Cabbage

Just something quick to help you through a tough time in the first months.
A very common ailment for breastfeeding mom's especially in the beginning, is a CLOGGED MILK DUCT.
This can be very painful. You will feel burning when your baby latches on and will see one or many small lumps on the breast. Your breast will also become engorged and feel as hard as a rock.

If it becomes drastically larger than the other breast or is extremely painful and red you should see your doctor immediately.

If it is slightly swollen and painful and your baby is still getting milk from it, there is a home remedy that can help you.

First off, let your baby drink only from the clogged breast for a whole day.
Also, massage the clogged area and try to work the clog down and out of the breast.
Next, take a cabbage leaf and place it on the clogged breast and place a washcloth that has been soaked in warm water over the cabbage leaf. Leave it on for about 30 minutes if you can.
Repeat the treatment as often as you would like.
The cabbage and the heat help to pull the clogged milk out.
If after 2 or 3 days, your breast is still clogged, see your doctor.

Winter Oasis for $$$

Yesterday, I visited an indoor play space in New York City called Appleseeds. They have tons of classes in movement, art, and music and a beautiful padded play gym. They have three private bathrooms, a private nursing room and a whole separate, fully stocked changing station complete with diaper genies.
Awesome, right?
Wrong.
Just like Organic food and self-sustained living, it seems that indoor play gyms in New York City are only meant for people of a certain class. What I mean by this is, wouldn't we all love to eat food without growth hormones, not add to the destruction of the environment and have a place for our kids to play when it too cold to go to the park? The answer is yes, but most people cannot afford it.
I visited the play space on a night when they offered a free event for families with live music and food. While I had a great time and appreciated the freebies I still had to wonder why the cost of a membership with access to the play yard was over $300 a semester.
I understand charging a bit, especially with all the great amenities, but it seemed a little over the top. Then I realized. Only wealthy people must deserve to have an indoor play yard and the owners want to make that clear.
Appleseeds is not the only culprit. There is also Gymboree, Kidville, and the Playgarden. They all offer one free trial class but afterwards charge no less than $200 per semester per child with a small discount for additional children. This does not include the price of individual classes which are over $100 a semester per class.

In this city, space is limited. And the less money you have, the less space you have. So we go out searching for more space. But it turns out the play yards are just an extension of already large Park Ave. apartments. The rest of us have to wait for the summer.

What will I do?

Right now, when I say no, and she turns to look at me with that mischievous gleam in her eye then turns back to tipping over the trash can, I can just bolt over to her and pick her up. As Bill Cosby once said
"You have a two-year-old ,
you say 'Come here!'
the child says 'No!'
you go and get the child,
that's yes".
And she bicycles her legs in the air, sometimes screeching, sometimes laughing. Then it's on to the next thing. I give her a book, a toy, we sing a song, whatever.
But I have this dread. I realize I have no idea how to discipline my child. There are a million books out there and they all have different ideas. Some say to use "Time Outs", others encourage "Time Ins". There are so many different titles,
"Don't be afraid to discipline your child"
"How to raise a spirited child"
"What to do with a troublesome child"
"Breaking bad behavior".
What do they know? Kids act crazy no matter what, if you ask me. And I am very guilty of shaking my heads at other people's children through out the years, vowing that my child (when I had one) would not behave this way. And now that I have one I want to hang my head in shame for all that ignorant judgment I tried to pass. My kid screams when you take stuff away from her too. She hits other children. She refuses eighty percent of the food I try to give her. She throws a tantrum when I put her in her stroller. She tries to grab everything that is in her reach at the grocery store.
I just try to stay calm. Gentle, firm. I feel like the most important thing is to keep my temper. But what about later? When she's bigger, when she understands more? When I actually have to make her see the consequences of what she does? Will I be strong enough? Will I be able to stand in front of her and demand attention and obedience? Is that even what I should expect?
Will I just be afraid of making her hate me so will submit to her every whim?
When she does something that is defiant or unexpected, I feel my throat shake, my chest constrict. I miss a beat sometimes and have to struggle to find my footing. I worry that I will give up and let her run wild.
But then I understand that I won't. I won't because I love her. And I can see clearly the benefits of being firm with her. She's smart, healthy, strong, curious, adventurous. But she is also new. Every time something is questionable to her, be it a person she has never seen before or a loud sound outside, she looks at me. She is asking me with her eyes, "Is this allright?"
So, I have to tell her
This is ok, this is not. That's my job. And you know what? I'm totally up for it!

Yes, I'll be fine. I just think about it a lot. As I think (with a substantially larger amount of terror) about her teenage years. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I will have to, god willing, raise a teenager.
Whoa boy...

Fa la la la Blue Ray

Did you know that a blue-ray disc player will bring your family together?
Did you also know that Guitar Hero will fix all of your families problems?


Yesterday, I saw three ads in a row for a blue-ray disc player and all of them with the same theme.
"Our family did not used to get along but now with the Blue Ray Home Theater System we are always together!"
"This family used to have nothing in common but with the Blue Ray Blah Blah Blah, they are now united!"

And the families really do look happy. Not "Leave it to Beaver" happy but chaotic, jumping on couches, dad spinning the little girl around, popcorn, pajama wearing happiness. And all because the Blue Ray has some mysterious and wonderful ingredient that the DVD player did not. With out the Blue Ray everyone would have stayed in their own little pods of individual mp3 players, PSP's and Text Pads. Let's unglue our eyes from our private little flashing adrenaline boosters and hinge ourselves to one big one. Let's be zombies as a family!

People have, for many years, gathered around a TV set. My grandparent's used to watch The Golden Girls with my youngest aunt on Saturday nights and it is a very fond memory for her. Saturday morning cartoons were some of the best times of my young life, hanging out with my brothers and sisters (and fighting with my brothers and sisters) before my parent's got up.
But that was back when there were, like, seven channels and only the hippest people had a VHS player. Now, it's different. What about when no one wants to watch the same movie? What about when the 24 hour cartoon network gets in the way of the Big Game? Ok, everyone gets their own Blue Ray and the family is separated again. I'm making my self sick with the amount of times I am saying Blue Ray.

Now for the famous line:
DON'T GET ME WRONG!
I have been abundantly grateful for technology especially since my daughter was born, and then again when my niece was born since we all live so far away from each other. I am so happy that I am able to instantly send pictures and videos of Ms. Foo to my family, that I am able to talk to my sister and see her new baby via video chat.
But a video game making everything all right?
More like covering things up.
Ingrid, (let's call her Ingrid) is my neighbor. Her husband's children from another marriage (who are teenagers now) do not have the best relationship with either of them. They used to stay away, always making excuses to not visit.
Then he bought a Wii. Guitar Hero to be exact. Now they are over all the time. Yay. The family is together.
But try taking them to the park. Try taking them to dinner. Try talking to them. It is very clear, they are only there for the video game. When the TV was broken, they did not come.

A lot of these commercials focus on the teenagers who don't want to hang out with their parents. If you buy this cool new electronic thing, they will come running. And this strikes chords all over the country because teenagers are adamant about one thing: they don't want to hang out with their parents.
So let's buy them back. This can get very expensive. Because soon they will get tired of the video game and want a new one. Or a new phone. Or Internet on their phone. And since you bought the first thing, if you don't buy the next thing its bye bye teenager and the only way to get them back is to give in.
And the electronics companies know this.
And the reason I know this? How do you think I have been able to notice the ridiculous amount of commercials about the same thing?
God help me, I am not immune!!!

Laughing Babies

Hello, everybody. Thank you for checking in today. Unfortunately I seem to have no time today. At least not to write about what I wanted to write about. So, I'm pushing the blogs back this week. Wednesday thru Saturday.
But for your viewing pleasure, one of Ms. Foo's favorite videos...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dj298NRTO8

Spoof

At the risk of offending women who have had breast implants, I post a link to a spoof made on the Motrin commercial I was complaining about last week.
It's pretty funny stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpqpAGLS2t4&eurl=http://comment.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewComments&friendID=145181639&feature=player_embedded

Rememberances

In honor of the new mom's I met the other day, I am posting this blog again about the aggravation sometimes caused by the all too bold interference of complete strangers about the way we are handling ourselves and our new babies.
Hearing you all talk the other day reminded me of how hard it was. Here's to you.


"That baby should be inside, its too hot"
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"

If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP ON A WALKIN'
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with unwanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving unwanted advice from friends and family.

http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/

http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm

And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!

A follow up:

Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering what things were like at our old jobs. She worked in a hotel and I worked in a restaurant. What both our experiences had in common was the shameless hierarchy in the work place. New employees were treated like idiots and most of the workload was put on them while those who had "paid their dues" got away with murder. We both recalled how we, as soon as we had been there a while, had jumped right on the bandwagon and did not treat new comers with respect. It was as if all the experiences the person had had as a human being before being hired had no value and they were just pods waiting to be filled with the doctrine of our company.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.

Umbilicus

My mother's worry follows me wherever I go.
The long way
The painful way
That is the only way to learn.

A child needs her mother's worry.
Without it, she would not go on.
It's what propels
It's what sustains flight.

For if my mother did not worry for me
Where would I be?
Always looking backwards,
Hands wringing

Asking why, oh, why
Have I no worry to set me free?
No infinite thread of preoccupation
Tethering me.

When walking alone
Daughter in the care of some other
My thoughts land on this child with every footfall
Her face floating in front of mine.

If I let my thoughts stray from her
The lit tunnel grows dim
She turns back
I am gone

My mother lights my way
With her worry
And the roundness of love
Circles back to me

Gives me a worry of my own
I walk with my hand cupped around its flame
It is a joy, to worry
It is a joy that fills.

A long shot?

In the book The Power of Silence by Carlos Castaneda, the author is involved in a ten or 15 year apprenticeship with a Nagual Yaqui Indian from Northern Mexico. The Naguals practice different forms of sorcery.
On their travels, they come upon a cliff ledge which the author perceives as being desirable for its special levels of energy.
The Nagual, who's name is Don Juan, confirms the author's suspicions. He says that all animals, including humans can detect such spots in their surroundings. Most animals shy away from these spots but they have a different effect on humans.
The effect is that when passing through one of these spots, a person will become tired and be compelled to stop and rest at the exact spot of the emanating energy.
I found this very interesting as we do not usually equate feeling tired with being energized. Usually, when we are tired, we are either pushing ourselves to keep going, wondering why we are tired, or impatiently waiting for it to pass. Very few of us sit and rest without worrying about it.
But, what if being tired is a signal that our bodies are being infused with energy? What if, when we felt tired, we immediately sat down and closed our eyes and opened ourselves up to the flow of energy that is trying to enter our beings?
Obviously, most of us know that being tired is a signal that we need to re-energize but perhaps it is a signal that it is happening already.
Regardless of which it is, it is still important to re-organize our lives according to our tiredness. Of course there are instances due to illness or depression when the tiredness is a symptom or sign of distress, but in normal day-to-day life I think that we should just allow ourselves to be tired.
Just because you are tired today does not mean you will be tired tomorrow. Or maybe you need to be tired for a whole week. Sleep late if you have to (if you can), don't clean your bed room, let your laundry stay unfolded. And most importantly DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. If you do, you won't really rest and will block your re-energising. And if this happens, you will stretch out your tired period and your energized period will never fully come about!
If you fully enjoy and respect your tired period, a period of acute energy will come through naturally. One day, maybe the next day or the next week, you will wake up and feel as if you could do one hundred things that day. And you actually might do it!
I know this because I have started living my life this way, or at least trying to. Some days I rise early, do all my house work before ten, take a walk, write like a maniac, prepare dinner before sunset, organize some cluttered drawer or closet, put new pictures up on the wall and wash all of Ms. Foo's toys.
And then some days I can't seem to open my eyes until...well, maybe I better not say. I can't seem to fathom preparing lunch for myself and tear into some leftover macaroni salad. I find a good movie on TV. I rest. I try not to feel guilty. It is a work in progress.
Most of us know how to do this. Whether the days are able to be random as they are for stay at home moms or whether they have to be on weekends or days off for people with outside jobs, we know how to say,
"I've worked hard. I deserve this". And we are couch potatoes for a day. But for many of us their is a little bitty scraping voice inside of us that says we are doing wrong. Try to get rid of that voice. Know that you could never be as productive as you are able to be without periods of straight, honest rest. Be happy in your laziness and that happiness will carry over into your productivity. Rest is as important as work. We have to learn to believe that.