Since my daughter was born, we've been waiting for her to grow up. We want her to open her eyes, to hold her head up. To grab things, roll over, crawl. And we have been encouraging her to do all of these things. Since she was four months old we have been showing her how crawling is done, luring her with tempting objects like keys and cell phones. From birth her dad has been enunciating words for her like Mama and Papa. We want her to clap. To eat solid foods. So tell me, why did I feel like I was burying something when I took her pacifier away? I realized; my baby is never going to use a pacifier again in her life. A part of me hoped it would be harder. That she would miss it so much that I would be forced to return it to her. The first night after she finished her milk, in her sleep she moved her head around, mouth open, looking for the pacifier and my heart broke. I almost gave it to her. I would have except she threw it out of her stroller and I decided not to buy another one. But the next night, she had forgotten all about it. When I pack for her, I think I need the pacifier, but I don't. I keep wanting to change my mind. Even though she doesn't miss it, I do.
It seems she is just fine with growing up. Like she's all grown all ready, she's just waiting for her brain to catch up. Every time she hits a milestone, with the excitement and pride comes a little sadness. Like she's about to jump out of an airplane, or get married, and I can't hold on to her anymore. And it's only been eight months!
I understand now, really understand. A very kind man who sat next to me on the plane when my baby was crying because of an earache told me that these kinds of things happen when you have a baby and I should not worry, and that they should make me appreciate what my mother went through. It's true. But watching my baby grow and having to let her...go, makes me understand what my mother still goes through.
August 29, 2008
August 28, 2008
Mr. Bo Jangles
In all of our stories that date back to the first still, fuzzy memories, there are pleasant and painful. As we grow, we realize that we are confused about the classification of some of these memories. Memories that would appear to be fond bring stirrings of unease. Sometimes a time of strife brings memories of closeness or strength. A large part of growing up is sorting these out. But there are a few memories that are clear in their purpose. Shining like a beacon out of that fog that is our memory. Perhaps it is tracing the pattern on your great grandmother's couch with your finger over and over again while the adults whispered around you. Or the feathery bouquets of leaves drooping down to kiss you from the tree outside her house.
A ringing song of memory for me comes from a rare occasion of being alone with my mother while she had nothing to do. My mother worked hard to make life fun and interesting for us and I am sure that she, too, panicked at times that we were not being stimulated enough. And the idea of her effort is one large concept in my memory. But this occasion was a time when she was being her truest self and perhaps did not even fully realize that I was near.
I was about five years old. I sat next to an orange couch on a shaggy brown carpet. The sunlight sat at the open door. My mother sat on a chair with a music book open in front of her. She held a guitar on her lap. I had heard her sing in a high falsetto many times, accompanied by my father's booming powerhouse of a voice, but this time she sang alone. It was the swishing of a broom on the linoleum. The dusting of pollen on the tiny feet of the bee.
She strummed the guitar and kept her eyes down on the book, she sang "Mr. Bo Jangles" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders". It was a long moment. A forever moment. A sunbeam.
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a day that I could give you
Id give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
Id sing a song to make you feel this way
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a tale that I could tell you
Id tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
Id make a wish for sunshine all the while
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
Sunshine almost always
Words by john denver, music by john denver, dick kniss and mike taylor
A ringing song of memory for me comes from a rare occasion of being alone with my mother while she had nothing to do. My mother worked hard to make life fun and interesting for us and I am sure that she, too, panicked at times that we were not being stimulated enough. And the idea of her effort is one large concept in my memory. But this occasion was a time when she was being her truest self and perhaps did not even fully realize that I was near.
I was about five years old. I sat next to an orange couch on a shaggy brown carpet. The sunlight sat at the open door. My mother sat on a chair with a music book open in front of her. She held a guitar on her lap. I had heard her sing in a high falsetto many times, accompanied by my father's booming powerhouse of a voice, but this time she sang alone. It was the swishing of a broom on the linoleum. The dusting of pollen on the tiny feet of the bee.
She strummed the guitar and kept her eyes down on the book, she sang "Mr. Bo Jangles" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders". It was a long moment. A forever moment. A sunbeam.
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a day that I could give you
Id give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
Id sing a song to make you feel this way
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a tale that I could tell you
Id tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
Id make a wish for sunshine all the while
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
Sunshine almost always
Words by john denver, music by john denver, dick kniss and mike taylor
August 27, 2008
Magic Rocks
Is it ok to lie to your kids? What I mean are the little fibs some people tell children to keep them in good behavior or to explain a concept that is too mature or just won't be understood by a child.
Natasha, a good friend from Macedonia told me a couple of funny stories yesterday. When she was six or seven,she asked her aunt, who was expecting a baby, how she got that baby in her belly. Her aunt replied that she had "eaten a lot of beans". So little Natasha, who wanted twins, went home and told her mother she wanted beans for dinner. She ate two bowls very fast and then asked for more. Her mother thought this was strange and warned her that she might get sick. She insisted and half way through the third bowl she flung her spoon to the floor and said,
"I can't take it anymore! I don't care if I don't get pregnant, I'm not eating any more beans!" Her mother, of course, was completely mystified.
When she was about three, adults were telling the children when they asked for coffee that children could not drink coffee because it made little children grow tails. Natasha had a boy cousin whom she spent most of her days with and had seen him pee a few times. She went home and asked her mother for coffee. Her mother said it would make her grow a tail. Natasha said,
"Give me coffee. I want a tail like my cousins so I can pee standing up!"
These stories are very funny but what is even more funny is that even though the adults tried to avoid telling this little girl the truth about certain subjects, the confusion they caused through their white lie explanations led to having to explain the truth to her anyway, plus having to explain the difference between boys and girls!
On the other hand, sometimes telling a small lie just gets a parent through a difficult situation without any confusing effects.
Amanda, a woman I met through an online playgroup has an ingenious way of getting her daughter to leave places where she wants to stay and play. While having lunch at a burger and shake shop, her two year old was busying herself fiddling with the controls of the arcade games. When it was time to go, Ellli began showing signs of a tantrum. Her mother bent down and said,
"Wave bye bye to the games Ellie! Say bye bye! They are really tired, they have to go to sleep." Ellie waved bye bye and recovered before she had started.
My mother went on a hike with two of her friends and took my sister along who was about ten, maybe eleven at the time. She kept complaining that she was tired, that her foot hurt, then her arm, then her knee. Now her ear. She was hungry. My mother stopped and picked up a rock. She gave it to my sister and said,
"Here honey, look what I found. This is a very special rock. If you hold if very tight in your left hand, you won't be tired anymore because it will give you the energy to finish the hike."
My sister held on to that rock and did not complain for the rest of the trip.
Then there is the story of my neighbor, Cora. Cora babysits her grandson. When they come and visit, Ben (her grandson), like any small child, wants to touch everything in my house. Cora's way of dealing with this is by telling Ben that everything is going to bite him. The TV, the glass vase on my dresser, the DVDs on the shelf. This does absolutely nothing because Ben knows these objects are not going to bite him. He looks at me and seems to laugh with his eyes, like he's saying,
"Get a load of this one!".
Who knows why Ellie believes the arcade games are going to sleep and Ben doesn't believe in the maliciousness of my clothes hamper. Who knows why my sister believed in the magic rock or why Natasha associated tails the way she did. I guess the point is that, knowing our children as only we do,should we try and guess what their reactions will be to our little fibs? Are we going to be able to fend off an embarrassing public situation or is she going to know you are full of it? Are you really appeasing your child's curiosity while avoiding a difficult topic or are you just delaying a discussion you are going to have to have anyway when you realize you have confused them?
These are real questions I have, since I have not reached the stage of having to explain things to my child. What I have observed is one thing, but what I will experience is going to be entirely different. If any of you have any thoughts on the subject, please feel free to comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
Natasha, a good friend from Macedonia told me a couple of funny stories yesterday. When she was six or seven,she asked her aunt, who was expecting a baby, how she got that baby in her belly. Her aunt replied that she had "eaten a lot of beans". So little Natasha, who wanted twins, went home and told her mother she wanted beans for dinner. She ate two bowls very fast and then asked for more. Her mother thought this was strange and warned her that she might get sick. She insisted and half way through the third bowl she flung her spoon to the floor and said,
"I can't take it anymore! I don't care if I don't get pregnant, I'm not eating any more beans!" Her mother, of course, was completely mystified.
When she was about three, adults were telling the children when they asked for coffee that children could not drink coffee because it made little children grow tails. Natasha had a boy cousin whom she spent most of her days with and had seen him pee a few times. She went home and asked her mother for coffee. Her mother said it would make her grow a tail. Natasha said,
"Give me coffee. I want a tail like my cousins so I can pee standing up!"
These stories are very funny but what is even more funny is that even though the adults tried to avoid telling this little girl the truth about certain subjects, the confusion they caused through their white lie explanations led to having to explain the truth to her anyway, plus having to explain the difference between boys and girls!
On the other hand, sometimes telling a small lie just gets a parent through a difficult situation without any confusing effects.
Amanda, a woman I met through an online playgroup has an ingenious way of getting her daughter to leave places where she wants to stay and play. While having lunch at a burger and shake shop, her two year old was busying herself fiddling with the controls of the arcade games. When it was time to go, Ellli began showing signs of a tantrum. Her mother bent down and said,
"Wave bye bye to the games Ellie! Say bye bye! They are really tired, they have to go to sleep." Ellie waved bye bye and recovered before she had started.
My mother went on a hike with two of her friends and took my sister along who was about ten, maybe eleven at the time. She kept complaining that she was tired, that her foot hurt, then her arm, then her knee. Now her ear. She was hungry. My mother stopped and picked up a rock. She gave it to my sister and said,
"Here honey, look what I found. This is a very special rock. If you hold if very tight in your left hand, you won't be tired anymore because it will give you the energy to finish the hike."
My sister held on to that rock and did not complain for the rest of the trip.
Then there is the story of my neighbor, Cora. Cora babysits her grandson. When they come and visit, Ben (her grandson), like any small child, wants to touch everything in my house. Cora's way of dealing with this is by telling Ben that everything is going to bite him. The TV, the glass vase on my dresser, the DVDs on the shelf. This does absolutely nothing because Ben knows these objects are not going to bite him. He looks at me and seems to laugh with his eyes, like he's saying,
"Get a load of this one!".
Who knows why Ellie believes the arcade games are going to sleep and Ben doesn't believe in the maliciousness of my clothes hamper. Who knows why my sister believed in the magic rock or why Natasha associated tails the way she did. I guess the point is that, knowing our children as only we do,should we try and guess what their reactions will be to our little fibs? Are we going to be able to fend off an embarrassing public situation or is she going to know you are full of it? Are you really appeasing your child's curiosity while avoiding a difficult topic or are you just delaying a discussion you are going to have to have anyway when you realize you have confused them?
These are real questions I have, since I have not reached the stage of having to explain things to my child. What I have observed is one thing, but what I will experience is going to be entirely different. If any of you have any thoughts on the subject, please feel free to comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
August 26, 2008
The Jungle Gym and the One Woman Band
Every other day I go into a panic that my daughter is not getting enough stimulation. I want to take her to every story time scheduled for the week, go to the park, listen to music that will fire genius neurons in her brain and do baby exercise. But I also have to do a little house work, I have to bathe, we both have to eat, go to the grocery store, pay the phone bill, and make dinner. OH MY GOD WHAT ABOUT THE LAUNDRY! So I compose a second by second schedule starting at 8am which includes everything from brushing my teeth to the baby Play and Learn that is going on at 3 that afternoon. I scurry around getting everything done then I scurry around getting everything ready to go to the park and then...she falls asleep. And I, again, go into a panic that my scheduling ability is wanting and that she is not getting enough stimulation. So when she wakes up, I sit in front of her and spasmodically try to sing one hundred different songs while teaching her to crawl and say Mama all at the same time that I am thinking that we should be at the park so that she can watch the other kids play but according to the schedule I have to start dinner in fifteen minutes! (She's still too small to really play with other kids). She sits across from me and stares.
I have exhausted myself. I collapse on the bed. Then, an incredible thing happens. She starts smiling and trying to pull herself up by my bent knee. Then she crawls up on my stomach and starts bouncing up and down. She flips around and, resting her head on my belly, starts playing with my bracelet. Gets herself up and completely entertains herself with the few toys scattered on the bed. Crawls over to the windowsill, pulls herself up. Crawls back to me, crawls all over me. Bats at my face. She's having a blast and I all I have to do is relax on the bed.
After about seven minuted of this, I suddenly get a burst of energy, shoot up in the bed and scoop her up. I fly her around, singing songs with enthusiasm instead of with desperation and rolling around with her on the floor. Then we sit and I clap my hands. Make clicking noises with my tongue. Whistle. She thinks all of this is fascinating. And I feel great.
Should I take her out sometimes? Yes, of course. It is really important to do things that are special and focused on her. But some days just don't allow for it, and I think that at this age a trip to the grocery store is just as interesting to her as a trip to the park. And story time can wait till next week. I can read to her at home today, and tomorrow I won't have to go to the grocery store and we can go to story time. Sometimes dinner can wait instead of the park but I don't have to feel guilty if I can't take her every single day. Right now, she doesn't know the difference. As long as I am giving her attention, I am not a bad parent if I don't take her to every kid event in the city. Everything we do is fun for her for the time being and I should enjoy that. And I don't have to jump around like a loon to make her laugh. All I have to do is be around. And the rest will come naturally.
I have exhausted myself. I collapse on the bed. Then, an incredible thing happens. She starts smiling and trying to pull herself up by my bent knee. Then she crawls up on my stomach and starts bouncing up and down. She flips around and, resting her head on my belly, starts playing with my bracelet. Gets herself up and completely entertains herself with the few toys scattered on the bed. Crawls over to the windowsill, pulls herself up. Crawls back to me, crawls all over me. Bats at my face. She's having a blast and I all I have to do is relax on the bed.
After about seven minuted of this, I suddenly get a burst of energy, shoot up in the bed and scoop her up. I fly her around, singing songs with enthusiasm instead of with desperation and rolling around with her on the floor. Then we sit and I clap my hands. Make clicking noises with my tongue. Whistle. She thinks all of this is fascinating. And I feel great.
Should I take her out sometimes? Yes, of course. It is really important to do things that are special and focused on her. But some days just don't allow for it, and I think that at this age a trip to the grocery store is just as interesting to her as a trip to the park. And story time can wait till next week. I can read to her at home today, and tomorrow I won't have to go to the grocery store and we can go to story time. Sometimes dinner can wait instead of the park but I don't have to feel guilty if I can't take her every single day. Right now, she doesn't know the difference. As long as I am giving her attention, I am not a bad parent if I don't take her to every kid event in the city. Everything we do is fun for her for the time being and I should enjoy that. And I don't have to jump around like a loon to make her laugh. All I have to do is be around. And the rest will come naturally.
August 22, 2008
Baby Eczema
It always comes back. It seems to hurt you more than it does your baby. It starts a month or so after birth as little bumps on her cheeks. And then a sort of yellow crust grows. You call the doctor, she says its not serious. Then, the skin seems to open up and begins to weep! Your baby can't keep her hands away from it. She rubs them on the pillow, against her sleeper and with the gloves you put over her little hands. All this causing the skin to open up even more. You call the doctor. She gives you an ointment and...it doesn't work.
Ok, ok, it does work for many people as it did for my neighbor. But for so many people is does not. And this causes anguish and desperation as the problem seems to get worse and worse. My baby suffered from this condition and so in my search for a solution I encountered many mothers who told of their own battles with it. Most of them turned to home remedies after the doctor recommended ointment failed. What I learned is, there are as many remedies as there are babies, (roughly). It seems that every child's chemistry demands something different. A remedy that worked wonders for Elizabeth will do nothing for Henry. (Fictional characters). But none of them make matters worse and are worth trying until you find the one for you. Here are a few of them.
Note: This flower can be a little hard to find. While I waited for it to be sent to me from New Mexico, I dried some rose petals and boiled them. They worked just as well.
For more information on Baby Eczema, click here.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/skin/eczema_atopic_dermatitis.html
All of the information in this article is based on personal experience. I have no medical certification and all activities should be discussed with your doctor to make sure they are safe for your specific situation.
Ok, ok, it does work for many people as it did for my neighbor. But for so many people is does not. And this causes anguish and desperation as the problem seems to get worse and worse. My baby suffered from this condition and so in my search for a solution I encountered many mothers who told of their own battles with it. Most of them turned to home remedies after the doctor recommended ointment failed. What I learned is, there are as many remedies as there are babies, (roughly). It seems that every child's chemistry demands something different. A remedy that worked wonders for Elizabeth will do nothing for Henry. (Fictional characters). But none of them make matters worse and are worth trying until you find the one for you. Here are a few of them.
- A&D Diaper rash ointment
- Rosa de Castillo
Note: This flower can be a little hard to find. While I waited for it to be sent to me from New Mexico, I dried some rose petals and boiled them. They worked just as well.
- Watkins' Red Clover salve and Smith's Rosebud salve
- Gentle Naturals Baby Eczema Cream
- Eucerin Baby Aquaphor
- Rosemary tea
For more information on Baby Eczema, click here.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/skin/eczema_atopic_dermatitis.html
All of the information in this article is based on personal experience. I have no medical certification and all activities should be discussed with your doctor to make sure they are safe for your specific situation.
August 21, 2008
The Other Mothers: A follow-up
Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering what things were like at our old jobs. She worked in a hotel and I worked in a restaurant. What both our experiences had in common was the shameless hierarchy in the work place. New employees were treated like idiots and most of the workload was put on them while those who had "paid their dues" got away with murder. We both recalled how we, as soon as we had been there a while, had jumped right on the bandwagon and did not treat new comers with respect. It was as if all the experiences the person had had as a human being before being hired had no value and they were just pods waiting to be filled with the doctrine of our company.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.
August 20, 2008
The Other Mothers: A rant
"That baby should be inside, its too hot"
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"
If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with un-wanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving un-wanted advice from friends and family.
http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/
http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm
And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first eight months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"
If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with un-wanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving un-wanted advice from friends and family.
http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/
http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm
And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first eight months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!
August 19, 2008
Baby Slings
It is not a controversial issue but there are mixed feelings on the subject. When I walk down the street with my baby in a sling, some people look at me and smile and some people (especially older women) give me dirty looks and mutter as they pass by. A lot of this has to do with safety. There are many who believe carrying a child in a sling is unsafe. And there are others that believe that there is nothing better and does wonders for your child's development.
The Baby Wearers say:
Those apposed to or unsure about baby wearing say:
While there are definitely more reasons why you should wear your baby, the two reasons for not wearing her are pretty alarming and are worth thinking about.
My baby wearing experiences have taught me that:
When I do take her in a stroller, I take the sling with me. I can always put the things I am carrying in the stroller and carry her. I may have to carry her anyway, so a sling makes things a lot easier.
You should always secure your baby with your hand when carrying her in a hip sling. You are free to use both hands when you need to but that doesn't mean you should walk around with your arms swinging all the time. She won't fall out as long as you aren't bending all over the place, but she will bounce around a lot if you don't hold her.
The idea that if I fall, she falls, does worry me sometimes. Especially with stairs. So, if I am going to be carrying a lot of packages, I use a stroller. If I am going down or up stairs, I move slowly and hold on to the banister, ignoring all those people who are in a rush and are maybe cursing me (silently or not). Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, and that is a choice you have to make. I choose to be as careful as I can and hope for the best.
Here is a link for more information on the benefits of baby wearing.
http://www.bellybelly.com.au/articles/baby/babywearing-the-benefits
Here is another good one. SCROLL DOWN TO THE SAFETY TIPS. They are priceless.
http://www.llli.org/FAQ/babywearing.html
The Baby Wearers say:
- When you wear your baby, she feels ultimately secure and will cry less.
- When your child is at eye level with adults, they will interact more with your child, thus helping your child develop socially.
- Wearing your baby is a great way to get things done around the house when your child insists on being held but you still need two hands.
- Women all over the world wear their babies.
- Babies need to be held as much as possible. It helps them be more independent later if they feel secure from the start. (Contrary to the belief that you must leave your child alone so they will learn to self soothe.)
Those apposed to or unsure about baby wearing say:
- It is dangerous. If you fall while carrying your baby, she will be hurt as well. Whereas if you fall while pushing a stroller, the stroller will most likely stay standing.
- Your child is going to fall out.
While there are definitely more reasons why you should wear your baby, the two reasons for not wearing her are pretty alarming and are worth thinking about.
My baby wearing experiences have taught me that:
- It is something that you have to practice. You have to wear your baby around the house for a while without doing anything else until you get comfortable and learn to trust yourself and the sling.
- You have to find new ways to adjust the sling about every two weeks as your baby's size and weight change.
- Wearing your baby while doing another activity is not like doing the activity without wearing a baby. Yes, you have two hands, however, the baby is heavy and, if she is in a hip sling, it can be a bit cumbersome when trying to, say, wash dishes. You have to compensate for that.
- Wearing your baby on your back gives you much more freedom to move around like you would without your baby, but my baby gets tired of it quickly.
- People interact with my baby a lot more when she is in the sling than when she is in the stroller.
- When she was a newborn, she took her best naps when in the sling.
- After an extended period of time in a stroller, she starts to get cranky. I've carried her around in the sling for hours and she never complains unless she is hungry.
- I find she is more alert to what is going on around her when she is in the sling than when in the stroller. I don't know why, but it's true for me.
- She has never fallen out of the sling. There are steadfast, secure methods for wearing your baby and once you get used to them, you will never have to worry. Here are is a link where you can learn how to wear your baby.
When I do take her in a stroller, I take the sling with me. I can always put the things I am carrying in the stroller and carry her. I may have to carry her anyway, so a sling makes things a lot easier.
You should always secure your baby with your hand when carrying her in a hip sling. You are free to use both hands when you need to but that doesn't mean you should walk around with your arms swinging all the time. She won't fall out as long as you aren't bending all over the place, but she will bounce around a lot if you don't hold her.
The idea that if I fall, she falls, does worry me sometimes. Especially with stairs. So, if I am going to be carrying a lot of packages, I use a stroller. If I am going down or up stairs, I move slowly and hold on to the banister, ignoring all those people who are in a rush and are maybe cursing me (silently or not). Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, and that is a choice you have to make. I choose to be as careful as I can and hope for the best.
Here is a link for more information on the benefits of baby wearing.
http://www.bellybelly.com.au/articles/baby/babywearing-the-benefits
Here is another good one. SCROLL DOWN TO THE SAFETY TIPS. They are priceless.
http://www.llli.org/FAQ/babywearing.html
August 15, 2008
Sharing
Between women, the sharing of information about how each of us is going about caring for our new babies is priceless. Meeting other new mother's at the park is a very encouraging experience. You get to ask what they are doing, if they are feeding solids yet, potty training, where their babies are developmentally and they ask you the same questions and everybody goes home feeling a lot more normal and confidant. Even the most timid women open up at least a little bit when the conversation is about new babies. And it helps to know that you are not the only one who is a little unsure about how she is doing. But sometimes, we leave someone out. That someone is the lone dad at the park. Maybe a lot of women shy away from him because we don't want to seem like we are hitting on him and perhaps he stays away for the same reason. While I don't deny that there are bound to be times when someone is trying to pick up a date, I have learned from experience that this is more the exception than the norm.
FOR EXAMPLE. I was sitting on a bench with my 7 month old baby girl and a father was sitting on the other end with a little girl who looked to be about the same age. He hesitated for about a minute and then asked if he could move over a bit. Of course my first thought was that he wanted to, yes, pick me up, ( how vain of me) but all he wanted to do was put the two little girls close to each other so they could play. And soon another mother came over with her baby and brought out baby cookies and everybody had a grand time. During this time, we all exchanged information about our babies and the dad looked so relieved and happy.
Another dad who looked even more nervous was someone I encountered while playing in a circle with about five kids (including mine) and a rubber ball. This man was caring for a little boy whom he had just adopted and they seemed to still be getting to know one another. As my friend and I talked about our little girls, he seemed to be hanging on every word but would not join the conversation. Finally, my friend noticed and began to talk directly to him. His eyes lit up and he just began asking question after question. On the way home my friend mentioned that it must be hard for dad's who are raising children on their own or are the parent that stays because, as it seems very natural for women to come together and discuss their children's eating habits and bowel movements, men might refrain from asking for fear that we, as mother's, will judge them and think they "don't know what they are doing". Little do they know, none of us knows what we are doing! We are learning day by day and we all need a little compare and contrast session once in a while. So come on over dad's and say hi.
FOR EXAMPLE. I was sitting on a bench with my 7 month old baby girl and a father was sitting on the other end with a little girl who looked to be about the same age. He hesitated for about a minute and then asked if he could move over a bit. Of course my first thought was that he wanted to, yes, pick me up, ( how vain of me) but all he wanted to do was put the two little girls close to each other so they could play. And soon another mother came over with her baby and brought out baby cookies and everybody had a grand time. During this time, we all exchanged information about our babies and the dad looked so relieved and happy.
Another dad who looked even more nervous was someone I encountered while playing in a circle with about five kids (including mine) and a rubber ball. This man was caring for a little boy whom he had just adopted and they seemed to still be getting to know one another. As my friend and I talked about our little girls, he seemed to be hanging on every word but would not join the conversation. Finally, my friend noticed and began to talk directly to him. His eyes lit up and he just began asking question after question. On the way home my friend mentioned that it must be hard for dad's who are raising children on their own or are the parent that stays because, as it seems very natural for women to come together and discuss their children's eating habits and bowel movements, men might refrain from asking for fear that we, as mother's, will judge them and think they "don't know what they are doing". Little do they know, none of us knows what we are doing! We are learning day by day and we all need a little compare and contrast session once in a while. So come on over dad's and say hi.
August 14, 2008
Cookie Monster
Is Cookie Monster the symbol of a baby learning how and what to eat? Cookie Monster will eat anything in site. Cookies, plates, street lamps. I let my baby try and feed herself for the first time this morning. I put a plate of cereal puffs and tiny pieces of banana in front of her and then dug into my own bowl of cereal. Who knows what made me think that she would immediately begin to daintily pick up each piece of food with her little thumb and forefinger and expertly bring it to her mouth. Nope. She batted at the plate for a while, throwing the food all over the place. Then, when I had refilled it, she grabbed handfuls of food and then brought her clenched fist to her mouth but could not get anything in because all the food was in her clenched fist. After about ten minuted most of the food was on the floor and she succeeded in getting about three pieces of food in her mouth. Isn't this what usually happens with Cookie Monster? And then, after she found the plate empty, she picked it up with both hands and started gnawing at it. It was the funniest thing.
August 13, 2008
Excercise During Pregnancy
Exercising during pregnancy is a wonderful way to promote a healthy labor. Although many factors contribute to labor and each woman's experience is different, only good things can come from exercising.
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/health_safety/active_birth.shtml
This link the site for a book called Active Birth by Janet Balaskas. In addition to many more wonderful yoga exercises, there is a wealth of information about the benefits of exercise before and DURING labor.
This link is an article that further discusses the benefits of water exercises and details some really great moves. Check your local listings for a class in your area.
All of the information in this article is based on personal experience. I have no medical certification and all activities should be discussed with your doctor to make sure they are safe for your specific situation.
- Start slowly, with short brisk walks around the block. Walking for fifteen minutes every day is a great way to get your blood flowing and to keep your hip and pelvic bones flexible.
- Do some basic prenatal yoga exercises. Here is one that really helped me and below is a link with more information.
- Start by clasping your hands behind your back. Then, keeping your legs straight, very slowly bend from the waist. Bend as far as you can and when the backs of your legs begin to feel a slight burn DON'T TENSE UP. Instead, relax your leg muscles and breath in and out slowly until the burning lessens. Then, if you feel comfortable, bend just a little bit farther, breath, and relax your leg muscles again.
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/health_safety/active_birth.shtml
This link the site for a book called Active Birth by Janet Balaskas. In addition to many more wonderful yoga exercises, there is a wealth of information about the benefits of exercise before and DURING labor.
- Swimming. It offers a prime work out for your body and also helps relieve some of the pressure you walk around with all day.
This link is an article that further discusses the benefits of water exercises and details some really great moves. Check your local listings for a class in your area.
- The figure 8. Stand with your legs about a foot apart and place your hands under your belly. Close your eyes and slowly rotate your hips in the form of a figure 8. First in one direction and then the other. This is also a great exercise to do during labor as it helps to gently lower the babies head.
- Kegels. Try to do about 25 of these a day. They help to strengthen the pelvic floor.
All of the information in this article is based on personal experience. I have no medical certification and all activities should be discussed with your doctor to make sure they are safe for your specific situation.
August 12, 2008
Things to do with your baby
Here are some ideas, or just reminders, for those times when you finally have time to play with your baby and you can't think of one single thing to do.
This article is geared towards, but not limited to, babies between the ages of 4 and 12 months.
1: Babies love mirrors
Just hold a hand mirror up to her face or stand with her in front of a large mirror. Smile at her, call her name, bounce her a little;her face will light up every time.
2: Kitchen stuff
Babies like toys but I am sure you have noticed that they love non-toys even more! Find safe things in your kitchen for your baby to play with like plastic soup ladles, clean empty yogurt containers, wire whisks, and tupper ware lids. Sit with your baby and explain what each one is before you hand it over. She will love exploring these new objects.
Note: Always supervise your baby while playing with non-toys
3: Sing songs
At first, you may feel a little silly but once you get started your baby might get tired of it before you do! You don't have to sing anything fancy, ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, and Happy Birthday, over and over again will keep your baby happy and feeling loved. You can even make up songs about whatever it is you are doing at the moment. Just look at your baby, smile, and make a lot of hand motions. Songs that are good for this are The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Where is Thumbkin?
See full songs below.
4: Tour of the House
Hoist your baby up on your hip and walk her around the house. Go into different rooms and point to different objects and say their names. Give simple explanations for what they do. Turn the lights off and on and say "Off" and "On". Open cupboards and drawers and talk about what is inside. Your baby will be enthralled.
5: Baby walk
If the weather is nice, go for a short stroll around the block and let your baby touch different plants, trees, fences and mail boxes.
Many of these things seem like common sense, but time and time again I find my self at a loss for activities. Perhaps because I am trying to think of things that will be fun for me and am forgetting that babies have fun doing anything as long as they doing it with you. Feel free to add any games or ideas in the comments section. Thanks for reading!
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
Went up the water spout!
Down came the rain and
Washed the spider out!
Out came the sun and
Dried up all the rain and
the Itsy Bitsy Spider
Went up the spout agian!
Where is Thumbkin?
Where is Thumbkin?
Where is Thumbkin?
Here I am!
Here I am!
Thank you very much sir,
You are very welcome,
Run away!
Run away!
Twinkle, Twinkle
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are.
This article is geared towards, but not limited to, babies between the ages of 4 and 12 months.
1: Babies love mirrors
Just hold a hand mirror up to her face or stand with her in front of a large mirror. Smile at her, call her name, bounce her a little;her face will light up every time.
2: Kitchen stuff
Babies like toys but I am sure you have noticed that they love non-toys even more! Find safe things in your kitchen for your baby to play with like plastic soup ladles, clean empty yogurt containers, wire whisks, and tupper ware lids. Sit with your baby and explain what each one is before you hand it over. She will love exploring these new objects.
Note: Always supervise your baby while playing with non-toys
3: Sing songs
At first, you may feel a little silly but once you get started your baby might get tired of it before you do! You don't have to sing anything fancy, ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, and Happy Birthday, over and over again will keep your baby happy and feeling loved. You can even make up songs about whatever it is you are doing at the moment. Just look at your baby, smile, and make a lot of hand motions. Songs that are good for this are The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Where is Thumbkin?
See full songs below.
4: Tour of the House
Hoist your baby up on your hip and walk her around the house. Go into different rooms and point to different objects and say their names. Give simple explanations for what they do. Turn the lights off and on and say "Off" and "On". Open cupboards and drawers and talk about what is inside. Your baby will be enthralled.
5: Baby walk
If the weather is nice, go for a short stroll around the block and let your baby touch different plants, trees, fences and mail boxes.
Many of these things seem like common sense, but time and time again I find my self at a loss for activities. Perhaps because I am trying to think of things that will be fun for me and am forgetting that babies have fun doing anything as long as they doing it with you. Feel free to add any games or ideas in the comments section. Thanks for reading!
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
Went up the water spout!
Down came the rain and
Washed the spider out!
Out came the sun and
Dried up all the rain and
the Itsy Bitsy Spider
Went up the spout agian!
Where is Thumbkin?
Where is Thumbkin?
Where is Thumbkin?
Here I am!
Here I am!
Thank you very much sir,
You are very welcome,
Run away!
Run away!
Twinkle, Twinkle
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are.
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