get dressed.
Again, only for none mobile babies!
Bye!

Exploding Peas

2008-11-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

While making two new foods for the baby, I came across some very silly setbacks.

The first had to do with sweet rice, which Ms. Foo did not like incidentally. I wonder why? Who doesn't like sweet rice!

I tried a store bought version first and ended up eating it myself.
Last Sunday, I decided to try and make some for breakfast. I looked up a recipe on the Internet and found that you can make it with
"Last nights left over rice!" I thought, Great! I have left over rice from last night!
It actually came out perfectly, or so I thought. It smelled good, the consistency seemed right, and then I tasted it.
I wanted to throw up. Why did it tasted like that?
Ohhhhh, I'm so dumb. Last night's white rice had garlic, oil and onions in it. Yummy, yummy.
So I started cooking some rice to try again. La dee da, everything going well, I know how to cook plain rice, easy huh?
Nope. I covered it, lowered the heat and proceeded to burn the darling rice.
Forget it.

Then there was the split pea soup, which she loved. I stewed all the ingredients together and then poured half in the blender. (There was too much to fit in all at once). I held the lid on tight and turned it on.
PLAH!!!! All over the wall, my roommate's bananas, my strong cloth shopping bag, the table cloth, the trash bag box. ME! I screamed because it was hot and burned my arm. My husband and I cleaned it up and I tried again.
PLAH!!!
Oh, dear. I remembered this happened the last time I made this soup. It must be something to do with the heat or the consistency or something. Anyway, I finally got it to work and served it up with bread and grilled chicken and it was great. Ms. Foo lapped it up. And the next day I was still finding soup on the side of the cabinet.

Here are the recipes if you want to try them.

The sweet rice is a link since I still don't know how to make it.

Split Pea Soup
Special thanks to Marian for this recipe

1 lb of dried split peas
3 potatoes
1 zucchini
1 carrot
1 clove of garlic
1/4 sliced onion
salt to taste. I also use chicken bouillon, of course this is optional as well as the garlic and onion depending on if you give your baby these things.

Bring peas to a boil in a large pot. Cook until peas are almost tender and water is starting to turn green.
Cut potatoes, zucchini and carrots into small pieces and add to boiling water. Small pieces are suggested so they will cook faster.
Add onion, garlic and salt.
Cook until all veggies are very soft.
Put soup in blender, hold down lid with a brick. (Just kidding).
Blend. Your done! And it's so delicious.

Arroz con Leche

http://mexicanfood.about.com/od/sweetsanddesserts/r/arrozconleche.htm

Flying

2008-11-11T07:50:00.000-08:00

Imagine you are on an airplane. Seat belt on.
Now imagine that you are a person who is not scared of anything. That you trust that every situation that you are put in is a safe one.
Next, imagine that you have no cares in the world. That where you go and what you do is of no consequence to you.
Have you got it?
Ok.
Forget, for the sake of imagination, about air pressure and velocity and all that mumbo jumbo. Just imagine that the plane falls away from you. No other seats, no walls, no tray tables, no flight attendants, not even a bathroom. Just you and a mysterious, unseen pilot. You look over the edge of your seat. You put your hands out in front of you. You are flying.
But you are safe. Strapped into your seat, completely trusting, completely carefree.
Exhilarating, isn't it?
That's how I feel my daughter feels when we are going down the street with her stroller. She doesn't have any kind barrier in front of her like in her big stroller, she's just buckled in.
She does the same thing I described above. She sticks her hands out in front of her and looks at the ground zipping by beneath her. She waves her arms up and down and squeals. No fear, no questions.
It looks like so much fun, I wish I could do it myself.

Horror Stories

2008-11-07T08:34:00.000-08:00

There is always something unexpected and it almost always has to do with poo (not pooh) so it's better to always be prepared.
Never assume you know the rhythm of your baby's intestines.
Never go anywhere without a diaper.
I promise you, even if you never have a poo situation out of the house, the day you decide to go for a quick trip without a diaper,
YOU WILL REGRET IT.
Take, for example, the case of the Two Size Tighty. Ms. Foo and I were off to the park for an hour or so of playing.
When I got there, I saw two friends and went and sat with them.
Now, I should have known better. Because it had been a few days since her last...you know, but I said
"Oh, I'm just going to the park! I'm not taking anything!" and frolicked out of the house like a fool.
And then, it happened.
"Oh no!" I said to my friend with a baby the same age as Ms. Foo, "Can I borrow a diaper?" She looked at me with a strange look on her face.
"Uhhh," she said, "since I was just coming to the park for a half hour and Yvanna already, you know, so, I didn't bring anything!"
My other friend and I looked at each other. Her baby was only one month old. It was our only choice.
I changed Ms. Foo in her stroller and strapped on the tiny diaper. It was quite a sight. But it worked.
Then there is the story of The Roller
It is about a woman (who happens to be my aunt) who, before she had kids, told my mother that she absolutely WOULD NOT baby sit for her if it included taking care of a baby still in diapers.
At the time, my mother had my sister and I (5 and 3) and my brother, who was still in diapers.
There was some kind of emergency and my aunt was the only person available to baby sit.
"Don't worry!" said my mother, "he has already pooed today! He won't again! It's only for an hour, you won't have to change any dirty diapers! Please!"
Well, she agreed. And my brother decided to have diarrhea that day. Majorly.
And, to make matters worse, while my aunt had him on a bed, with his diaper open, my brother decided to roll and roll and roll and roll.
All over the bed.
My mother found my aunt in tears.
"Never again!" she cried, "Never again!"
So. The moral of these stories are,
Never assume and always be prepared.

Acrobats

2008-11-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

So, lately I have been dealing with twiddling.
What is twiddling? A baby grabbing your nose, chin, cheek, pinching you, while nursing. She also likes to nurse in different positions like upside down or standing up. I'm not joking! Sometimes she actually stands up while she is nursing!
While most of the time this is ok, sometimes funny, there are times when she scratches and bites. Pinching doesn't feel too good either.
Apparently, according to "kelly" at http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/nursing-manners.html
this behavior is completely normal. That your baby is exploring all the things she can do while nursing. She calls it "twiddling" and "acrobatic nursing".
She also says that, although the behavior is normal, it doesn't mean you can not teach your child otherwise or distract her with something else.
One idea that I really liked was putting a "nursing necklace" or bright scarf around your neck while nursing. A tough string or necklace for your baby to grab instead of your nose. Grabbing the nose itself isn't so bad, but it always leads to a very sharp scratch down the upper lip or chin.
She also suggests giving your baby a toy or blanket to hold, or to hold your baby's hand.
I, myself, have tried holding her hand and it works for a while but she seems to get very hyper sometimes while she is nursing and holding her hand seems to restrict her somehow, like she has too much energy. She starts waving my hand around like crazy.
"Kelly" also has a lot of great tips for parents of nursing toddlers, ways to explain why acrobatic nursing in public is not a good idea and that "it's hard to nurse when you are wiggly, why don't we go play and get the wiggles out and then we can nurse again?"
One thing I have not found an answer for is outside distractions. When my daughter was brand new, all she wanted to do was nurse. But as she got older, she started to find other things more interesting. Any little noise and she will stop nursing and sit up, whether it's a loud boom on the TV, the phone ringing, or the little boy next door calling for his mother.
Any ideas?

It's allright

2008-11-05T07:43:00.000-08:00

It's funny how a baby depends on you to gauge their emotional responses to some things. There are, of course, a few things that they are sure about like loud noises and hunger, you leaving, them falling. But sometimes, something will happen, and the baby will look right at you to see if you are upset or smiling.
Like when Elmo, (now my daughter's good friend) was going into one of his convulsions and threatened to fall off the bed, I screamed a little, all in good fun and my daughter looked at me with a twisted, worried expression but as soon as I smiled at her, she was ok.
Other times, when her dad and I are horsing around and I yell at him to stop pulling at my toe or something, she looks over at me to see if I am really in distress. If I smile, she smiles too. But for a birthday I had recently, someone shoved my face into my cake. I laughed but not right away. I screamed.
Ms. Foo got scared and would not stop whimpering until I looked at her and smiled, nodding my head, saying, "It's ok, it's ok".
Once, I was baby sitting for a little boy under a year old and we got on an elevator. A strange guy started talking to him. Before this, every person who wanted to talk to him was usually a friend or family member and I always smiled at him encouragingly and nodded my head. This time, he looked right at me and I, without thinking, just shrugged. The baby immediately started crying. I'm sure that if I had smiled like I always had before, he would not have gotten scared.

This works too when I'm telling her not to do something like shoving my sandal in her mouth. I see her pick it up and it goes straight to her mouth.
"NO!" I say, very sternly and when she looks at me I knit my eyebrows and turn my mouth down.
Then she gives me the sweetest, cutest, funniest smile she has. I keep my face scrunched up. Probably more so than before just to keep from laughing.
Then her smile wears off. She puts the shoe to one side.
I break into a smile and nod my head. She smiles and picks up the shoe.
Back to the frown.
She puts it down, I smile.
And guess what, she doesn't put the shoe in her mouth any more! Well, not nearly as much as she used to.
Maybe she doesn't understand words to well yet, but she definitely knows the difference between an ok situation and a not so ok one, and all from the expression on my face!

Light Bulbs

2008-11-04T05:29:00.000-08:00

It seemed like it all happened in one day! For months and months, I have been putting the phone to her ear so she could here her grandmother's voice, or her auntie's, or her dad while he's at work and she would always just stare at it, completely mystified.
Then one day, she picked up the phone and put it to my ear.
"Hello?" I said. Then she put the phone to her hear and made some "hello" like inflections with her voice.
So I called my mother. Ms. Foo had a two minute babble conversation with her. Now, all she wants to do is put the phone to my hear then to hers, then to mine, then to hers.

That same day, she started patting my hand herself at the end of patty cake instead of me taking her little hand and patting mine with it.

She used to cry a little and crawl over to the closed door when her little friend would go home. Now she cries a little and looks underneath the door!

And then, after months of being in the sling while I do dishes and hanging around while I run the swiffer over my dustable surfaces, Ms. Foo grabbed a sock (twice in one day, so I knew it was not a fluke) and started rubbing it on a book that was on a bed and later on a plastic bowl that was on the floor.

How is it that one day, she just stares and smiles and the next, everything seems to suddenly make sense to her?
Like somebody turned a switch on.
She understands what things are for, where people go when she cannot see them anymore. What comes at the end of the song.
Now she claps when there is applause on the television, even if she doesn't see the people actually clapping.
She laughs at nothing.
She laughs at everything. She breathes in dramatically as if she just cannot contain it all. All this wonder.

Decisions, Decisions

2008-10-31T06:01:00.000-07:00

This is my first Halloween with a baby. I spent more time than I should have perusing around town and around the internet for a costume for her. I thought of a lady bug, a chili pepper, a penguin, and a kitty.
Then I went to an early Halloween party. Most of the kids did not arrive in costume but changed into them upon arrival. I did not have Ms. Foo's costume yet but what I saw at the party made me nix it all together.
The older kids, 7 and up, were ok, thrilled, actually to be in costume. And the baby who was 8 weeks old seemed perfectly content in her little Pumpkin Sack costume. But then there were the toddlers. 6 months, 8 months, 18 months, 2 years old. They screamed and cried, pulled at the duck head piece before mom could get it on, or mooed in their cow costume for two minutes then wanted it off, tearing at the neck, whining, jumping up and down.
They were hot, uncomfortable and unhappy.
I was glad I had decided just to paint Ms. Foo's face.
Easy, right?
Ha! Surely you jest!
I had planned on a full out tiger striped, whiskered, red-nosed, freckled little kitty face.
I was only able to accomplish two overly thick, squiggly black whiskers on each cheek and a smeared red nose that creeped off to the sides and three red dots on each cheek.
Every time I put the make-up brush close to her face, she thought I was giving her something to eat and kept following it with her mouth.
When I put it to her cheek, she turned the other way. But I finally got something on.
She looked so cute! She even laughed at herself in the mirror!
Then I put on her coat and strapped her into her stroller.
Off to the subway. When we finally got settled in, I lifted to cold-protection plastic cover and looked at her.
The sides of her winter coat and hat were full of black and red paint and her face just looked, well, dirty. Like she had been playing in the mud.
I laughed.
I love Halloween!

Ground Patrole

2008-10-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

You know, babies are supposedly too small to make much sense out of anything. They don't understand the concept of "No", the concept of sharing, the idea that you leaving the room doesn't mean you are gone forever.
So why is it that they understand perfectly that they should wait until you are not looking to touch or eat something they know you would not approve of?
How do they know which things you will be ok with and which things you will take away?

My daughter was sitting in my aunt's lap and she gave her a leaf to play with. She thoughtfully turned it over and over in her hand, pulling at the stem and flesh. My aunt yawned and turned to look at something. When she turned back, my daughter had the leaf in her mouth.

She plays quietly with her toys while I am sitting with her but as soon as I decide to dust the chest of drawers, she's suddenly into the stacks of toilet paper in the closet.

And this is scary! It's not that I mind pulling her away from the closet or trash can, it's that, even though she knows which things I probably won't let her have, she doesn't know which ones are really dangerous, like outlets and clorox.

We all know that babies put all kinds of strange things in their mouths and that they get into EVERYTHING, but we don't (at least I don't) always realize what that really consists of.
We know without having to think about it that chicken poop and ashes are yucky and we wouldn't dream of eating them but babies will!
My husband, visiting his grandparent's ranch while still crawling, was found under the chicken coop eating...you guessed it.
And a couple I know left an ashtray in a low place and before they knew it their baby daughter was sitting in front of it stuffing cigarette butts in her mouth.
(Shall we even get in to smoking in the house with a baby to begin with? That's another blog for another day).
So, it's always the stuff that for us is common knowledge.
We know to keep safety pins and knives out of reach but sometimes forget about our sandals in the front hallway or the dustpan in the laundry room.
And it's always when I'm not looking.
Being a parent is like being a watch man without a changing of the guard.

Rain

2008-10-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, a teenager, even a few years ago, I loved being caught in the rain. Sometimes I would even go outside for the soul purpose of standing in it.
It made me feel close to something. A Greater Being, the Universe, the rain itself. It exhilarated me, made me feel free and solid.
The other day, it was raining. It has been raining for the past three days.
"You know," I said to my husband, "I used to love to run around in the rain".
"Why don't you anymore?" he asked.
Hm. Why don't I anymore?
The answer is simple:
It's not freeing anymore. It's worrisome. Before, I only had to worry about myself. Myself getting soaking wet, feeling cold wind, possibly getting sick. But, guess what? Now I have a baby and having her experiencing those same things does not sound like any kind of fun for anybody. And most of the time, it's just me and her. I can't leave her in the house while I dance in the rain like a loony. And even if I could, say if I left her with my husband, do I really have time to deal with sopping wet clothes and hair when there is her bath to think about, the dishes, nursing? I barely have time to fit in everything I have to do as it is!
I have no time for rain dancing!
Sigh
A friend of mine sent me a message once, saying that she had realized that she had become a full on mom and had forgotten her self. Her self who was a person, not just a mom and wife.
It has happened to me now.
Not that I mind. I love it. If I had to choose, if someone said,
"You can never dance in the rain again if you choose to live for the rest of your life with someone you love and who loves you back and you get to raise cool kids together," I would say,
"OK, no problem".
But, when my husband asked me that question, I felt like a mule. Like before I had been a dolphin swimming and now I was molasses.
You know what though?
Think of it this way. I am 26 years old. Even if I have more kids, some day, they will all be able to take care of themselves. And we will be alone. And we will miss our children.
I will be able to take a solitary walk in the rain again, but I will never be able to hold my daughter at ten months old again.
Squeeze her to my chest. Feel her wispy hair on my cheek. She will grow and it will be forever.
Even though, sometimes I feel buried.
But I am doing it to my self. The same stuff I am burying myself in is really there to be reveled in.
And so I will. Revel.
The rain will be waiting.

Moon Child

2008-10-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while reading a book called "Whole Child, Whole Parent" I came across a beautiful passage which I would like to share with you.

"As far as I know, all children are moon-struck. Even in the city where the lights blink and blaze insistingly, where the sky is often only a straight-up chimney patch, even in the daytime, if the moon is out-just a pale, pale sliver moon- the child will find it at once.
'Oh look, there's the moon!' Is the friendship between this round, clear wonder whose hand holds mine and the one in the sky (both with their whispers of faces) founded on a deep, inborn awareness of true calling? Does he already know, can he still remember, that the beauty and happiness of his whole life are to reflect a greater light? Does he already suspect that the darkness lies only in the shadow of turning away from the light in whom there is no shadow of turning? Does he already guess that in standing under (understanding) the light there is no shadow to be cast? See how he already casts about in the darkness for the light! This moonchild of mine keeps on reminding me that I must be moon for him as he is one to me."

When I was a child, I would watch the moon out the car window and marvel ed that it could move so fast as to keep up with us. I asked my mother about this. She said,
"The moon is not following us. It is just so big, that we can never pass it."

Zora Neal Hurston wrote a short story about her relationship with the moon.
One night, as a small child, she was out in a field. As she ran, she saw that the moon followed her wherever she went. She thought, the moon must love her. Must be her special friend. And she went out every night to play with the moon.
Until one night when she bumped into another child running alone in the field.
"What are you doing?" the author asked.
"I'm playing with the moon" was the answer.
"No you are not! I'm playing with the moon!" and so on and so on. Eventually they came upon other children who also believed they were the moon's special playmate. They soon found that the moon followed all of them. And they ran around the field, shrieking with joy. Chasing the moon, chasing each other.

Once, while I was still waiting for my baby, I called my mother on the phone. She lives across the country. It was nighttime and I was outside. I commented on the brightness and beauty of the full moon that was in the sky that night. She went outside and looked at the moon.
"Oh my goodness!" said my sentimental mother, "We are looking at the same moon!" and she had tears in her voice.
Of course I teased her about this, but it touched me too.

I see the moon and the moon sees me-
over the mountain, over the sea.
Please let the light that shines on me,
shine on the one I love.

Blob Blog

2008-10-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

She's gotten in the habit of PINCHING me while she is nursing and falling asleep. It was cute when she used to hold on to my nose, but now she grabs onto a hand full of skin and tries to rip it off.
It's not funny.
She loves the computer. She loves the cell phone. When I'm on the computer, I give her the cell phone. She actually TOSSES it aside and comes back to the computer.
At dinner, she takes three bites and then pushes the spoon away. It's not that she's not hungry, she just wants snacks instead.
No snacks. No food? No snacks. Wait a little while, she'll eat the food.
I think this is a definitive point. It's either spoiled or not from here on out.
Wish me luck!

Chicken Pox

2008-10-23T05:50:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me why I let them put so many vaccines in my baby. That when we were kids, it was just a few and now, every time they go in, there are four shots, two in each leg.
I don't remember what it was like when I was a kid. But a lot of people now are against immunizations.
One of the big ones is the vaccine for chicken pox. A friend of mine told me that there were two reported deaths from the chicken pox vaccine last year and none from the actual virus.
When I mentioned the vaccine to a family member and voiced my opinion that it seemed unnecessary because the chicken pox are not life-threatening in children, he said,
"yeah, but it's inconvenient".
Inconvenient.
Two days ago, I went to the pediatrician for a check up for Ms. Foo. He mentioned that on her next visit she would be getting immunized for measles, mumps and rubella and also for the chicken pox. I decided to ask him why a vaccine for chicken pox had come about.
This is what he said:
When kids get chicken pox, they miss school and parents miss work. We are trying to eliminate the amount of missed days.
Also, when children get chicken pox, they are immune to it for the rest of their lives. But if they do not get it, when they are adults, the chicken pox could be contracted in the form of shingles and this is much more dangerous.
Now, it is less likely for your daughter to contract chicken pox as a child, since everyone is being immunized against it. If you do not immunize her, she might get it as an adult.

So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here. I have never really gone to either side when it comes to immunizations. I just did it because that is what you do. I got immunized and have never suffered for it but never liked the idea of the large amount of vaccines with their chemicals and toxins that are now being injected into our children. But then I get scared to not give them because of the what if's.
However I felt I had to draw the line at chicken pox. But now, I can't, because she won't get it as a child. She'll have no one to get it from. And I'll put her at risk as an adult.
We've created more of a problem here. Missed days? Was that really the reason?
What's next, a vaccine against the common cold? Headaches? I know! A vaccine for sneezing!
And you know what? YOU CAN STILL GET SHINGLES EVEN IF YOU ARE IMMUNE TO CHICKEN POX! I know this for a fact as another family member of mine who actually gave ME the chicken pox as a child recently suffered from a (thankfully) mild bout of the shingles.
So what's the point? I understand polio, I understand the meningitis and the rubella, but chicken pox?
And now I can't even make a real choice about it?
Sigh
I don't even know why I'm talking about it.

P.S. Guess what I just read. There are studies showing that the vaccine wears off so every 5 years or so the kids have to get a booster shot, whereas before the vaccine was believed to offer lifetime protection. I feel like we are just trying to patch a leak with scotch tape here! Here is the link I got this from.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/179426/chicken_pox_vaccine_wares_off.html?cat=5

Peter Pan

2008-10-22T07:04:00.001-07:00

It's late. The lights are off, the lamp is lit. She crawls from one end of the bed to the other. Like she's a kitten stalking a ball of yarn. She gets to the wall and pulls herself up. She starts banging on it.
Strange. She usually goes for the dresser with its bottles and combs; the window with its blinds and cords. Why the plain wall?
She moves her head from side to side, she bends her knees and then pops back up. She hits the wall again, first with one hand, then with the other. She laughs.
"Look," says her dad, "she's playing with her shadow."

Naivety

2008-10-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not an expert. I've never raised a child before. But I can't help thinking that a few things are wrong, even though it seems that everybody does them.
Like, when your baby is crying, it doesn't seem useful or positive to put them in front of the mirror and say,
"See how you look, crying like that?"
Or when you are around other children and your child is agitated and the other child is calm, to say,
"Look how nice and sweet so-and-so is. Not like you, cranky and mean!"
Or worse, when you already have a child and have another one. Of course the older child is going to have more "behavioral lapses" than the new born baby. When this happens, you say,
"Oh, the new baby is so nice and quiet. Not a cry baby like you."

Whether you find it hard to believe or not, being around more and more parents, I find that many use these tactics to try and get their kids to behave.

Why? What does it accomplish? Making your baby ashamed of his emotions? Learning that he is less desirable than the world's other children? Than your other children?

You may think it is not a big deal. That it is a normal thing that everyone does.

It may be common but I do not believe it is normal.

At the risk of sounding like I am trying to save all the world's problems, I will say that perhaps many of the pains that we inflict on ourselves as adolescents and adults stem from these "normal" things our parents said to us as children.
Not that they did it to hurt us. They heard it from their parents too, and it seems to be effective in the moment.
When my neighbor says something like this to his son, his son is quiet. But is anyone looking at his face? He is ashamed. He is embarrassed. He knows now that his father prefers his brother to him. So he soon begins to jump all over him, begging his dad to play with him. His dad shoves him off. He's watching TV. He's in the way.
I don't know. My baby doesn't misbehave yet in a way that requires disciplinary action. Will I resort to these phrases? Will I tell her she is a bad girl? That she is bothering me? That she is in my way?
I was told these things as a child. They stay in my mind. They don't cause me night mares or panic attacks but they effect how I act when meeting new people. When starting a new job. I don't want to bother any body. Don't want to make any body mad.
Again, this is a subject I'll have to revisit later.
And maybe it sounds trivial.
But this is only because everyone does it. And it's easy.
It's harder to focus your attention away from whatever you are doing and think of a constructive way to deal with your child.
Or help them. They don't know very much. They need help, not to be "dealt with". They are not criminals.
They only want our attention. Or something tangible like food or sleep. (Is sleep tangible?). How hard is it to find out?
How easy is it to throw an insult their way. And again, make them more worried about whether or not you are happy with them than if they are happy with themselves.
Think about yourself. What you think about yourself. Then think about all the things we tell our children to get them to behave in the moment. Think about what you were told as a child. Do any of them correspond with your current feelings about yourself?
Once again, you may say, "Big deal, poor you, I'm playing the world's smallest violin." But, just think about it tonight when you go to bed. Watch, listen, and think about it later.

Graduation Recipes

2008-10-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

At around 9 months of age, you may be starting to transition your baby from purees to chunkier food.
At dinner time, you may sometimes find yourself at a loss. She is still too small to eat what you made for dinner if you made steak or burgers or chicken stir fry or spicy tomato sauce. But making a special meal for her now is a little more complicated than just boiling and blending a sweet potato.

So, what is the solution?

Here are a few recipes that are baby safe and friendly and still delicious for the adults at the table:

Teeny Pasta Soup

Place 3 tomatoes, 1/4 of an onion, and one clove of garlic with 1 cup of water in the blender. Liquefy.
In a large pot, toast some small pasta. Use stars or "pumpkin seed pasta". That's exactly what it's called. They look like little seeds. Use about half a pound. Toast it in some oil until it starts to brown.
Add the tomato puree you just blended to the pasta.
Add two cups of chicken broth.
Bring to a boil and cook until pasta is soft.
Salt to taste if you wish.

With Chicken

Boil a chicken breast
Cool and shred
Saute the shredded chicken with the pasta while it is still toasting.
Add tomato sauce. Follow the rest of the above recipe.

If you don't want to add chicken, this is a great side soup for a main course of grilled chicken or steak or anything else you might want for dinner that night.

Beef Stew

Make your tomato puree in the blender again
Cut three potatoes into small cubes
Slice 2 or 3 carrots
Slice half an onion
Slice 2 stalks of celery
Cut 3 ears of corn in half
Saute the potatoes and carrots in a large pot for about 7 minutes
Add the stew meat
When the meat has some color, add the onions, celery and corn. Add a smidgen of water Cover.
After about 7 minutes, add the tomato puree with two cups of chicken broth. Bring to a boil. Let simmer for about an hour.

If you like cilantro, it adds a marvelous touch to both or these recipes. Just add it near the end.

P.S. Rice and beans are a perfect meal for your little one, or even rice by itself if you happen to be having that.
Or you could add some avocado to the beans or rice if you'd like.

Elmo

2008-10-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

Tickle Me Elmo scared the noodles out of my daughter. It was given to her as a gift and we were all sure it would crack her up. And then the moment came. Elmo was placed in front of her and turned on.
It even scared me. As he laughs, he falls over violently and then back, in Frankenstein-like, jerky motions, kicking his legs and laughing in a voice that sounds like it's coming from a drive-thru speaker.
My daughter opened her eyes wide and reared back, making a sound that was not quite a cry. It was more like a hee-haw. Seriously. Then she started crying and clawing at the air behind but could not seem to take her terror stricken eyes off of Mr. Elmo.
We tried again.
This time, Elmo fell over onto her legs. He falls hard! And this completely un-did her.
Every time he moves, you can hear gears grinding and his feet are really heavy so they make a very loud knocking sound when they are kicked against the floor. He's not very lovable.
Poor thing.
We haven't turned it on in weeks. Sometimes she crawls over to him and touches an eyeball tentatively. When she sees he's not going to move, she knocks him over and crawls away.
As if she's saying, "Ha! That'll show 'em!"

Goodies

2008-10-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

Who wants their kids eating buckets of candy in a few weeks? Raise your hand.

Who wants their kids to miss out on all the fun? Raise your hand.

That's what I thought. This is a dilemma many of us are facing so I would like to share with you an idea from an expert.

Thresa has two little boys, Kaleb, 4 and Jude, 3. Last Halloween, Thresa went out and bought fun, inexpensive toys like yo-yos, puzzles, play dough, finger paints, and bubbles. She also purchased sugar free treats that she knew her boys like, such as sugar free pudding, Popsicles and yogurt. Then she put a candy price tag on each item. She told Kaleb (Jude didn't really get it yet) that if he wanted, say, a yo-yo, he had to give up 5 pieces of candy. Something like a monster truck might yield a higher price of 10 pieces of candy.
You could tailor your prizes to your child of course.
Thresa found that her 4-year-old eventually gave up most of his candy in exchange for toys and, after she explained that candy is not healthy for our bodies, gave up the rest for healthier snacks.
Healthy bodies is a talk Thresa has often with her boys which may be why this was so utterly successful for her but I believe that even those of us who have never once had this talk with our children can benefit from this little bartering system.
Now, what to do with all the candy? We certainly should not eat it ourselves! Although we may be tempted to stash in the closet or on top of the fridge in a non see through bag, why don't you take it to work or give it to someone to do so? Place it in a big bowl on a counter or desk. There are usually so many people in a work place that if everyone takes two, it will be gone in a day or two and everyone's happy, healthy and CALM. For the most part, anyway.
And you don't have to spend tons of cash. Hit the dollar store for your treats and you'll get more for your money.
Thank you, Thresa!
By the way, I don't think there's any harm in stashing a few pieces of candy, do you?

RE: The Belly

2008-10-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

This is a response I got from my good friend in California to last weeks blog about Belly Fat.

"I also hate the magazines that praise mothers for getting their baby weight off.
Thank you main stream media for glorifying great moms, or good parenting, or spending time with your kids, or sacrifice...no, instead your greatness is identified only by your size two body being back. Thank God we can look at you again, because that extra weight...it was unbearable.
uhhhh.."

I got so many great responses from all of you concerning this topic! Thank you all for your support!

P.S. Ms. Foo is waving, clapping, starting to high five, dancing to music, imitating her dad when he burps, and laughing her behind off all the time.

I LOVE MS. FOO!!!

And I love all of you, too.

Don't forget!

2008-10-10T05:08:00.001-07:00

The most important thing to remember in the first few weeks of being alone with your baby: YOU HAVE TO EAT!
In the very beginning, there is a swarm of people surrounding you, wanting to hold the baby and hopefully making you some chicken soup. But after about six weeks, you will inevitably find yourself alone sometimes. Maybe even for a whole day. As you are trying to understand the rhythm of life with your new baby and how to juggle showers and laundry with feedings every two hours and five poopy diapers a day, you may reach 3 in the afternoon and realize you have not eaten.
And this may be the most important thing you do for yourself because if you are not well fed, you will not have body strength or mental lucidity to make good choices for your baby.
Eat well. Sounds easier than it really is. What do you eat? When do you have time to prepare a healthy meal? How do you not just grab five chocolate chip cookies for breakfast?
You keep healthy foods in your house that you can grab and eat.
Grapes. Baby carrots, popcorn, bananas, cherry tomatoes, good whole-grain cereal like total and honey bunches of oats(not cinnamon toast crunch or trix), raisins for your cereal, cold cuts and cheese, rice cakes, peanut butter, yogurt, hummus. Keep frozen strawberries on hand and throw them in the blender with milk or orange juice and a banana. Make these items part of your grocery list and just plain leave out the cookies and ice cream for a while. If you don't, you will end up eating these all day because they are easy. But the foods mentioned above are easy too, hardly require any preparation and are HEALTHY!
Soon, you will find a balance and you will learn to do almost everything with one hand while you carry your baby. But for now, concentrate on getting enough rest (nap with your baby) and eating well. The laundry will get done. Your strength is more important.

Barrel of Monkeys

2008-10-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

I've found out the Ms. Foo, who is 9 months old, loves to play Barrel of Monkeys! Of all the colorful, blinking, flashing, singing, spinning toys we have bought her, this plain green barrel of monkeys has been her favorite.
I sit across from her and begin play alone, pulling apes out of the barrel, connecting them, putting them back in, starting again. Ms. Foo pulls them out, puts one half way in her mouth, clutches one in each hand, and bounces up and down. I just keep going, quietly singing a song that recites the names of our whole family as she pulls at the little green plastic chain, dumps over the barrel, grabs fistfuls of monkeys. She even tries to help me make the chain but has not developed the motor skills to connect them yet. She just touches the chain with the one she is holding and then looks at me a bit confused.
Of course, this has to be a supervised game because they could possibly be choked on if not watched carefully. But it's really fun! We have actually played this game for 30 MINUTES! That is a record. And it cost less than $3.

The Wonderous Grocery Store Travels

2008-10-08T07:57:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to three different stores and only bought some meat, avocados, and cheese. It was great. I left Ms. Foo at home with her dad and walked all over the neighborhood. I took my headphones, a big, baggy hooded sweatshirt and big sunglasses. I wanted to be incognito. I went to the health food store looking for this magic soap everyone is raving about. It was, of course, the price of a professional spa treatment. I did not buy it. I stopped at a vending table outside on the sidewalk and looked at the hand made earrings. I went to a tiny market looking for avocados but they were no good. I walked some more. Glanced at the out door thrift market. Wandered on down to the bakery where there was no bread for some reason so I bought none. Meandered back to the grocery store. Bought a few things. Chatted with the woman who bags groceries. She asked for the baby. I told her she was at home with her dad.
"That's great!" she said.
And it was. Not everyone is able to commit to a weekly class or group and for some of us, a part time job would only bring in enough money to pay for someone to watch the baby while we are at work. And, as I have mentioned before, some days you feel like pulling your hair out. But, you know what? I always have to go to the grocery store. And I have decided to go it alone, if I can. It can be a nice, long walk or drive. I am not far away if I have to rush home for some reason.
It cleared my head, I didn't spend money I didn't absolutely have to, and I didn't have one iota of guilt.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The Belly

2008-10-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

At what point to people think it's ok to comment on your weight? Do they think they are doing you a favor, pointing out something you had over looked? You know, I just had a baby. And I do not have a personal trainer. So I still have a belly. So does every one else that had a baby around the same time I did. Is it something I should be ashamed of?
A friend of mine with a 7 month old little boy recently went to the dermatologist to see about a strange itch on her belly and was offered laser surgery to fix her belly.
My neighbor with a three month old baby gets asked, "Your still pregnant?"
Once, a woman I had just met at a barbecue said how much she missed babies now that her kids were grown and then said, "So, you're pregnant again?" Then when I declined a shot of tequila another woman said in a very loud aside, "She's pregnant, right?"
NO!
You know, people had more tact when I actually was pregnant.
People I used to work with:
"Wow, you really...grew. Are you pregnant again?"
Yes, I grew. Yes, my belly protrudes a little. Yes, I have stretch marks. And you know what? I LOVE IT! I grew and carried a baby in this body! And I really believe that this little pouch I have is what is feeding my baby (I breast feed) as it is slowly disappearing as she grows. I know that I had healthy habits during my pregnancy and continue to do so. (Not that I don't love chocolate cake). When I look at my self in the mirror, I feel strong and proud.
But when I go out, I think every one's eyes go straight to my belly. I even ask people I feel more comfortable with, "What are you looking at? My belly? My fat belly?" I feel like everyone is disappointed with me for not being able to fit into my pre pregnancy jeans yet.
But the truth is, I don't care about that! I have a baby, and this is all part of it. I think I look great! And so does my neighbor and my friend with the itchy belly. (That just means that you are healing from birth).
It took nine months for your body to grow with child. It takes about a year to get back to "normal". It's such a beautiful time. Hormones raging and your brand new menstrual cycle getting kicked off. Getting to hold your child all the time and watch her learn to talk and move about. Why can't they just let us revel in that, it will never happen again, not in this same way. Why can't they let us have our belly fat?
The next time some one asks me if I am pregnant while I am holding my relatively new born baby, I'm going to say
"No. I just love to eat." or, "No, are you?" Ha ha! Thanks to my two aunts for those responses, by the way.
I love this new body that I have. It makes me feel solid and accomplished. But that does not mean it does not hurt when people are insensitive and mean.
I find myself looking at others who recently had babies, comparing my self to them.
It's strange the strength of both sides of my feelings. Like they belong to two different people.
One connected to the mother spirit, confident in her purpose.
The other shying off to the corners, sucking in her belly.
My life is a Ferris wheel. Do you ever feel that way?

A question and some celery

2008-10-03T05:39:00.000-07:00

I received a question asking which Grandmother's gave the advice for yesterday's blog.
Well, onion tea was given to me by a sweet woman who is Ms. Foo's adopted Grandmother. Ms. Foo is named after her and we love her very much.
The ginger tea was a remedy used by my husband's grandmother in Mexico.
The tomato and salt on the throat was given to me by my own grandmother on my mother's side.
And, finally, the boiled rice water by my neighbor's grandmother in Macedonia.

The question also asked if they work.
I have personally tried the onion and ginger teas and have found them SUPER effective. I have also given the recipe to a few other people and they have come back to me astounded at their strength.

I have not tried the tomato yet, but my grandmother has never given me advice that did not carry.

The rice water I have not tried either but I have heard it from a few other people, including the woman who suggested the onion tea.

AND here is another one for colicky babies:

Boil celery. Mix one ounce of it's water in a bottle with baby's milk or plain water or juice.
Usually, colicky baby's become fussy at around the same time every day. If you administer the celery water about half an hour before your baby gets fussy, it will really help if not get rid of the problem.

I helped care for a colicky baby a few years ago. He was crying and crying. The upstairs neighbor came down stairs with a stalk of celery in her hand and told us about this remedy. We gave it to him and he fell fast asleep. So, I know this one works.

Tips from the Grandmothers

2008-10-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

For chest congestion and cough:

Take half a red onion and cut into quarters
Boil it with cinnamon, half a lime and honey

This acts as an expectorant. It will make you cough even more, but you will be coughing up all the phlegm that is in your chest. You will feel much better but you must drink it again in about eight hours.

It doesn't taste at all like onion. It tastes like cinnamon and honey

For fever:

Strong ginger tea. It will make you sweat the fever out.

For sore throat:

Slice a tomato. Sprinkle salt on the slices and place them on your throat. This will suck the infection out of your throat.

For baby's sick tummy

Boil rice. Feed your baby the water from that rice. It settles their stomach.

Fever

2008-10-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

So, this is what I have been doing to keep my daughter's fever down

baths of lukewarm water and vinegar
medium thin slices of potato in her socks, underneath her feet and against her belly, tied in place with a bandanna. I tried putting them around her head, but she kept pulling the bandanna off. The potatoes help pull the fever out. You can tell it is working if the potatoes turn black. You can also pour vinegar on the potatoes before placing them on the body.
dipping receiving blankets in water and vinegar and wrapping her in them
putting cool wash clothes on her head
baby Motrin
the hospital! Her fever went up to 103.6 and we freaked. The doctor said to watch for vomiting or trouble breathing or a fever of 104. He also said if the fever doesn't go away in three days, to bring her back.
Not sleeping. She wouldn't cry when her fever would get really high. She would stay asleep. It's so scary! What if I had been sleeping? Don't think about it. Just stay up. Funny how you don't get tired. I watched a lot of movies.
Chamomile tea
Soothing

Her fever is still there. A nurse in the family told me that a fever below 104 is actually a good thing because it is fighting whatever is in the body trying to cause harm.

She also said that the most accurate temperature is taken rectally. If you do take it under the arm, you have to add one degree to the reading.
If she still has it tomorrow, it's back to the emergency room!
I'll keep you posted

Sick Day

2008-09-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

Poor Ms. Foo, she has a fever! We'll talk about it soon, I have to attend to her right now.

When to ditch the bobo

2008-09-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere that the best time to take a pacifier away from your baby is between 7 and 9 months because babies will not remember it, whereas an older child will and will ask and cry for it. I decided to try this for myself. I took her pacifier away at about 7 1/2 months and this is what I found.
The first night, after she fell asleep and I stopped breast feeding, she looked for it in her sleep so I continued breast feeding until she let go on her own.
After a night or two, she stopped looking for the pacifier, but she would not let go of the breast for a really long time. And I mean WOULD NOT let go.
This continued for about 3 weeks. Now, she is almost 9 months old and it's like the pacifier never was. I did have to go through a short time of breast feeding for a longer time than I was used to after she fell asleep, but there was no crying and the amount of times she wakes up at night has not changed.
So, it worked for me. One word of advice. THROW THE PACIFIER AWAY. Why? Because you'll miss your cute baby who sucked on a pacifier and that first night, she may look so sweet looking for it in her sleep, you may break and give it back.
Good Luck!

Some days are like that

2008-09-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, my neighbor says, when she opens her eyes in the morning, they fill with tears. She has to get up to ready her four year old for the pre-school bus and care for her brand new three month old baby. Big deal, right? She's not alone, she's not poor, (well, some on Park Ave. may think so, but we do all right.) She has two beautiful kids and a husband who loves her and helps out. So, what's the problem? Why the tears?
I don't know the answer. What I do know, is that when she told me this, I knew exactly how she felt. Some days are like that and I thought I was the only one, that something was wrong with me. I don't understand it. I think that sometimes you just feel lost. From the moment you get up you are worrying about other people. For every second, even while you are peeing. And most of the time, this is cool. I like to feel needed, I love to know that my daughter wants to be with me, and that my husband still finds me sexy. But there is no retreat. No time in a room all by myself when no one even notices I am missing. No wandering a book store alone or taking a nap in the afternoon.
We have tried to find solutions for this. But, a lot of times, the only way my husband can help me is with me talking him through it. I try to have some alone time while my husband watches the baby but he more often than not comes to find me because he "doesn't know what's wrong with her". It lasts about five minutes. It's like being in the spotlight for twenty four hours a day. Sometimes I just want to retreat into the wings.
But no one else knows the part except me.
Of course, things do not have to be like this. I could go to work and hire a day care or a nanny. I could use the Ferber method on my daughter and let her cry while I relax in another room. I have made my choices about my life and this is why things are this way. I am not a victim, at all. Many days I am proud, productive and happy. But some days are like that. Some days I just feel like I barely have enough. It seems like I can't collect energy in the spotlight. I need to retreat, to gather up what I need to give it my all. I'm still struggling with how to do this, though. It's all right, this is all still fairly new.
The magazines talk about hiring a baby-sitter while you take a long, luxurious bath or taking a yoga class. Obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. And, I don't have any tips right now on how to keep your sanity. It's different fore every one's situation. All I can say is that, I sometimes feel like crying too and not to feel bad. Just cry. Maybe after you do, you'll find some clarity.

She will bite you

2008-09-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

Yes she will. If you think it's bad when her bottom teeth come in, just wait until she gets her top teeth. You will really and truly think that she bit your nipple off. If it is dark and your milk has already let down, you will think you are bleeding everywhere. You want to let her latch on again but you keep pulling back, anticipating another chomp down.

Go ahead and yell, you will really want to and will alert your baby that something is wrong.

There are a lot of methods to remedy a nipple biting baby. One I've heard of is putting the hungry baby on the floor and letting her cry for ten minutes so she realizes the biting caused the leaving on the floor. However, I am not a big fan of letting kids "cry it out". Personally, I don't think a baby can make the connection after being left on the floor for ten minutes. They will just be upset and will have completely forgotten the biting.

I've noticed that when I yell, Ms. Foo looks up at me really surprised and she doesn't do it again that feeding. Every baby is different, but I have also seen that she only bites me when she is done feeding and just playing around or when I try to feed her when she is not hungry. So I try to make sure she is really hungry by putting her to my breast while it is still covered and seeing if she tries to find it with a lot of enthusiasm or just with mild interest.

She still bites me sometimes, but I believe it's getting better.
Bye!

Twirly Things

2008-09-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

So, the funny thing is, that you buy your baby all kinds of cool toys that spin and flash and sing songs and count to ten in English and Spanish. But you set them in front of her and she goes for the keys or your cell phone or the remote control. Why is this? You can't let her play with these things! Keys are dirty, cell phones will get ruined by slobber, remote controls have some weird silver paint on them. But she doesn't want her toys! Help!
Well, never fear. Why do you think she wants the stuff you have instead of the cool stuff you got for her?
Because! She is watching you and sees that you are supremely interested in your cell phone and that the remote control is always in your hand. These things are obviously interesting to you and she wants to do what you are doing because she wants to learn from you. She imitates what you do in facial expressions and sounds, so why not when it comes to play things?
So.
Pick up her plastic twirly thing and turn it over in your hands. Tap it. Look at it and furrow your brow. In short, act like you are really interested in it. Play with it. After a while, you know what will happen? Your baby will grab it out of your hand and stick it in her mouth. Ha ha! Try it, it works!

The Heimlich

2008-09-19T09:44:00.001-07:00

An interview with Tina Garcia, an activities director for Share Your Care in Albuquerque, NM which is a center for adults with mental disabilities. She is certified in CPR in both infants and adults.

M: Hello, Tina, how are you this morning?

T: I'm well, thank you.

M: You tell me you are certified to give CPR to infants.

T: Yes, that is true

M: Can you also help a baby who may be choking?

T: Yes. The thing to remember when thinking of performing the Heimlech Menuvar on an infant, is to make sure that they really do need it. Watch them very closeley. If they are coughing, this means that they can still breath and their body will most likely be able to take care of it.

M: What if they are not coughing?

T: If you see they are choking and are not coughing or making any noise you should perform the procedure on them.

M: Would you share this procedure with us?

T: I would be happy to. The first thing you must do is lay them face down across you r forearm, supporting their chest and abdomen, making sure the head is lower than the chest.
Next, you must pound them fairly hard on the back five times between the shoulder blades.
Flip the baby over and take two fingers in the middle of their chest, right below the nipple line, and press in five hard, quick jabs. Your baby may be sore for a day or two, but it will most likely be worth it.
Now turn the baby over again and look for the object in their mouth. If it is there, remove it and continue with rescue breaths. If you can not see it, repeat the Heimlich.

M: What are rescue breaths?

T: You should place your hand on the baby's forehead and push gently so the chin tilts up a bit. Then cover the baby's mouth and nose with your mouth and breath in. But you do not have to breath forcefully. You should breath as normally as you do for yourself. Do so until the chest rises. Then uncover the mouth and nose, breath in for yourself, wait for the baby's chest to fall and repeat.

M: What if these procedures fail to remove the object or get the baby to breath again?

T: Then, you should call 911 and continue the procedures until help arrives.

M: This was very helpful Ms. Garcia, thank you very much.

T: It was my pleasure!

Remember everyone, we are not doctors. Ms. Garcia is certified but you should always speak to a medical professional before making any decisions regarding your health or the health of your child.

When should I start?

2008-09-18T09:49:00.000-07:00

Just watch them closely to make sure they are not gonna choke. That's what I have to say.

At around 5 months, start with one plain puree. Squash, carrot, sweet potato, peas, green beans. But only one at a time for about a week at a time. Sometimes the strong flavor tastes sour to a baby, so if your baby seems to not like the veggie, mix it with some baby cereal to bland it out a bit.

Next, try mixing some veggies.

If you want to give a quick snack and don't have to time to boil and puree, peel only half of the peel away from a banana so the other half makes a little dish for you. Take a baby spoon and scrape the banana with it. What accumulates on the spoon is soft enough for your baby to eat.

When she has gotten used to eating purees, you can scrape fresh apple and pear as well.

Next, at about 7 months, you can start throwing boiled chicken and pasta into the blender with the veggies.

At eight months, try just mashing up beans and squash or boiled carrots.

If you feel your baby is ready, give her a piece of toasted bread to munch on. You can also try to give her rice. BUT!!! Watch her closely to make sure she will not choke.
Let her try shredded chicken or turkey with a little sauce.

THINGS THEY SAY YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE YOUR BABY UNTIL ONE YEAR OF AGE:
1. Peanut Butter
2. Tomatoes
3. Egg
4. At two years of age: Seafood
5. Red Meats and Pork

I have given my daughter tomato sauce and egg and she has been fine, but doctors recommend to wait until a year has passed.

Remember! I am not a doctor! This is all based on MY experience with MY baby who is now eight and a half months old.

Tomorrow, an interview with Tina Garcia who is certified in CPR and will explain how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on your baby, if the need should ever arise.

A Few New Things, don't get too excited

2008-09-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

At eight and a half months old, Ms. Foo is doing all kinds of fun and funny stuff. She imitates her auntie who rests her head on her bent arm while lying on the couch, only Ms. Foo puts her fist to the side of her head then falls over.
She also plays a game with her grandma where she leans way over to one side then back up again over and over. It gets her grandma dizzy.
While she was playing on the floor, I said to her, "Who's outside?" and she started excitedly looking outside. These are major comprehensions for her!
She says Mama and looks at her dad when I say Papa. She can walk forward in her walker when she feels like it and she sits in front of the parrot's cage and speaks to him in a loud voice.
I love her, she is so cool.

Snakes and Grapes: my dilemma

2008-09-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

Kenny, my brother in law, took Ms. Foo, my daughter, out for a walk. They saw bees pollinating flowers. They saw some barking dogs behind a fence. They saw different plants like desert sage and lavender, Spanish broom and cactus. A catafa tree, a hummingbird.
Meanwhile, I am inside with my aunt and sisters. My aunt is telling a horrifyingly funny story about her husband. He picked a bushel of Snake Weed from their yard and boiled a big pot of Snake Weed tea to cure his sinuses because, she says, Snake Weed is a diuretic. Her husband drinks some and he feels a little better, so he says to himself
"If a little does a little good, then a lot ought do a lot of good!" and he drinks the entire large pot of Snake Weed tea which proceeds to dry him up like a dried up old fool. My aunt bulges her eyes and sucks in her cheeks, drawing her shoulders up and her arms in as she imitates him coughing and gagging and completely dehydrated. Ha Ha. We laughed.
Just then, Kenny comes back in from his walk with Ms. Foo. She is clutching a spray of orange flowers and chewing.
"What is she chewing?" I ask. Kenny looks down,
"I think its this flower" he says
"Oh!" says my aunt, "That's the plant I was talking about. That's Snake Weed."

WHAT!!!!! How long has she been chewing? How much did she chew? Is she gonna dry up? Should we go to the emergency room? Give her water! Give her more! Oh my god! Ms. Foo, are you all right? Kenny, I'm never leaving you alone with her again!!!!

Then my sister says,
"Oh, that' ok, when I was with her the other morning, she ate some powder off a morning glory."
And my mother says,
"Yesterday, I was showing her the grape vine and all of a sudden I look at her and she has a little lump in her cheek! She's so fast, she just popped it in her mouth without me noticing!"

I'm never letting anyone take her on walks again. I'm going to put her an a plastic cage and never let her out of the house. I'm going to wrap her in gauze and tape her mouth shut.

Sounds ridiculous, right? But don't tell me, mama's, that you haven't sometimes felt like going to some extreme. How am I suppossed to protect her and let her go at the same time? I know kids eat weird stuff all the time. My husband ate chicken poo when he was two. My grandfather ate a glass bottle when he was nine months old. My little sister ate chalk.
I'm just afraid. I know we all watch her and love her and don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I am afraid. Do I just stop? Stop being afraid and hope for the best? What did you do?

A few minutes later she pooped. She hadn't pooped in two days. She ate the Snake Weed and there it was. Serendipitous if I do say so myself.
Sigh

Tiddly Tidbit

2008-09-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

Now that it is getting a little colder, I've started putting socks on my baby. All summer she was barefoot all the time. What I've noticed in the past few days is...how incredibly dirty her socks get! From us helping her walk around and her crawling. I never saw all that dirt on her feet! It's amazing what a sock can tell you. Yech!

Chest Pain

2008-09-11T09:58:00.000-07:00

The first few days of breast feeding are painful. Very painful. Because your nipples are not used to being sucked on constantly, when your baby latches on you will feel an intense burning for a few seconds. Only for the first few seconds. And after about a week, it doesn't hurt anymore. If it does continue to hurt, or if it hurts all the time in the beginning, even after the baby has been latched on for a while, YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR DOCTOR. The baby is not latching on correctly and your milk ducts could get plugged and infected. Don't let the doctor's tell you everything is fine. If you are feeling constant pain, or pain after a month of breast feeding, there is something wrong.
Another thing. In the beginning, your baby will basically want to live at your breast. She will want to be suckling even if she is not hungry. Let her. This is what helps to bring your milk down. And it is very comforting for her. She has been close to you for nine months. Keep her close. She'll wander off on her own when she figures out she can.
Don't think that your baby wants to suckle all the time because she is not getting enough, she is. Her stomach is very tiny. So she needs to eat constantly. You may feel like you have time for nothing else but feeding. It's true. Breast milk is also mostly water so she will get hungry faster. But, do not fret! Just like the back ache and the sleeplessness, this does not last. Don't give up! It's not forever! Soon, you won't even remember this time. You'll be too busy chasing her around!

The luxury of sleep

2008-09-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

In the first few weeks of your baby's life, she most likely will want to eat every two hours if not more. This is true for all baby's because their stomach is so tiny that it fills up and empties out very fast. If your baby is drinking formula, you may have a little help with those midnight feedings but not much. If your baby is drinking breast milk, you aren't going to have help at all.
In the beginning, a feeling identical to anger may try to creep up on you at two in the morning, which you will try to ignore. How could you be angry with your precious baby?
The truth is, you are not angry with your baby. You are angry at the unknown for robbing you of the luxury of sleep you had for the last nine months. Especially after birth when you are introduced to a brand of tired that wasn't in any of the magazines. It seems unjust that you should have to fully wake up every two hours, feed a dribbling person, burp them for twenty minutes, change her wet diaper, and then listen as she poops loudly in the clean one. You feel like you are being treated cruelly. And behind that feeling is guilt for being angry.
The thing to remember is that EVERYONE feels this way right after they bring their baby home. Or, if you had her at home, after the midwife leaves and you are left alone with your baby for the first time.
Be assured that this feeling doesn't last forever. After you have properly mourned your deceased ability to sleep deeply, the best thing to do is resign yourself. Accept that you won't be getting any sleep at night. Abandon your pillow. Put a good book next to your bed or armchair (wherever you will be feeding the baby), pop your favorite movie into the DVD player, prepare some healthy snacks, and have yourself a little new mama slumber party. During the day, it is more likely someone will be around to help you so you can have a nice sized nap.
You will be more loving and calm if you don't think your baby is trying to turn you into a zombie. And soon, her stomach will grow and she will sleep longer and all will be well. Hang in there!

Rocking chairs and Nursery themes.

2008-09-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

It's hard to know what you will need when preparing for the birth of your first child. You know what you have seen growing up, on TV, and what everyone has told you every time they ask you "What you are planning to do?" and you just don't know yet. You know you need warm clothes, blankets, diapers, a gentle soap. But there are so many things marketed now, so many things people believe they need, that it is a sin to do without.
A rocking chair. Don't forget about a rocking chair. If you don't get a rocking chair, you are going to be sorry. What do you mean you are going to use cloth diapers? A one bedroom apartment? What about the baby's nursery? Hm, we'll see how long that lasts. A single breast pump? You need a double breast pump! I have a double breast pump, you should get one too!
In each and every one of us, there is a steadfast voice sending images to our brain of what we will need for our unique baby in our unique situation. And surrounding that voice are a thousand other one's that are telling us that we are wrong. There are one or two certain people you ask for advice, but they always seem to be at the other end of a large crowd of yapping mouths telling you their expert opinion on why you are making a mistake if you don't use hypnobreathing during your labor and that Super Baby formula is the way to go, it increases DHA levels and makes their hair grow faster and blah blah blah.
Maybe they are afraid. Maybe they know that the world is in trouble and they are trying to save it by changing the way we raise our children. I believe that this is at the heart of all the babble. We know, in our heart of hearts that we could do better. That our parents could have done better. And so now, we are trying to make it right. But no one knows that this is their deep desire.. So they translate it into a need to force you into their way of doing things, to prove themselves...to themselves. If only we would realize that this is and has always been the problem. Not realizing that what works for your neighbor might not work for you and what works for you might not work for your brother's girlfriend is what has caused so many tragedies throughout history. Each of us, left to our own devices, knows inherently what we need to do to survive. Forcing others to follow our way causes confusion, anger, fear, and self doubt.
Now, back to that steadfast voice. When you are waiting for your baby and you lie with your eyes closed, you will tell yourself what it is that you need. Some of us need a rocking chair. Others say they will use the couch or a prop of pillows and worry more about finding a tiny bathtub. Still others will use the kitchen sink as a bathtub and say they want a rich selection of classical music emanating through the air at all times. Is the first baby going to turn out better than the second because his mother had a rocking chair? Is the third baby going to suffer in her adult hood because she was bathed in the sink? No. But if each mother is left to her own instincts, each baby will grow up loved and independent. They will have a strong mother who is sure of her choices. Not a wobbly one who second guesses her self at every turn and inevitably passes that behavior onto her child.
Each of us, unique as a snowflake (snicker, well it's true!), needs different things. My way of coping with labor pain is not what is going to work for you. We can talk, trade ideas, a few will stick, but my dear, I am not crazy or less than you if I do not follow your solitary band wagon. Birth is as beautifully lonesome and private as prayer. Child rearing is as terrifying and gratifying as scaling a mountain. We are not talking about decorating your house or parallel parking your car. We are talking about a great task we have been charged with. "Do this with love" is our only instruction. So, sister, lay those clucking hens that surround you to rest. Put in some ear plugs and scale your mountain.

'

Baby Food

2008-09-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

I am busy busy busy today, but I do have a quick tip to share with all you new moms who are ready to start feeding your baby solid foods.
First of all, Thank You to my very best friend Thresa for sharing this great idea with me!

If you want to make fresh food for your baby, you might run into a few strange semi-problems.

One carrot, squash, sweet potato, makes way more than your baby is going to eat in one sitting.
You don't have time to make a fresh meal for your baby every day.

Well, this tip will solve both of those problems for you!

Okay, go ahead and boil the whole squash. Puree it then set aside enough for your baby's dinner. Pour the rest into a...Ta Da da DAAAAAA! ICE TRAY!!!!
Cover it with plastic wrap or aluminum foil and stick it in the freezer.
When ever you are ready to use it, pop a cube out and put it in the microwave for about 45 seconds.
And there you have it!

Asleep

2008-09-04T05:22:00.000-07:00

A child is the fleeting image of God.
Stroke their hand with your finger.
Tomorrow it will be the hand of an older child.

He says,
"When she laughs she looks like you"
When she sleeps, she looks like him.

Cleaning house, it could serve a double purpose

2008-09-03T05:17:00.001-07:00

I have been looking for alternatives to the mainstream cleaning supplies for two reasons. My daughter is always hanging around when I am cleaning and, if I don't want to have to wait until she takes a nap, she could be breathing in harsh fumes. The next reason is cost. I totally bought in to the whole "You need forty different products to clean your bathroom and look at all the nasty microscopic stuff on your door knob! We have to disinfect the sewer!" marketing strategy. Costs have been going up and I realized after my last staggering trip to the local "lowest price guaranteed" store that most of what I buy is unnecessary. But this blog is about a little more, please bear with me.
What I learned while researching is that white vinegar is a natural cleanser. The recipe called for 1 cup of vinegar and 1 cup of water in a spray bottle, straight vinegar for the toilet bowl. For scouring the bathtub, baking soda is suggested. I tried it, it worked wonders. It may have just been psychological, but it seemed to work even better. Everything was very clean and bright. But what concerned me was the lack of disinfectant. And the lingering smell of vinegar. It only lasts a few hours, but still.
So back to the research. You know what I found? Herbs. Now, just hear me out. My grandmother uses Rosemary tea (made of fresh or dried rosemary, not teabags) to clean infected cuts. When my daughter's eczema cheeks got infected, I used this and it healed her in less than one day.
When I gave birth, I tore badly in two places. My mother made me a wash of rosemary tea to promote healing and soothing. So when I read that rosemary has disinfecting properties and that you could clean with it, I was not surprised. I also read that you can use Sage, Thyme, or Lavender. I tried it, it was great and even though I mixed it with vinegar there was no strong smell. But here is my point.
There is a school of thought that gives Sage as an herb that cleanses the spirit and expels negative energy from the home. People burn it in new houses to bless the energy inside. They "wash" themselves with its smoke if they feel weighed down by, perhaps, and encounter with a negative person or to dispel the evil eye. So, doesn't it follow to say that if you clean with healing herbs, not only are you cleaning your house but that you are on a regular basis (depending on how often you clean your bathroom and mop your floor) cleaning the energy of your house? It's abstract and obscure, you may say, but I am sharing it with you nonetheless. Happy cleaning.

"tree hugging family" is a blog about natural living. They have some great blogs about natural beauty products and home cleaning supplies that are worth checking out if you ever decide to ditch old Mr. Clean. Here is a link to their blog about 25 safe homemade cleaning supplies.

http://www.treehuggingfamily.com/25-safe-non-toxic-homemade-cleaning-supplies/

Addicted to Approval

2008-09-02T05:26:00.001-07:00

My husband is beautiful. When he gets attention, he definitely likes it. However, I have never told him how cute I think he is. I should, but I haven't, and his confidence and self worth has never wavered since we've gotten together. If he gets a compliment, he tells me about it and laughs. If he doesn't, he doesn't wonder why.
He never says,
"Do you like this?" in regards to his personal appearance or things that he does. He gives one hundred percent when he does something, whether he's doing his hair or building a shed. (He spends much more time doing his hair than I do). He's vain, yes, but he is not looking for approval. I know this because when I used to ask him why he worried so much about his appearance, or why it took him so long to chop onions, he actually said these words,
"Everything I do, I like to do well. It makes me feel good. Otherwise, there is no reason to do it."
Hm.
Then there is me. A large part of my communication with people goes like this:
"Did you like the food?"
"How do I look?"
"Did you read my blog? Did you like it?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"What do you think?"
"Look what I did!"
I don't do things for the joy of doing them. I do them so that other people can tell me how great I am. I need approval. If I don't get it, I think that I am useless.
And then there is my daughter. She is eight months old. Right now, she does not notice praise. When she crawled for the first time, I clapped and was obviously really excited and happy. The next day, she crawled again. I watched silently. She went a little further. Each day, she crawled further, faster, and I did not praise her once. I was happy, yes, ecstatic, but this is not what motivated her. What motivated her was an innate desire to learn and explore. We are all born with this desire but in many of us it is over taken by a learned desire for approval and everything around us feeds it.
Gold stars, A pluses, trophies and metals, competitions (who is the fastest, who wrote the best poem), getting paid for what you do, selling screenplays, getting signed for a record deal, winning America's Next Top Model, getting hired, getting casted. We feel that our purpose is to be the best at something.
An example I have is my neighbor's little boy. When he would come over to visit, I would give him crayons and paper. He is so addicted to praise that he would not even draw pictures. He would just make a mark on the paper and then look at me expectantly. When he was learning to write, if he drew, let's say, the "D" backwards and I told him that it went the other way, he would leave, or hide.
But babies don't want to be the best baby of the year. They don't want to be the fastest crawler. The first to cut a tooth. Likewise, they have no qualms about creating a scene in a library or farting during Sunday mass. They would never say to themselves, "What will people say?". When they get older, they don't want to draw pictures so that they will win prizes, they do it because it makes them happy. Neither do they worry about hurting any one's feelings if they do not like the food that was prepared. But as we get older, we learn to control ourselves and our bodies when in public and to use tact when presented with something that is far from our favorite. It is important to learn respect for other people's feelings. Not passing gas in the movie theater is more about respect than self-consciousness. Unfortunately, the tactics that are used to teach these things also teach us that other people's approval is how we should measure our self-worth.
If I burp in a fancy restaurant and my mother says "You are disgusting" or even "Don't do that, it's disgusting", I am not learning that I should be respectful of others; I am learning that my behavior displeases my mother. So next time, I might wait until we leave the restaurant and say "Aren't you happy? I didn't burp during dinner!" And then she will say, "Yes! You are such a good girl!" and from now on, everything I do will be aimed at getting someone else to tell me that I am good, that I have made them happy instead of doing things that make me feel good and make me happy.
So maybe it would help more if she said " Let's not make too much noise, so everyone can enjoy their dinner. If you have to burp, cover your mouth with your hand and say 'Excuse me'".

It's gonna happen anyway. When she goes to school, everything will be geared toward getting the highest score and doing things that make the teacher say "Good job!", "Great drawing!", "Excellent paper". But if I do the same thing at home, her need for praise will be that much stronger. So, maybe, if she comes to me with a clay heart that she shaped, instead of saying, "Oh, that's wonderful!", I can say, "You made a heart out of clay! Was that fun? " So now, instead of shaping her to do things to get a reaction from me, I am making her think about how she feels about what she has done. I don't think it's evil to say "It's wonderful". But it may not do any good.
For now, I'll show my excitement when she does something new because I want to express my joy but then I will let her continue on her way. If she learns to put the square block in the square hole, I'll smile to my self and let my heart swell and then give her another square block without saying anything. My expressions of love should come consistently but not as a reward. Outside influences are inevitable, but, for a long time, I will be the strongest influence. She should know that she should not do things that hurt others but I would like to help her keep the belief she was born with: that life is about finding her happiness, not about causing it in others.

Sources: Whole Child, Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends, Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D., The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff and these links:

http://www.todaysparent.com/schoolage/article.jsp?content=20061003_165740_408&page=1

http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html

Pacifiers

2008-08-29T05:22:00.001-07:00

Since my daughter was born, we've been waiting for her to grow up. We want her to open her eyes, to hold her head up. To grab things, roll over, crawl. And we have been encouraging her to do all of these things. Since she was four months old we have been showing her how crawling is done, luring her with tempting objects like keys and cell phones. From birth her dad has been enunciating words for her like Mama and Papa. We want her to clap. To eat solid foods. So tell me, why did I feel like I was burying something when I took her pacifier away? I realized; my baby is never going to use a pacifier again in her life. A part of me hoped it would be harder. That she would miss it so much that I would be forced to return it to her. The first night after she finished her milk, in her sleep she moved her head around, mouth open, looking for the pacifier and my heart broke. I almost gave it to her. I would have except she threw it out of her stroller and I decided not to buy another one. But the next night, she had forgotten all about it. When I pack for her, I think I need the pacifier, but I don't. I keep wanting to change my mind. Even though she doesn't miss it, I do.
It seems she is just fine with growing up. Like she's all grown all ready, she's just waiting for her brain to catch up. Every time she hits a milestone, with the excitement and pride comes a little sadness. Like she's about to jump out of an airplane, or get married, and I can't hold on to her anymore. And it's only been eight months!
I understand now, really understand. A very kind man who sat next to me on the plane when my baby was crying because of an earache told me that these kinds of things happen when you have a baby and I should not worry, and that they should make me appreciate what my mother went through. It's true. But watching my baby grow and having to let her...go, makes me understand what my mother still goes through.

Mr. Bo Jangles

2008-08-28T05:14:00.000-07:00

In all of our stories that date back to the first still, fuzzy memories, there are pleasant and painful. As we grow, we realize that we are confused about the classification of some of these memories. Memories that would appear to be fond bring stirrings of unease. Sometimes a time of strife brings memories of closeness or strength. A large part of growing up is sorting these out. But there are a few memories that are clear in their purpose. Shining like a beacon out of that fog that is our memory. Perhaps it is tracing the pattern on your great grandmother's couch with your finger over and over again while the adults whispered around you. Or the feathery bouquets of leaves drooping down to kiss you from the tree outside her house.
A ringing song of memory for me comes from a rare occasion of being alone with my mother while she had nothing to do. My mother worked hard to make life fun and interesting for us and I am sure that she, too, panicked at times that we were not being stimulated enough. And the idea of her effort is one large concept in my memory. But this occasion was a time when she was being her truest self and perhaps did not even fully realize that I was near.
I was about five years old. I sat next to an orange couch on a shaggy brown carpet. The sunlight sat at the open door. My mother sat on a chair with a music book open in front of her. She held a guitar on her lap. I had heard her sing in a high falsetto many times, accompanied by my father's booming powerhouse of a voice, but this time she sang alone. It was the swishing of a broom on the linoleum. The dusting of pollen on the tiny feet of the bee.
She strummed the guitar and kept her eyes down on the book, she sang "Mr. Bo Jangles" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders". It was a long moment. A forever moment. A sunbeam.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you
Id give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
Id sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you
Id tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
Id make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
Sunshine almost always

Words by john denver, music by john denver, dick kniss and mike taylor

Magic Rocks

2008-08-27T05:31:00.000-07:00

Is it ok to lie to your kids? What I mean are the little fibs some people tell children to keep them in good behavior or to explain a concept that is too mature or just won't be understood by a child.
Natasha, a good friend from Macedonia told me a couple of funny stories yesterday. When she was six or seven,she asked her aunt, who was expecting a baby, how she got that baby in her belly. Her aunt replied that she had "eaten a lot of beans". So little Natasha, who wanted twins, went home and told her mother she wanted beans for dinner. She ate two bowls very fast and then asked for more. Her mother thought this was strange and warned her that she might get sick. She insisted and half way through the third bowl she flung her spoon to the floor and said,
"I can't take it anymore! I don't care if I don't get pregnant, I'm not eating any more beans!" Her mother, of course, was completely mystified.
When she was about three, adults were telling the children when they asked for coffee that children could not drink coffee because it made little children grow tails. Natasha had a boy cousin whom she spent most of her days with and had seen him pee a few times. She went home and asked her mother for coffee. Her mother said it would make her grow a tail. Natasha said,
"Give me coffee. I want a tail like my cousins so I can pee standing up!"
These stories are very funny but what is even more funny is that even though the adults tried to avoid telling this little girl the truth about certain subjects, the confusion they caused through their white lie explanations led to having to explain the truth to her anyway, plus having to explain the difference between boys and girls!
On the other hand, sometimes telling a small lie just gets a parent through a difficult situation without any confusing effects.
Amanda, a woman I met through an online playgroup has an ingenious way of getting her daughter to leave places where she wants to stay and play. While having lunch at a burger and shake shop, her two year old was busying herself fiddling with the controls of the arcade games. When it was time to go, Ellli began showing signs of a tantrum. Her mother bent down and said,
"Wave bye bye to the games Ellie! Say bye bye! They are really tired, they have to go to sleep." Ellie waved bye bye and recovered before she had started.
My mother went on a hike with two of her friends and took my sister along who was about ten, maybe eleven at the time. She kept complaining that she was tired, that her foot hurt, then her arm, then her knee. Now her ear. She was hungry. My mother stopped and picked up a rock. She gave it to my sister and said,
"Here honey, look what I found. This is a very special rock. If you hold if very tight in your left hand, you won't be tired anymore because it will give you the energy to finish the hike."
My sister held on to that rock and did not complain for the rest of the trip.
Then there is the story of my neighbor, Cora. Cora babysits her grandson. When they come and visit, Ben (her grandson), like any small child, wants to touch everything in my house. Cora's way of dealing with this is by telling Ben that everything is going to bite him. The TV, the glass vase on my dresser, the DVDs on the shelf. This does absolutely nothing because Ben knows these objects are not going to bite him. He looks at me and seems to laugh with his eyes, like he's saying,
"Get a load of this one!".
Who knows why Ellie believes the arcade games are going to sleep and Ben doesn't believe in the maliciousness of my clothes hamper. Who knows why my sister believed in the magic rock or why Natasha associated tails the way she did. I guess the point is that, knowing our children as only we do,should we try and guess what their reactions will be to our little fibs? Are we going to be able to fend off an embarrassing public situation or is she going to know you are full of it? Are you really appeasing your child's curiosity while avoiding a difficult topic or are you just delaying a discussion you are going to have to have anyway when you realize you have confused them?
These are real questions I have, since I have not reached the stage of having to explain things to my child. What I have observed is one thing, but what I will experience is going to be entirely different. If any of you have any thoughts on the subject, please feel free to comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

The Jungle Gym and the One Woman Band

2008-08-26T04:59:00.000-07:00

Every other day I go into a panic that my daughter is not getting enough stimulation. I want to take her to every story time scheduled for the week, go to the park, listen to music that will fire genius neurons in her brain and do baby exercise. But I also have to do a little house work, I have to bathe, we both have to eat, go to the grocery store, pay the phone bill, and make dinner. OH MY GOD WHAT ABOUT THE LAUNDRY! So I compose a second by second schedule starting at 8am which includes everything from brushing my teeth to the baby Play and Learn that is going on at 3 that afternoon. I scurry around getting everything done then I scurry around getting everything ready to go to the park and then...she falls asleep. And I, again, go into a panic that my scheduling ability is wanting and that she is not getting enough stimulation. So when she wakes up, I sit in front of her and spasmodically try to sing one hundred different songs while teaching her to crawl and say Mama all at the same time that I am thinking that we should be at the park so that she can watch the other kids play but according to the schedule I have to start dinner in fifteen minutes! (She's still too small to really play with other kids). She sits across from me and stares.
I have exhausted myself. I collapse on the bed. Then, an incredible thing happens. She starts smiling and trying to pull herself up by my bent knee. Then she crawls up on my stomach and starts bouncing up and down. She flips around and, resting her head on my belly, starts playing with my bracelet. Gets herself up and completely entertains herself with the few toys scattered on the bed. Crawls over to the windowsill, pulls herself up. Crawls back to me, crawls all over me. Bats at my face. She's having a blast and I all I have to do is relax on the bed.
After about seven minuted of this, I suddenly get a burst of energy, shoot up in the bed and scoop her up. I fly her around, singing songs with enthusiasm instead of with desperation and rolling around with her on the floor. Then we sit and I clap my hands. Make clicking noises with my tongue. Whistle. She thinks all of this is fascinating. And I feel great.
Should I take her out sometimes? Yes, of course. It is really important to do things that are special and focused on her. But some days just don't allow for it, and I think that at this age a trip to the grocery store is just as interesting to her as a trip to the park. And story time can wait till next week. I can read to her at home today, and tomorrow I won't have to go to the grocery store and we can go to story time. Sometimes dinner can wait instead of the park but I don't have to feel guilty if I can't take her every single day. Right now, she doesn't know the difference. As long as I am giving her attention, I am not a bad parent if I don't take her to every kid event in the city. Everything we do is fun for her for the time being and I should enjoy that. And I don't have to jump around like a loon to make her laugh. All I have to do is be around. And the rest will come naturally.

Baby Eczema

2008-08-22T05:08:00.000-07:00

It always comes back. It seems to hurt you more than it does your baby. It starts a month or so after birth as little bumps on her cheeks. And then a sort of yellow crust grows. You call the doctor, she says its not serious. Then, the skin seems to open up and begins to weep! Your baby can't keep her hands away from it. She rubs them on the pillow, against her sleeper and with the gloves you put over her little hands. All this causing the skin to open up even more. You call the doctor. She gives you an ointment and...it doesn't work.
Ok, ok, it does work for many people as it did for my neighbor. But for so many people is does not. And this causes anguish and desperation as the problem seems to get worse and worse. My baby suffered from this condition and so in my search for a solution I encountered many mothers who told of their own battles with it. Most of them turned to home remedies after the doctor recommended ointment failed. What I learned is, there are as many remedies as there are babies, (roughly). It seems that every child's chemistry demands something different. A remedy that worked wonders for Elizabeth will do nothing for Henry. (Fictional characters). But none of them make matters worse and are worth trying until you find the one for you. Here are a few of them.

A&D Diaper rash ointment

This is what finally worked for me and can be applied as little or as often as needed. It began to work immediately!

Rosa de Castillo

Also known as Rose Hip. This is a small rose bud that is sold dry. Boil it until the water changes color and clean the affected area with the cooled water and a cotton ball. If the eczema is all over the body, bathe your baby in the cooled water. (Not cold, just cooled from boiling). This remedy cleared up the condition for a friend of mine, but just managed to keep the area from crusting over in my case.

Note: This flower can be a little hard to find. While I waited for it to be sent to me from New Mexico, I dried some rose petals and boiled them. They worked just as well.

Watkins' Red Clover salve and Smith's Rosebud salve
Gentle Naturals Baby Eczema Cream
Eucerin Baby Aquaphor

This is also a wonderful product if you baby suffers from very dry skin. Apply it all over her body as soon as she gets out of the bath to lock in moisture.

Rosemary tea

This helps the area from becoming infected

For more information on Baby Eczema, click here.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/skin/eczema_atopic_dermatitis.html

All of the information in this article is based on personal experience. I have no medical certification and all activities should be discussed with your doctor to make sure they are safe for your specific situation.

The Other Mothers: A follow-up

2008-08-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering what things were like at our old jobs. She worked in a hotel and I worked in a restaurant. What both our experiences had in common was the shameless hierarchy in the work place. New employees were treated like idiots and most of the workload was put on them while those who had "paid their dues" got away with murder. We both recalled how we, as soon as we had been there a while, had jumped right on the bandwagon and did not treat new comers with respect. It was as if all the experiences the person had had as a human being before being hired had no value and they were just pods waiting to be filled with the doctrine of our company.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.

The Other Mothers: A rant

2008-08-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

"That baby should be inside, its too hot"
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"

If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with un-wanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving un-wanted advice from friends and family.

http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/

http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm

And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first eight months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!

Baby Slings

2008-08-19T04:56:00.000-07:00

It is not a controversial issue but there are mixed feelings on the subject. When I walk down the street with my baby in a sling, some people look at me and smile and some people (especially older women) give me dirty looks and mutter as they pass by. A lot of this has to do with safety. There are many who believe carrying a child in a sling is unsafe. And there are others that believe that there is nothing better and does wonders for your child's development.

The Baby Wearers say:

When you wear your baby, she feels ultimately secure and will cry less.
When your child is at eye level with adults, they will interact more with your child, thus helping your child develop socially.
Wearing your baby is a great way to get things done around the house when your child insists on being held but you still need two hands.
Women all over the world wear their babies.
Babies need to be held as much as possible. It helps them be more independent later if they feel secure from the start. (Contrary to the belief that you must leave your child alone so they will learn to self soothe.)

Those apposed to or unsure about baby wearing say:

It is dangerous. If you fall while carrying your baby, she will be hurt as well. Whereas if you fall while pushing a stroller, the stroller will most likely stay standing.
Your child is going to fall out.

While there are definitely more reasons why you should wear your baby, the two reasons for not wearing her are pretty alarming and are worth thinking about.

My baby wearing experiences have taught me that:

It is something that you have to practice. You have to wear your baby around the house for a while without doing anything else until you get comfortable and learn to trust yourself and the sling.
You have to find new ways to adjust the sling about every two weeks as your baby's size and weight change.
Wearing your baby while doing another activity is not like doing the activity without wearing a baby. Yes, you have two hands, however, the baby is heavy and, if she is in a hip sling, it can be a bit cumbersome when trying to, say, wash dishes. You have to compensate for that.
Wearing your baby on your back gives you much more freedom to move around like you would without your baby, but my baby gets tired of it quickly.
People interact with my baby a lot more when she is in the sling than when she is in the stroller.
When she was a newborn, she took her best naps when in the sling.
After an extended period of time in a stroller, she starts to get cranky. I've carried her around in the sling for hours and she never complains unless she is hungry.
I find she is more alert to what is going on around her when she is in the sling than when in the stroller. I don't know why, but it's true for me.
She has never fallen out of the sling. There are steadfast, secure methods for wearing your baby and once you get used to them, you will never have to worry. Here are is a link where you can learn how to wear your baby.

http://www.mamatoto.org/

When I do take her in a stroller, I take the sling with me. I can always put the things I am carrying in the stroller and carry her. I may have to carry her anyway, so a sling makes things a lot easier.
You should always secure your baby with your hand when carrying her in a hip sling. You are free to use both hands when you need to but that doesn't mean you should walk around with your arms swinging all the time. She won't fall out as long as you aren't bending all over the place, but she will bounce around a lot if you don't hold her.

The idea that if I fall, she falls, does worry me sometimes. Especially with stairs. So, if I am going to be carrying a lot of packages, I use a stroller. If I am going down or up stairs, I move slowly and hold on to the banister, ignoring all those people who are in a rush and are maybe cursing me (silently or not). Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, and that is a choice you have to make. I choose to be as careful as I can and hope for the best.
Here is a link for more information on the benefits of baby wearing.

http://www.bellybelly.com.au/articles/baby/babywearing-the-benefits

Here is another good one. SCROLL DOWN TO THE SAFETY TIPS. They are priceless.
http://www.llli.org/FAQ/babywearing.html

Sharing

2008-08-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

Between women, the sharing of information about how each of us is going about caring for our new babies is priceless. Meeting other new mother's at the park is a very encouraging experience. You get to ask what they are doing, if they are feeding solids yet, potty training, where their babies are developmentally and they ask you the same questions and everybody goes home feeling a lot more normal and confidant. Even the most timid women open up at least a little bit when the conversation is about new babies. And it helps to know that you are not the only one who is a little unsure about how she is doing. But sometimes, we leave someone out. That someone is the lone dad at the park. Maybe a lot of women shy away from him because we don't want to seem like we are hitting on him and perhaps he stays away for the same reason. While I don't deny that there are bound to be times when someone is trying to pick up a date, I have learned from experience that this is more the exception than the norm.
FOR EXAMPLE. I was sitting on a bench with my 7 month old baby girl and a father was sitting on the other end with a little girl who looked to be about the same age. He hesitated for about a minute and then asked if he could move over a bit. Of course my first thought was that he wanted to, yes, pick me up, ( how vain of me) but all he wanted to do was put the two little girls close to each other so they could play. And soon another mother came over with her baby and brought out baby cookies and everybody had a grand time. During this time, we all exchanged information about our babies and the dad looked so relieved and happy.
Another dad who looked even more nervous was someone I encountered while playing in a circle with about five kids (including mine) and a rubber ball. This man was caring for a little boy whom he had just adopted and they seemed to still be getting to know one another. As my friend and I talked about our little girls, he seemed to be hanging on every word but would not join the conversation. Finally, my friend noticed and began to talk directly to him. His eyes lit up and he just began asking question after question. On the way home my friend mentioned that it must be hard for dad's who are raising children on their own or are the parent that stays because, as it seems very natural for women to come together and discuss their children's eating habits and bowel movements, men might refrain from asking for fear that we, as mother's, will judge them and think they "don't know what they are doing". Little do they know, none of us knows what we are doing! We are learning day by day and we all need a little compare and contrast session once in a while. So come on over dad's and say hi.

Cookie Monster

2008-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Is Cookie Monster the symbol of a baby learning how and what to eat? Cookie Monster will eat anything in site. Cookies, plates, street lamps. I let my baby try and feed herself for the first time this morning. I put a plate of cereal puffs and tiny pieces of banana in front of her and then dug into my own bowl of cereal. Who knows what made me think that she would immediately begin to daintily pick up each piece of food with her little thumb and forefinger and expertly bring it to her mouth. Nope. She batted at the plate for a while, throwing the food all over the place. Then, when I had refilled it, she grabbed handfuls of food and then brought her clenched fist to her mouth but could not get anything in because all the food was in her clenched fist. After about ten minuted most of the food was on the floor and she succeeded in getting about three pieces of food in her mouth. Isn't this what usually happens with Cookie Monster? And then, after she found the plate empty, she picked it up with both hands and started gnawing at it. It was the funniest thing.

Excercise During Pregnancy

2008-08-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

Exercising during pregnancy is a wonderful way to promote a healthy labor. Although many factors contribute to labor and each woman's experience is different, only good things can come from exercising.

Start slowly, with short brisk walks around the block. Walking for fifteen minutes every day is a great way to get your blood flowing and to keep your hip and pelvic bones flexible.

Do some basic prenatal yoga exercises. Here is one that really helped me and below is a link with more information.

Start by clasping your hands behind your back. Then, keeping your legs straight, very slowly bend from the waist. Bend as far as you can and when the backs of your legs begin to feel a slight burn DON'T TENSE UP. Instead, relax your leg muscles and breath in and out slowly until the burning lessens. Then, if you feel comfortable, bend just a little bit farther, breath, and relax your leg muscles again.

After I gave birth, I realized that the sensation I felt in my legs while doing this exercise was very similar (on a lesser scale) to what I felt during the contractions of my labor. By practicing relaxing into the pain on a daily basis, I trained my body to do this and virtually responded automatically in the same way during contractions.

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/health_safety/active_birth.shtml
This link the site for a book called Active Birth by Janet Balaskas. In addition to many more wonderful yoga exercises, there is a wealth of information about the benefits of exercise before and DURING labor.

Swimming. It offers a prime work out for your body and also helps relieve some of the pressure you walk around with all day.

http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/articles.asp?id=8
This link is an article that further discusses the benefits of water exercises and details some really great moves. Check your local listings for a class in your area.

The figure 8. Stand with your legs about a foot apart and place your hands under your belly. Close your eyes and slowly rotate your hips in the form of a figure 8. First in one direction and then the other. This is also a great exercise to do during labor as it helps to gently lower the babies head.
Kegels. Try to do about 25 of these a day. They help to strengthen the pelvic floor.

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/articles/kegel-exercise-for-a-healthy-pregnancy/

All of the information in this article is based on personal experience. I have no medical certification and all activities should be discussed with your doctor to make sure they are safe for your specific situation.

Things to do with your baby

2008-08-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Here are some ideas, or just reminders, for those times when you finally have time to play with your baby and you can't think of one single thing to do.
This article is geared towards, but not limited to, babies between the ages of 4 and 12 months.

1: Babies love mirrors
Just hold a hand mirror up to her face or stand with her in front of a large mirror. Smile at her, call her name, bounce her a little;her face will light up every time.

2: Kitchen stuff
Babies like toys but I am sure you have noticed that they love non-toys even more! Find safe things in your kitchen for your baby to play with like plastic soup ladles, clean empty yogurt containers, wire whisks, and tupper ware lids. Sit with your baby and explain what each one is before you hand it over. She will love exploring these new objects.

Note: Always supervise your baby while playing with non-toys

3: Sing songs
At first, you may feel a little silly but once you get started your baby might get tired of it before you do! You don't have to sing anything fancy, ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, and Happy Birthday, over and over again will keep your baby happy and feeling loved. You can even make up songs about whatever it is you are doing at the moment. Just look at your baby, smile, and make a lot of hand motions. Songs that are good for this are The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Where is Thumbkin?
See full songs below.

4: Tour of the House
Hoist your baby up on your hip and walk her around the house. Go into different rooms and point to different objects and say their names. Give simple explanations for what they do. Turn the lights off and on and say "Off" and "On". Open cupboards and drawers and talk about what is inside. Your baby will be enthralled.

5: Baby walk
If the weather is nice, go for a short stroll around the block and let your baby touch different plants, trees, fences and mail boxes.

Many of these things seem like common sense, but time and time again I find my self at a loss for activities. Perhaps because I am trying to think of things that will be fun for me and am forgetting that babies have fun doing anything as long as they doing it with you. Feel free to add any games or ideas in the comments section. Thanks for reading!

The Itsy Bitsy Spider
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
Went up the water spout!
Down came the rain and
Washed the spider out!
Out came the sun and
Dried up all the rain and
the Itsy Bitsy Spider
Went up the spout agian!

Where is Thumbkin?
Where is Thumbkin?
Where is Thumbkin?
Here I am!
Here I am!
Thank you very much sir,
You are very welcome,
Run away!
Run away!

Twinkle, Twinkle
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are.