You must not lose faith, as there is no reason to even begin doing so! I am searching, searching, searching, and the search is going well! My explorations lead me away from my computer for days at a time, but fret not! Oh No Mama will bring you something beautiful, sensual, delicious and fulfilling very soon! Ok, I promise I will keep you updated once a week. So you know we are still alive out here in the jungle.
All my love,
Foo senior
February 23, 2009
January 21, 2009
The Only One
The kids were running around the Story Telling room at the local library, playing with chalk, grabbing each other's toys and generally raising a ruckus. There were only a few of us left, my friend who has a 16 month old, myself with my one year old tornado, and an Argentinian mom with her nanny and a brand new baby girl.With them was her little whirlwind of a boy my friend's daughter's age.
As the Argentinian lady watched the two older kids chase each other around, yelling incomprehensible euphoric orations, she looked at us and said,
"Sometimes, he is so hard to deal with, that I think he is the only one who acts this way!" My friend proceeded to reassure her that all kids act this way and I mentioned that at some point, we all feel that we gave birth to some foreign species; wild and mean and headstrong beyond our capacity to control.
This got me thinking. What were other women's experiences with these behaviors, these emotions? How did they deal with them?
I had the opportunity to speak with a woman already seasoned in the art of childrearing; Rebecca.
I asked Rebecca if she ever felt that her child was the only one who misbehaved, or acted out in an outrageous way.
"Yes!" she said, "Absolutely! I always thought, 'Am I doing something wrong?' I would always turn it back around and blame myself."
I then asked her if she ever worried that the way her child was behaving; tantrums, hitting, stealing toys, was a foreshadowing of her child's future personality.
Rebecca was sometimes afraid that her children would grow up angry, mean and not able to socialize. Or that they would be perceived this way even if it wasn't true.
"Once," she says, "when my first daughter was playing with her cousin, she was being more dominant. She was pushing a little and hitting and her cousins mother says to me, 'oh! she's a little fighter!'. I felt terrible! I didn't want people thinking that of my daughter, she was usually very layed back and friendly."
At times, she did not know what to do.
"It was really, really hard," she says, "there were times when I thought I would lose my mind."
So, where did she turn? How did she get through it?
"I relied a lot on my pediatrician. He would always talk to me about what they should be going through emotionally and would assure me that their behavior was normal. He was a big help. He let me know that they were developing right."
And, as time passed, she encountered other parents with children who were, (who would have guessed?) going through the same things our Rebecca was going through!
I asked her what she felt when she found other kids going nuts.
"RELIEF!" was her answer. "Then, you know you are not alone. All the guilt comes off and you know you are not doing everthing wrong."
Knowing that the behavior is normal is surely a relief but does that make it any easier to deal with?
Not for me. I asked Rebecca to share with us any advice she had for those of us just starting out.
This is what she said,
"You have to pull patience from within. Blowing your top won't solve anything. It will just make you and the baby much more upset. If you feel you are about to lose it, give the baby something to play with or, if someone is with you, let them take the baby for a minute and go take a breather. Don't blow up, whatever you do! Tell yourself 'You can do this, you can do this!'
I know, you probably can't wait for them to grow up a little, but it will always be the same. Even with teenagers! You have to control your temper with them too!
Every stage is part of the learning process of being a mother.
You will get through it."
And so we will.
P.S.
I know Rebecca's children very well. They are wonderful people, not mean or angry at all!
As the Argentinian lady watched the two older kids chase each other around, yelling incomprehensible euphoric orations, she looked at us and said,
"Sometimes, he is so hard to deal with, that I think he is the only one who acts this way!" My friend proceeded to reassure her that all kids act this way and I mentioned that at some point, we all feel that we gave birth to some foreign species; wild and mean and headstrong beyond our capacity to control.
This got me thinking. What were other women's experiences with these behaviors, these emotions? How did they deal with them?
I had the opportunity to speak with a woman already seasoned in the art of childrearing; Rebecca.
I asked Rebecca if she ever felt that her child was the only one who misbehaved, or acted out in an outrageous way.
"Yes!" she said, "Absolutely! I always thought, 'Am I doing something wrong?' I would always turn it back around and blame myself."
I then asked her if she ever worried that the way her child was behaving; tantrums, hitting, stealing toys, was a foreshadowing of her child's future personality.
Rebecca was sometimes afraid that her children would grow up angry, mean and not able to socialize. Or that they would be perceived this way even if it wasn't true.
"Once," she says, "when my first daughter was playing with her cousin, she was being more dominant. She was pushing a little and hitting and her cousins mother says to me, 'oh! she's a little fighter!'. I felt terrible! I didn't want people thinking that of my daughter, she was usually very layed back and friendly."
At times, she did not know what to do.
"It was really, really hard," she says, "there were times when I thought I would lose my mind."
So, where did she turn? How did she get through it?
"I relied a lot on my pediatrician. He would always talk to me about what they should be going through emotionally and would assure me that their behavior was normal. He was a big help. He let me know that they were developing right."
And, as time passed, she encountered other parents with children who were, (who would have guessed?) going through the same things our Rebecca was going through!
I asked her what she felt when she found other kids going nuts.
"RELIEF!" was her answer. "Then, you know you are not alone. All the guilt comes off and you know you are not doing everthing wrong."
Knowing that the behavior is normal is surely a relief but does that make it any easier to deal with?
Not for me. I asked Rebecca to share with us any advice she had for those of us just starting out.
This is what she said,
"You have to pull patience from within. Blowing your top won't solve anything. It will just make you and the baby much more upset. If you feel you are about to lose it, give the baby something to play with or, if someone is with you, let them take the baby for a minute and go take a breather. Don't blow up, whatever you do! Tell yourself 'You can do this, you can do this!'
I know, you probably can't wait for them to grow up a little, but it will always be the same. Even with teenagers! You have to control your temper with them too!
Every stage is part of the learning process of being a mother.
You will get through it."
And so we will.
P.S.
I know Rebecca's children very well. They are wonderful people, not mean or angry at all!
January 20, 2009
What You Don't Know May Hurt You
Sunlight.
Reports of harmful UV rays and skin cancer have us slathering on sunscreen, covering up from head to toe, or staying out of the sun all together.
But there is another affliction lurking in the shadows--literally.
Staying out of the sun or preventing its absorption by wearing sunscreen or too many clothes prevents your body from producing vitamin D, which helps bone growth and calcium absorption into our intestines, blood and kidneys. Wearing a sunscreen with an SPF higher than 8 reduces absorption by 95%!
There are other ways to get vitamin D. Fortified orange juice and milk are good ways, or taking multi vitamins, but 20 minutes of sunshine on your face and arms without any sunblock gets you about 100 times more than the required amount.
This is easy enough to remember for us, but what about our babies? We tend to cover our infants with clothing, sun shades and sunblock from the moment we step out of the house so their sensitive skin will not burn and babies under a year old do not drink milk and usually not orange juice.
And another thing; even though breast milk provides tons of amazing nutrients and antibodies for your little one, it does not contain an adequate amount of vitamin D! So, infants are at a higher risk for vitamin D deficiency.
What does this mean, exactly?
Well, vitamin D deficiency in children usually leads to Rickets.
Rickets is the softening of the bones and can result in bowlegs, knock knees, stunted growth and deformed chests.
So, how can you make sure your child is getting enough vitamin D?
As mentioned above, 15 to 20 minutes of sunshine a day is enough. Just wait a little while before you put on the sunscreen.
But what about times during the year when sunshine is weak? If you live 40 degrees north or south latitude, (places like New York City or Wellington, New Zealand), for at least half of the year, sunlight does not provide enough vitamin D.
So, if you live in these places, talk to your pediatrician. Most will have prescribed a supplement anyway, especially if your baby is exclusively breast fed.
We need about 400 international units (IU's) of vitamin D a day and there are 98 in 1 cup of fortified milk and 400 per quart so once your baby starts drinking cow's milk, they will be getting enough vitamin D.
Before that, a little sunshine every day in the spring and summer and maybe some vitamin drops in the fall and winter will make sure his or her bones are strong and healthy.
Sources:
The National Institute of Health
New England Journal of Medicine
The Vitamins and Supplements Guide
Reports of harmful UV rays and skin cancer have us slathering on sunscreen, covering up from head to toe, or staying out of the sun all together.
But there is another affliction lurking in the shadows--literally.
Staying out of the sun or preventing its absorption by wearing sunscreen or too many clothes prevents your body from producing vitamin D, which helps bone growth and calcium absorption into our intestines, blood and kidneys. Wearing a sunscreen with an SPF higher than 8 reduces absorption by 95%!
There are other ways to get vitamin D. Fortified orange juice and milk are good ways, or taking multi vitamins, but 20 minutes of sunshine on your face and arms without any sunblock gets you about 100 times more than the required amount.
This is easy enough to remember for us, but what about our babies? We tend to cover our infants with clothing, sun shades and sunblock from the moment we step out of the house so their sensitive skin will not burn and babies under a year old do not drink milk and usually not orange juice.
And another thing; even though breast milk provides tons of amazing nutrients and antibodies for your little one, it does not contain an adequate amount of vitamin D! So, infants are at a higher risk for vitamin D deficiency.
What does this mean, exactly?
Well, vitamin D deficiency in children usually leads to Rickets.
Rickets is the softening of the bones and can result in bowlegs, knock knees, stunted growth and deformed chests.
So, how can you make sure your child is getting enough vitamin D?
As mentioned above, 15 to 20 minutes of sunshine a day is enough. Just wait a little while before you put on the sunscreen.
But what about times during the year when sunshine is weak? If you live 40 degrees north or south latitude, (places like New York City or Wellington, New Zealand), for at least half of the year, sunlight does not provide enough vitamin D.
So, if you live in these places, talk to your pediatrician. Most will have prescribed a supplement anyway, especially if your baby is exclusively breast fed.
We need about 400 international units (IU's) of vitamin D a day and there are 98 in 1 cup of fortified milk and 400 per quart so once your baby starts drinking cow's milk, they will be getting enough vitamin D.
Before that, a little sunshine every day in the spring and summer and maybe some vitamin drops in the fall and winter will make sure his or her bones are strong and healthy.
Sources:
The National Institute of Health
New England Journal of Medicine
The Vitamins and Supplements Guide
January 16, 2009
Creating Better Choices
If carrots came individually wrapped in colorful cellophane packages and salad came in air filled foil bags, would we eat them more often?
I know we all love chips and candy bars but we know how unhealthy they are. I'm sure we would all love to eat food that is good for our bodies. So what's stopping us?
Take this , healthy lunch idea, for example. Who wouldn't love a hot turkey and swiss sandwich, toasty bread and sliced lettuce and tomato? It's not too hard, too time consuming. Right?
Well, what if it's one of those days when your baby does not want to be put down and you are grabbing ingredients with one hand, have to slice a tomato, wash and cut lettuce, spread mayo, flip the sandwich on the griddle, all while little hands are grabbing at the butter knife, the sharp knife, your hair! Oh!!! Forget it. I'll just have a doughnut. Because the doughnut is ready to eat, delicious, and fills you up with grease and sugar.
Perfect.
Except that 30 minutes later you are going to feel sluggish, hungry, and cranky. And you just might grab another doughnut.
Ms. Garcia says that the midday meal is just as important as breakfast because when you are running after a toddler, you need a full burst of lasting energy to get you through to dinner. You need to be present for your baby, not thinking about how hungry you are.
As she mentioned last week, a protein and a vegetable for every meal will give you all the energy you need.
So, how does baked chicken and salad sound? Great? Well, who has time to make that for lunch?
You do!
Again, says Ms.Garcia, planning ahead is your greatest asset.
When you have extra time, while you are already cooking dinner or on a quiet Sunday afternoon, place 2 or 3 chicken breasts in a preheated iron skillet. (You can find the pre-cut kind in your super market or you can cut a large one into single serving pieces). Season the chicken any way you want, then lower the heat to medium low or low and cover. While you wait twenty minutes, your chicken breasts will "bake" in their own juices.
After they have cooled, slice any way you like and place in ziplock bags and store in the fridge.
Now, for the salad.
Pre-cut and wash your lettuce, grate some carrots and separate into ziplocks. Keep some cherry tomatoes on hand and when you are ready to eat, throw it all in a bowl and you have your salad! Heat up one portion of chicken in the microwave for a few minutes and enjoy, and it can all be done with one hand!
As for dressing?
Our expert advises us that if you are following healthy eating habits, the type of dressing you use will not throw you off track. But if you want a low calorie, homemade, quick dressing, try 4 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tablespoons of white or red vinegar and a teaspoon of mustard. Stir right before you are going to eat because the oil and will separate.
Mix it up with your salad or drizzle over your chicken.
Prepare 2 or 3 days worth and you will have a filling, healthy lunch waiting for you!
There you have it, no more hand fulls of pretzels for midday meal followed a half hour later by half a bag of fritos.
Now, the next phase of our exercise program.
After you have gotten some strength back, while lying face up in bed, bend your knees, keeping your feet flat on the bed and your knees about shoulder width apart.
Lift your bum all the way up until your belly is above your torso.
While in this position, gently pulse your knees in and out.
Do 3 sets of 12.
This move is for working your thighs and your gluts (your rear end).
Although this exercise is fairly low impact, Ms. Garcia recommends starting slowly, first trying out the lifted position alone and making sure you don't feel any strain. She also recommends waiting until your 6 weeks of rest and healing after birth have passed before you start this particular exercise.
Thank you for joining us on health and fitness friday!
Have a good weekend!
I know we all love chips and candy bars but we know how unhealthy they are. I'm sure we would all love to eat food that is good for our bodies. So what's stopping us?
Take this , healthy lunch idea, for example. Who wouldn't love a hot turkey and swiss sandwich, toasty bread and sliced lettuce and tomato? It's not too hard, too time consuming. Right?
Well, what if it's one of those days when your baby does not want to be put down and you are grabbing ingredients with one hand, have to slice a tomato, wash and cut lettuce, spread mayo, flip the sandwich on the griddle, all while little hands are grabbing at the butter knife, the sharp knife, your hair! Oh!!! Forget it. I'll just have a doughnut. Because the doughnut is ready to eat, delicious, and fills you up with grease and sugar.
Perfect.
Except that 30 minutes later you are going to feel sluggish, hungry, and cranky. And you just might grab another doughnut.
Ms. Garcia says that the midday meal is just as important as breakfast because when you are running after a toddler, you need a full burst of lasting energy to get you through to dinner. You need to be present for your baby, not thinking about how hungry you are.
As she mentioned last week, a protein and a vegetable for every meal will give you all the energy you need.
So, how does baked chicken and salad sound? Great? Well, who has time to make that for lunch?
You do!
Again, says Ms.Garcia, planning ahead is your greatest asset.
When you have extra time, while you are already cooking dinner or on a quiet Sunday afternoon, place 2 or 3 chicken breasts in a preheated iron skillet. (You can find the pre-cut kind in your super market or you can cut a large one into single serving pieces). Season the chicken any way you want, then lower the heat to medium low or low and cover. While you wait twenty minutes, your chicken breasts will "bake" in their own juices.
After they have cooled, slice any way you like and place in ziplock bags and store in the fridge.
Now, for the salad.
Pre-cut and wash your lettuce, grate some carrots and separate into ziplocks. Keep some cherry tomatoes on hand and when you are ready to eat, throw it all in a bowl and you have your salad! Heat up one portion of chicken in the microwave for a few minutes and enjoy, and it can all be done with one hand!
As for dressing?
Our expert advises us that if you are following healthy eating habits, the type of dressing you use will not throw you off track. But if you want a low calorie, homemade, quick dressing, try 4 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tablespoons of white or red vinegar and a teaspoon of mustard. Stir right before you are going to eat because the oil and will separate.
Mix it up with your salad or drizzle over your chicken.
Prepare 2 or 3 days worth and you will have a filling, healthy lunch waiting for you!
There you have it, no more hand fulls of pretzels for midday meal followed a half hour later by half a bag of fritos.
Now, the next phase of our exercise program.
After you have gotten some strength back, while lying face up in bed, bend your knees, keeping your feet flat on the bed and your knees about shoulder width apart.
Lift your bum all the way up until your belly is above your torso.
While in this position, gently pulse your knees in and out.
Do 3 sets of 12.
This move is for working your thighs and your gluts (your rear end).
Although this exercise is fairly low impact, Ms. Garcia recommends starting slowly, first trying out the lifted position alone and making sure you don't feel any strain. She also recommends waiting until your 6 weeks of rest and healing after birth have passed before you start this particular exercise.
Thank you for joining us on health and fitness friday!
Have a good weekend!
January 14, 2009
To TV, or not to TV?
When my baby was still itty bitty, I did not like it that the television hypnotized her the way it did. Every time she would become entranced, whether it was by a soccer game her dad was watching, a swirling computer screen saver, or a blinking marquee above the Times Square drug store, I would start thinking,
This is it! This is the beginning of couch potatoville, laziness, hyperactivity!!!
Ask anyone, I was like a traffic cop when it came to TV. I would turn her around, sometimes even leave the room. I was afraid her tender brain would get damaged, too used to this artificial stimulation.
Then one day she started laughing at it, reacting to certain commercials where muppets salsa danced in a congo line.
I realized that if I put on a half-hour cartoon, I could do the dishes or check my email or write my blog in peace!
Ooooh, but then you say,
"Let me just do this one thing, since she's not complaining. Then this other thing. Oh, I'll just do this real quick." And before I know it, the TV has been my baby sitter for 3 hours. Not good.
But why, exactly? What is wrong with TV?
I decided to talk to a few ladies and find out what they thought.
One mother, "Elizabeth" says she used to limit the amount of TV her children watched to 1 hour of educational programming in the morning and perhaps a video in the afternoon.
"When I turned off the TV", she says, "my kids would be more creative. It was really neat to watch them think of things to do, make up games to play on their own, whereas in front of the TV, they would just lie there."
Elizabeth feels that watching television is an extremely passive activity that doesn't require much from your brain in comparison to say, a book or the radio where you are forced to visualize events and places for your self.
"As humans, we crave knowledge" she says, "and the television takes time away from this quest for knowledge."
I mentioned to Elizabeth that there are many educational shows on television and asked if she felt these programs were a positive thing.
"I believe that I learned to read from the Electric Company and the programs can be fun and beneficial to your kids but they shouldn't be their only source of stimulation and learning because they do not teach concentration or creativity."
She says TV takes away from time that could be spent out doors and that her doctor once mentioned that there has been a rise in Vitamin D deficiencies in the past years and that those in the medical profession suspect it has to do with kids spending so much time indoors watching TV and not getting enough sun.
Elizabeth says that she spends about 2 hours a day in front of the TV but that she tries to keep her mind active while watching by doing puzzles, crocheting or playing solitaire. She used to encourage activity while watching TV when her children were small as well by giving them crayons and paper or coloring books to use while watching their morning program.
I mentioned to Elizabeth that I sometimes found myself using the TV as a baby sitter and felt extremely guilty about it and tried not to do it anymore.
"This is such an easy thing to fall into", she says, "especially with 24 hour kids programming. I sometimes used to do the same thing but you really have to be strong about regulating it. It should not be done often, you should not take advantage of it." It can be helpful but if you find you know you cannot control yourself, you should avoid it all together.
I asked Elizabeth if she was happy with the choices she made when her kids were small.
"Yes" she said, "because as they got older, I noticed that they were very good at regulating themselves when it came to the TV. My youngest son actually goes for weeks at a time without watching TV. He only watches if there is something that really interests him".
Elizabeth got a lot of flack from other people when they learned of her stance on TV watching when it came to her kids but now, she says she is glad she stuck to her guns.
Corrina, a brand new mom, told me that she plans on not letting her baby watch any TV at all unless she is perhaps visiting someone who is watching or is watching with her cousins or friends. She says that she feels television provides tons of unnecessary stimulation and causes an inability to embrace other types of stimulation.
"Parents should take responsibility for stimulating their kid's minds, not television." Corrina told me that she learned from a class at her university that television programs contain something called a "jolt". A jolt is a message that gets sent to you from the TV that causes your body to release a burst of adrenaline. Jolts are caused every time a scene changes or when there is a noise like a gun shot or a wailing siren.
"Ten years ago", she says, "there were about 10 jolts per minute on an average television show. Now, the number of jolts has more than doubled."
Why is this of concern? Because our brains get addicted to these jolts and this is part of the reason why it is so difficult for us to tear our eyes away from the TV, even if we don't give a hoot about what's on.
So, TV itself is not an enemy, the enemy is our lack of self control. Both of these moms believe TV should be a treat, not a necessity and that it is up to us to help our children learn to be creative and entertain themselves. I mean, you don't ever want your kids to say,
"But I don't have anything to do!" just because you turned off the TV, do you?
Moderation, as with all things, seems to be the key.
This is it! This is the beginning of couch potatoville, laziness, hyperactivity!!!
Ask anyone, I was like a traffic cop when it came to TV. I would turn her around, sometimes even leave the room. I was afraid her tender brain would get damaged, too used to this artificial stimulation.
Then one day she started laughing at it, reacting to certain commercials where muppets salsa danced in a congo line.
I realized that if I put on a half-hour cartoon, I could do the dishes or check my email or write my blog in peace!
Ooooh, but then you say,
"Let me just do this one thing, since she's not complaining. Then this other thing. Oh, I'll just do this real quick." And before I know it, the TV has been my baby sitter for 3 hours. Not good.
But why, exactly? What is wrong with TV?
I decided to talk to a few ladies and find out what they thought.
One mother, "Elizabeth" says she used to limit the amount of TV her children watched to 1 hour of educational programming in the morning and perhaps a video in the afternoon.
"When I turned off the TV", she says, "my kids would be more creative. It was really neat to watch them think of things to do, make up games to play on their own, whereas in front of the TV, they would just lie there."
Elizabeth feels that watching television is an extremely passive activity that doesn't require much from your brain in comparison to say, a book or the radio where you are forced to visualize events and places for your self.
"As humans, we crave knowledge" she says, "and the television takes time away from this quest for knowledge."
I mentioned to Elizabeth that there are many educational shows on television and asked if she felt these programs were a positive thing.
"I believe that I learned to read from the Electric Company and the programs can be fun and beneficial to your kids but they shouldn't be their only source of stimulation and learning because they do not teach concentration or creativity."
She says TV takes away from time that could be spent out doors and that her doctor once mentioned that there has been a rise in Vitamin D deficiencies in the past years and that those in the medical profession suspect it has to do with kids spending so much time indoors watching TV and not getting enough sun.
Elizabeth says that she spends about 2 hours a day in front of the TV but that she tries to keep her mind active while watching by doing puzzles, crocheting or playing solitaire. She used to encourage activity while watching TV when her children were small as well by giving them crayons and paper or coloring books to use while watching their morning program.
I mentioned to Elizabeth that I sometimes found myself using the TV as a baby sitter and felt extremely guilty about it and tried not to do it anymore.
"This is such an easy thing to fall into", she says, "especially with 24 hour kids programming. I sometimes used to do the same thing but you really have to be strong about regulating it. It should not be done often, you should not take advantage of it." It can be helpful but if you find you know you cannot control yourself, you should avoid it all together.
I asked Elizabeth if she was happy with the choices she made when her kids were small.
"Yes" she said, "because as they got older, I noticed that they were very good at regulating themselves when it came to the TV. My youngest son actually goes for weeks at a time without watching TV. He only watches if there is something that really interests him".
Elizabeth got a lot of flack from other people when they learned of her stance on TV watching when it came to her kids but now, she says she is glad she stuck to her guns.
Corrina, a brand new mom, told me that she plans on not letting her baby watch any TV at all unless she is perhaps visiting someone who is watching or is watching with her cousins or friends. She says that she feels television provides tons of unnecessary stimulation and causes an inability to embrace other types of stimulation.
"Parents should take responsibility for stimulating their kid's minds, not television." Corrina told me that she learned from a class at her university that television programs contain something called a "jolt". A jolt is a message that gets sent to you from the TV that causes your body to release a burst of adrenaline. Jolts are caused every time a scene changes or when there is a noise like a gun shot or a wailing siren.
"Ten years ago", she says, "there were about 10 jolts per minute on an average television show. Now, the number of jolts has more than doubled."
Why is this of concern? Because our brains get addicted to these jolts and this is part of the reason why it is so difficult for us to tear our eyes away from the TV, even if we don't give a hoot about what's on.
So, TV itself is not an enemy, the enemy is our lack of self control. Both of these moms believe TV should be a treat, not a necessity and that it is up to us to help our children learn to be creative and entertain themselves. I mean, you don't ever want your kids to say,
"But I don't have anything to do!" just because you turned off the TV, do you?
Moderation, as with all things, seems to be the key.
January 13, 2009
The Weaning Monster
Of all the milestones we will witness in the first years of baby's life, weaning may be the most dreaded (along with potty training). This may be because we associate weaning with some level of trauma, a lot of crying, and engorged breasts.
According to Anne Smith, Board Certified Lactation Consultant and La Leche League leader, this does not necessarily have to be the case.
Anne notes that weaning should be viewed as a DEVELOPMENTAL stage just like rolling over, walking, or taking solid foods and that all babies develop at different rates. It's not an event that must be decided by you. Some babies may be ready to wean after a few months while others may take a year or even more.
There are some instances when abrupt weaning is inevitable due to an illness in the mother, medications that come through the milk or because the mother becomes pregnant while still nursing. But, unless absolutely necessary, weaning should always be a gradual process.
Ms. Smith tells us that abrupt weaning is not only traumatic to the child, who has no way of understanding why he or she suddenly can't nurse, it is also dangerous to you. Your breasts becoming dramatically engorged due to sudden lack of nursing can cause infection or abscess. Also, the drastic drop in hormone levels can cause severe depression.
When you feel you and your baby are both ready to start the weaning process, remember it doesn't have to happen all at once.
Start by eliminating one feeding a day. Try a feeding that is used as nutrition and not comfort. For example, an afternoon "snack" feeding that does not lead to a nap instead of a night time feeding.
When you do eliminate the feeding, don't feel you have to avoid cuddling and skin contact as not to confuse your child (some people think holding your child close will make him or her think it's time to nurse). It is important during weaning that you find new ways to nurture and bond with your baby. Instead of nursing, read a book, sing a song and share a snack. Instead of breast milk, offer something you know she likes, maybe fruit or juice. By this time, your baby should be eating a lot more food as well so she might not "ask" or signal that she wants to breast feed as often as in the beginning.
Now, you may ask, "Why not just switch to cow's milk and leave it at that?"
After breast milk, which is slightly sweet, many babies do not like the taste of cow's milk. While you should still start introducing cow's milk slowly to babies over a year old, it is not always a good immediate substitute for breast milk.
When you are both used to your new routine and your milk supply had adjusted, eliminate another feeding.
Keep on in this way until only the night time feeding is left.
This is usually the last feeding to go and the hardest to give up.
Make sure your baby is full. A good dinner and a sippy cup before he is sleepy is a good way to ensure this. Then, rock your baby to sleep and avoid the nursing position, whether it is in a chair or lying down. Try walking around and singing him to sleep. There is no reason to leave your baby alone and crying to take him off of the breast. You must still nurture and comfort him, even if he cries. Especially if he cries.
Now, what do you put in the sippy cup if baby doesn't like milk, like my little darling? Well, you can pump your own milk if you'd like. The point is getting your child off of your breast and used to a cup.
You do not necessarily have to wean your baby on cow's milk. Find something that she likes. One mother I spoke to weaned all three of her children on pineapples and cottage cheese. I have found yogurt a good substitute in my case.
Another thing to think about is planning ahead. After a few months of straight breast feeding, when you are positive your child is latching on correctly, try introducing a bottle of breast milk a few times a week. This way, when you are ready to wean, a bottle or cup will be nothing new. In my experience, I did not do this and she refused the bottle from the get go of weaning, so it has been a bit more of a challenge for me. She actually threw all bottles to the floor.
Weaning is not always easy and there are a thousand different ways that it could go. Proceed slowly. Have patience and understanding. This is not a battle of wills, it the end of a beautiful part of your relationship with your baby and should be sent off gently and with love.
Sources:
Breast Feeding Basics: Anne Smith, IBCLC
Baby Center Medical Advisory Board
According to Anne Smith, Board Certified Lactation Consultant and La Leche League leader, this does not necessarily have to be the case.
Anne notes that weaning should be viewed as a DEVELOPMENTAL stage just like rolling over, walking, or taking solid foods and that all babies develop at different rates. It's not an event that must be decided by you. Some babies may be ready to wean after a few months while others may take a year or even more.
There are some instances when abrupt weaning is inevitable due to an illness in the mother, medications that come through the milk or because the mother becomes pregnant while still nursing. But, unless absolutely necessary, weaning should always be a gradual process.
Ms. Smith tells us that abrupt weaning is not only traumatic to the child, who has no way of understanding why he or she suddenly can't nurse, it is also dangerous to you. Your breasts becoming dramatically engorged due to sudden lack of nursing can cause infection or abscess. Also, the drastic drop in hormone levels can cause severe depression.
When you feel you and your baby are both ready to start the weaning process, remember it doesn't have to happen all at once.
Start by eliminating one feeding a day. Try a feeding that is used as nutrition and not comfort. For example, an afternoon "snack" feeding that does not lead to a nap instead of a night time feeding.
When you do eliminate the feeding, don't feel you have to avoid cuddling and skin contact as not to confuse your child (some people think holding your child close will make him or her think it's time to nurse). It is important during weaning that you find new ways to nurture and bond with your baby. Instead of nursing, read a book, sing a song and share a snack. Instead of breast milk, offer something you know she likes, maybe fruit or juice. By this time, your baby should be eating a lot more food as well so she might not "ask" or signal that she wants to breast feed as often as in the beginning.
Now, you may ask, "Why not just switch to cow's milk and leave it at that?"
After breast milk, which is slightly sweet, many babies do not like the taste of cow's milk. While you should still start introducing cow's milk slowly to babies over a year old, it is not always a good immediate substitute for breast milk.
When you are both used to your new routine and your milk supply had adjusted, eliminate another feeding.
Keep on in this way until only the night time feeding is left.
This is usually the last feeding to go and the hardest to give up.
Make sure your baby is full. A good dinner and a sippy cup before he is sleepy is a good way to ensure this. Then, rock your baby to sleep and avoid the nursing position, whether it is in a chair or lying down. Try walking around and singing him to sleep. There is no reason to leave your baby alone and crying to take him off of the breast. You must still nurture and comfort him, even if he cries. Especially if he cries.
Now, what do you put in the sippy cup if baby doesn't like milk, like my little darling? Well, you can pump your own milk if you'd like. The point is getting your child off of your breast and used to a cup.
You do not necessarily have to wean your baby on cow's milk. Find something that she likes. One mother I spoke to weaned all three of her children on pineapples and cottage cheese. I have found yogurt a good substitute in my case.
Another thing to think about is planning ahead. After a few months of straight breast feeding, when you are positive your child is latching on correctly, try introducing a bottle of breast milk a few times a week. This way, when you are ready to wean, a bottle or cup will be nothing new. In my experience, I did not do this and she refused the bottle from the get go of weaning, so it has been a bit more of a challenge for me. She actually threw all bottles to the floor.
Weaning is not always easy and there are a thousand different ways that it could go. Proceed slowly. Have patience and understanding. This is not a battle of wills, it the end of a beautiful part of your relationship with your baby and should be sent off gently and with love.
Sources:
Breast Feeding Basics: Anne Smith, IBCLC
Baby Center Medical Advisory Board
January 9, 2009
A good start
During the first six weeks after you give birth to your child, your focus should be on healing and getting your strength and energy back.
According to our expert, keeping a balanced diet is essential.
Eat a lot of vegetables. Tomatoes, peaches, carrots and celery leaves are wonderful healing foods because they are rich in Vitamin A which is great for healing wounds.
Celery stalks are full of vitamin B1, 2, 6, C, potassium, folic acid, calcium, magnesium, iron, and amino acids and is one of the most hydrating veggies as well as is able to equalize your bodies PH which is great for peak health, AND, aids in digestion which can be thrown off track a little especially if you are recovering from a C-section.
Our expert recommends making sure to have a protein and a vegetable with every meal. Protein is important for replenishing amino acids.
She also advises against a lot of salt and sugar. Sugar has no nutritional value and will only cause short bursts of energy which will only end in a crash later on.
A lot of salt causes water retention which can cause you to feel sluggish and heavy.
Now, as you are getting used to rhythm of life with your new, ever needful baby sometimes your own nutrition gets thrown by the wayside, even if you know how important healthy eating is. This is because you simply don't have time and only grab a snack or a meal when you are desperate for it and end up grabbing a granola bar or a cookie.
Ms. Garcia has some tips for quick snacks and meals that will keep you full and your energy up while not packing on pounds.
She stresses that preparing before hand is important and will eliminate the excuse for eating junk food.
P.S. Investing in a good water bottle is worth it. It actually saves you money in the long run and stops your from buying sugary drinks on the road.
Another great, quick power breakfast recommended by our personal trainer is one I have been trying out for the past week.
1 cup of plain yogurt
1/2 cup of raw oats
1/2 cup of frozen blueberries
Now, some of us like things a little sweeter than others. I am one of those people so I added a nice helping of pure honey to the mix and it was mmm, mmm, good.
This breakfast is a good source of calcium, protein (11 grams per serving!!!), antioxidants, vitamin C and is a huge energy booster.
So now, you have no choice. You have to eat healthy!
Now, onto the exercises portion of our blog.
Ms. Garcia stresses that in the first six weeks after birth, you should avoid any heavy lifting or strain on the abs as the abs and lower back are very fragile. However there are a couple of very low impact exercises that can be done while lying in bed.
The largest muscle group in our bodies is the group of hamstrings (the back of the thigh), quads (the whole thigh), and your gluts (your bum). By working this group of muscles, you burn the most calories and gain the most strength which is what we are lacking after labor.
Exercises #1
Lie down on your back with your hands at your sides. Lift one foot off of the bed about 12 inches. From that lifted position, lift about four inches higher than back down to original lifted position. Do 6 lifts then repeat with the other leg. Do 3 sets of 6 with each leg.
This exercises works your quads and your lower abs without straining.
Exercises #2
Lie on your belly with your arms at your sides. Lift your leg a few inches lower than you did when you were on your back. Then do some leg lifts from that position like you did before, only don't lift your leg quite as high. Again, do 3 sets of 6 with each leg.
Here, you are working your lower back, hamstrings and gluts.
Remember, take it easy. Allow your body the time it needs to heal. Eat healthy, keep your immune system up because you are more prone to infections during this time, and please, please get some rest.
I know you are restless and maybe a little bored but you will only delay your recovery time if you are not gentle with yourself and will have to be in bed even longer or may even have to return to the hospital if you strain yourself too much.
Good Health!
According to our expert, keeping a balanced diet is essential.
Eat a lot of vegetables. Tomatoes, peaches, carrots and celery leaves are wonderful healing foods because they are rich in Vitamin A which is great for healing wounds.
Celery stalks are full of vitamin B1, 2, 6, C, potassium, folic acid, calcium, magnesium, iron, and amino acids and is one of the most hydrating veggies as well as is able to equalize your bodies PH which is great for peak health, AND, aids in digestion which can be thrown off track a little especially if you are recovering from a C-section.
Our expert recommends making sure to have a protein and a vegetable with every meal. Protein is important for replenishing amino acids.
She also advises against a lot of salt and sugar. Sugar has no nutritional value and will only cause short bursts of energy which will only end in a crash later on.
A lot of salt causes water retention which can cause you to feel sluggish and heavy.
Now, as you are getting used to rhythm of life with your new, ever needful baby sometimes your own nutrition gets thrown by the wayside, even if you know how important healthy eating is. This is because you simply don't have time and only grab a snack or a meal when you are desperate for it and end up grabbing a granola bar or a cookie.
Ms. Garcia has some tips for quick snacks and meals that will keep you full and your energy up while not packing on pounds.
She stresses that preparing before hand is important and will eliminate the excuse for eating junk food.
- Boiled eggs.
- Oatmeal.
- Blender drinks with Protein Powder
- Ziplock, ziplock, ziplock.
P.S. Investing in a good water bottle is worth it. It actually saves you money in the long run and stops your from buying sugary drinks on the road.
Another great, quick power breakfast recommended by our personal trainer is one I have been trying out for the past week.
1 cup of plain yogurt
1/2 cup of raw oats
1/2 cup of frozen blueberries
Now, some of us like things a little sweeter than others. I am one of those people so I added a nice helping of pure honey to the mix and it was mmm, mmm, good.
This breakfast is a good source of calcium, protein (11 grams per serving!!!), antioxidants, vitamin C and is a huge energy booster.
So now, you have no choice. You have to eat healthy!
Now, onto the exercises portion of our blog.
Ms. Garcia stresses that in the first six weeks after birth, you should avoid any heavy lifting or strain on the abs as the abs and lower back are very fragile. However there are a couple of very low impact exercises that can be done while lying in bed.
The largest muscle group in our bodies is the group of hamstrings (the back of the thigh), quads (the whole thigh), and your gluts (your bum). By working this group of muscles, you burn the most calories and gain the most strength which is what we are lacking after labor.
Exercises #1
Lie down on your back with your hands at your sides. Lift one foot off of the bed about 12 inches. From that lifted position, lift about four inches higher than back down to original lifted position. Do 6 lifts then repeat with the other leg. Do 3 sets of 6 with each leg.
This exercises works your quads and your lower abs without straining.
Exercises #2
Lie on your belly with your arms at your sides. Lift your leg a few inches lower than you did when you were on your back. Then do some leg lifts from that position like you did before, only don't lift your leg quite as high. Again, do 3 sets of 6 with each leg.
Here, you are working your lower back, hamstrings and gluts.
Remember, take it easy. Allow your body the time it needs to heal. Eat healthy, keep your immune system up because you are more prone to infections during this time, and please, please get some rest.
I know you are restless and maybe a little bored but you will only delay your recovery time if you are not gentle with yourself and will have to be in bed even longer or may even have to return to the hospital if you strain yourself too much.
Good Health!
January 8, 2009
Rapunzle
Would you place your child in front of a herd of stampeding elephants? Well, what about a herd of stampeding kids? Jumping off slides, fighting for toys, pushing each other, calling each other names. Adults sitting on the surrounding benches staring off into space.
I was at the kiddie area in the mall, next to the food court.
Maybe it was the aspect of too many kids stuck inside their apartments for two months now released onto a tiny area of playthings. I was never assailed with this kind of chaos in the park during the summer. There, it seemed all the kids wanted to play with each other and parents strolled around the blacktopped play ground, laughing.
Here, everyone was either severely hyperactive or just plain mean.
As one little girl shoved my slow moving toddler out of the tunnel then sprawled out, pretending to sleep, an unruffled Ms. Foo, ever friendly, began speaking to her in gibberish. The child opened her eyes wide, stared at Ms. Foo and yelled
"Shut. UP!!!" And a herd of elephants knocked Ms. Foo to the ground. She crawled over to one of the puzzles attached to the wall.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!" I wanted to yell at every passing blur of sneakers and loose teeth. Of course she was oblivious. But it made me think of the future as an older boy shouldered his way in to the wall puzzle and left Ms. Foo knocked on the floor again.
The future. Or was it the past? Shoving, getting knocked down, ganged up on, made fun of. I remember how awful it was. In some ways, worse than anything I've gone through in my adult life. Who wants that for their kid?
But, short of keeping her locked in a tower, I don't see any way to avoid it. I know a lot of it has to do with her size, her wobbliness, that as she becomes more steady she won't get knocked down as much. She'll learn to hold her own.
I said to a family member,
"I know she has to learn to defend herself, but..."
and she said,
"Why? Why does it have to be like that?" Well, why? Now, so adventurous, fearless, will that be quelled by bullies and name callers? Do I just have to set her to the wind and watch as she battles an unfriendly world?
Then I remember the summer. Kids running free and parents glorying in the warm weather. But, summer doesn't last forever. School starts, kids get to play for two fifteen minute breaks a day. Winter. Indoor playgrounds. Hibernating parents. My daughter growing, she gets so big, it's not necessary for me to follow her around anymore. But I want to. I want to follow her around for ever.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!"
Do I want that to turn into,
"Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" Do I give her my fear? No, of course not. I look at her, so sweet, her smile so wide and trusting that all is good and fun and especially for her to love and enjoy. A level of pure happiness we strive towards for the rest of out lives. Something we had before and then lost.
Then lose again and again and again.
She will have to learn by example. I have to overcome my own fears. I, myself, must be upright and solid. Something I've always struggled with. But there is nothing like having a child to make you change your ways.
One visit to an indoor playground in the middle of cabin fever season is all you need.
I was at the kiddie area in the mall, next to the food court.
Maybe it was the aspect of too many kids stuck inside their apartments for two months now released onto a tiny area of playthings. I was never assailed with this kind of chaos in the park during the summer. There, it seemed all the kids wanted to play with each other and parents strolled around the blacktopped play ground, laughing.
Here, everyone was either severely hyperactive or just plain mean.
As one little girl shoved my slow moving toddler out of the tunnel then sprawled out, pretending to sleep, an unruffled Ms. Foo, ever friendly, began speaking to her in gibberish. The child opened her eyes wide, stared at Ms. Foo and yelled
"Shut. UP!!!" And a herd of elephants knocked Ms. Foo to the ground. She crawled over to one of the puzzles attached to the wall.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!" I wanted to yell at every passing blur of sneakers and loose teeth. Of course she was oblivious. But it made me think of the future as an older boy shouldered his way in to the wall puzzle and left Ms. Foo knocked on the floor again.
The future. Or was it the past? Shoving, getting knocked down, ganged up on, made fun of. I remember how awful it was. In some ways, worse than anything I've gone through in my adult life. Who wants that for their kid?
But, short of keeping her locked in a tower, I don't see any way to avoid it. I know a lot of it has to do with her size, her wobbliness, that as she becomes more steady she won't get knocked down as much. She'll learn to hold her own.
I said to a family member,
"I know she has to learn to defend herself, but..."
and she said,
"Why? Why does it have to be like that?" Well, why? Now, so adventurous, fearless, will that be quelled by bullies and name callers? Do I just have to set her to the wind and watch as she battles an unfriendly world?
Then I remember the summer. Kids running free and parents glorying in the warm weather. But, summer doesn't last forever. School starts, kids get to play for two fifteen minute breaks a day. Winter. Indoor playgrounds. Hibernating parents. My daughter growing, she gets so big, it's not necessary for me to follow her around anymore. But I want to. I want to follow her around for ever.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!"
Do I want that to turn into,
"Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" Do I give her my fear? No, of course not. I look at her, so sweet, her smile so wide and trusting that all is good and fun and especially for her to love and enjoy. A level of pure happiness we strive towards for the rest of out lives. Something we had before and then lost.
Then lose again and again and again.
She will have to learn by example. I have to overcome my own fears. I, myself, must be upright and solid. Something I've always struggled with. But there is nothing like having a child to make you change your ways.
One visit to an indoor playground in the middle of cabin fever season is all you need.
January 6, 2009
What are you afraid of?
When you found out you were going to have a baby, what was your biggest fear? My biggest fear was that...my baby was going to be bored.
In other words, that I wasn't going to be able to provide adequate stimulation. That I would not be a good mom.
After she was born, I was so afraid, I could not even sleep. Afraid she was too cold or too hot, that she wasn't getting enough to eat, that she would stop breathing.
And then I went out in public with her and the fears multiplied on top of each other like dividing cells.
I was of the idea that I had to have to whole mothering thing down pat, smooth and cool like I had been doing it for years. I was afraid of every one's eyes, of what people would say or not say. If one little thing went wrong, if I dropped her blanket or couldn't find her pacifier quickly, I would panic, sure everyone was thinking how unfit I was.
Now, one year later, although I have gotten better at hiding it, my stomach still churns when she screams randomly in public or I can't fold my stroller in one fell swoop.
I asked my self, am I the only one this happens too? I decided to talk to a few other mothers, to see what their experiences have been.
I talked to a woman who's children are already grown, and another who has one child not even two years old yet.
It seems they both went through this fear of judgment and criticism in the beginning. "Nora", the woman with the grown children, commented that along with strangers, family members and friends put a lot of pressure on her to do things a certain way and she always felt she had to live up to their standards, even when they were not around. On top of that, she had conflicting advice coming to her from every corner. She felt she had to act like a stricter parent around some people and a more lenient mom around others.
She always felt the eyes, in the grocery store, in church. She worried if her kids misbehaved that others would think she was a bad mother while, if her child was being especially sweet she would swell with pride thinking everyone around must be praising her. But as time went on, she stopped caring. She became more confident and her focuse internalized, shutting out the messages all those strangers were sending, silently or not.
This was also the case with "Ally", the newer mom. She says,
"I don't care what they think! It's like if I go out in a short skirt. I know what they feel, what they are thinking, but I don't consider it. It doesn't change how I feel, what I want to do".
And as she stopped worrying so much about other people's opinions, she actually started learning a thing or too from mother's at the grocery store.
I asked Ally and Nora if their parenting tactics changed when they were out, depending on who was around. I ask because I always feel I am quicker to reprimand in public, to immediately squelch any possibility of undesirable behavior. Trying to stay below the radar. They both said "Absolutely not!" Sure, sometimes they were uncomfortable, but when it came right down to it, their child was always more important than some nosy strangers. Nora mentioned that she was actually calmer in public, aware that "losing it" with her child would only escalate the situation.
Finally, I wondered if they were still guilty of judging other parents who were having a hard time with their kids.
Nora says,
"In the beginning, if I saw school age kids acting bratty and their parent yelling at them or being inattentive I would say to myself 'My kid will never act like that' but as I started experiencing the same things with my children I started realizing that we all go through the same exact things. Now, when I see parents struggling, I try to send a blessing their way and know that they are doing the best they can." She believes that all parents have some level of insecurity and that judging other parents gives us a false sense of security about what we are doing.
Ally, who works late nights in a restaurant, admits that she scoffs at mothers who take their children out to eat late in the evening when they should be in bed but that most of the time she watches other parents and evaluates herself according to them. If she sees "bad" parenting, she feels like it affirms her own skills while if she sees a child behaving well or doing something stupendous, she asks her self, "what am I doing wrong?"
So I guess I am not alone. It seems like, once I get a little more time under my belt I'll build up a tougher skin. Right now I suppose I just feel like a novice (which I am) but that I have to prove myself at the same time. I leave myself open to suggestions but then take them as insults, jabs at my mothering. But, again, it seems the only remedy is time. Time to find out that I am not, after all, inept.
What do you think of this? Did you have similar experiences or do you have something different to share? Why do you think we judge and are so sensitive to the judgment of others? If you don't have kids, do you still encounter these feelings in your daily life when it comes to you, your way of being? Please comment or email your responses!
You can email me by visiting my full profile. I would love to hear your stories.
In other words, that I wasn't going to be able to provide adequate stimulation. That I would not be a good mom.
After she was born, I was so afraid, I could not even sleep. Afraid she was too cold or too hot, that she wasn't getting enough to eat, that she would stop breathing.
And then I went out in public with her and the fears multiplied on top of each other like dividing cells.
I was of the idea that I had to have to whole mothering thing down pat, smooth and cool like I had been doing it for years. I was afraid of every one's eyes, of what people would say or not say. If one little thing went wrong, if I dropped her blanket or couldn't find her pacifier quickly, I would panic, sure everyone was thinking how unfit I was.
Now, one year later, although I have gotten better at hiding it, my stomach still churns when she screams randomly in public or I can't fold my stroller in one fell swoop.
I asked my self, am I the only one this happens too? I decided to talk to a few other mothers, to see what their experiences have been.
I talked to a woman who's children are already grown, and another who has one child not even two years old yet.
It seems they both went through this fear of judgment and criticism in the beginning. "Nora", the woman with the grown children, commented that along with strangers, family members and friends put a lot of pressure on her to do things a certain way and she always felt she had to live up to their standards, even when they were not around. On top of that, she had conflicting advice coming to her from every corner. She felt she had to act like a stricter parent around some people and a more lenient mom around others.
She always felt the eyes, in the grocery store, in church. She worried if her kids misbehaved that others would think she was a bad mother while, if her child was being especially sweet she would swell with pride thinking everyone around must be praising her. But as time went on, she stopped caring. She became more confident and her focuse internalized, shutting out the messages all those strangers were sending, silently or not.
This was also the case with "Ally", the newer mom. She says,
"I don't care what they think! It's like if I go out in a short skirt. I know what they feel, what they are thinking, but I don't consider it. It doesn't change how I feel, what I want to do".
And as she stopped worrying so much about other people's opinions, she actually started learning a thing or too from mother's at the grocery store.
I asked Ally and Nora if their parenting tactics changed when they were out, depending on who was around. I ask because I always feel I am quicker to reprimand in public, to immediately squelch any possibility of undesirable behavior. Trying to stay below the radar. They both said "Absolutely not!" Sure, sometimes they were uncomfortable, but when it came right down to it, their child was always more important than some nosy strangers. Nora mentioned that she was actually calmer in public, aware that "losing it" with her child would only escalate the situation.
Finally, I wondered if they were still guilty of judging other parents who were having a hard time with their kids.
Nora says,
"In the beginning, if I saw school age kids acting bratty and their parent yelling at them or being inattentive I would say to myself 'My kid will never act like that' but as I started experiencing the same things with my children I started realizing that we all go through the same exact things. Now, when I see parents struggling, I try to send a blessing their way and know that they are doing the best they can." She believes that all parents have some level of insecurity and that judging other parents gives us a false sense of security about what we are doing.
Ally, who works late nights in a restaurant, admits that she scoffs at mothers who take their children out to eat late in the evening when they should be in bed but that most of the time she watches other parents and evaluates herself according to them. If she sees "bad" parenting, she feels like it affirms her own skills while if she sees a child behaving well or doing something stupendous, she asks her self, "what am I doing wrong?"
So I guess I am not alone. It seems like, once I get a little more time under my belt I'll build up a tougher skin. Right now I suppose I just feel like a novice (which I am) but that I have to prove myself at the same time. I leave myself open to suggestions but then take them as insults, jabs at my mothering. But, again, it seems the only remedy is time. Time to find out that I am not, after all, inept.
What do you think of this? Did you have similar experiences or do you have something different to share? Why do you think we judge and are so sensitive to the judgment of others? If you don't have kids, do you still encounter these feelings in your daily life when it comes to you, your way of being? Please comment or email your responses!
You can email me by visiting my full profile. I would love to hear your stories.
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