Rememberances

In honor of the new mom's I met the other day, I am posting this blog again about the aggravation sometimes caused by the all too bold interference of complete strangers about the way we are handling ourselves and our new babies.
Hearing you all talk the other day reminded me of how hard it was. Here's to you.


"That baby should be inside, its too hot"
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"

If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP ON A WALKIN'
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with unwanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving unwanted advice from friends and family.

http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/

http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm

And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!

A follow up:

Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering what things were like at our old jobs. She worked in a hotel and I worked in a restaurant. What both our experiences had in common was the shameless hierarchy in the work place. New employees were treated like idiots and most of the workload was put on them while those who had "paid their dues" got away with murder. We both recalled how we, as soon as we had been there a while, had jumped right on the bandwagon and did not treat new comers with respect. It was as if all the experiences the person had had as a human being before being hired had no value and they were just pods waiting to be filled with the doctrine of our company.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.