Cabbage

Just something quick to help you through a tough time in the first months.
A very common ailment for breastfeeding mom's especially in the beginning, is a CLOGGED MILK DUCT.
This can be very painful. You will feel burning when your baby latches on and will see one or many small lumps on the breast. Your breast will also become engorged and feel as hard as a rock.

If it becomes drastically larger than the other breast or is extremely painful and red you should see your doctor immediately.

If it is slightly swollen and painful and your baby is still getting milk from it, there is a home remedy that can help you.

First off, let your baby drink only from the clogged breast for a whole day.
Also, massage the clogged area and try to work the clog down and out of the breast.
Next, take a cabbage leaf and place it on the clogged breast and place a washcloth that has been soaked in warm water over the cabbage leaf. Leave it on for about 30 minutes if you can.
Repeat the treatment as often as you would like.
The cabbage and the heat help to pull the clogged milk out.
If after 2 or 3 days, your breast is still clogged, see your doctor.

Winter Oasis for $$$

Yesterday, I visited an indoor play space in New York City called Appleseeds. They have tons of classes in movement, art, and music and a beautiful padded play gym. They have three private bathrooms, a private nursing room and a whole separate, fully stocked changing station complete with diaper genies.
Awesome, right?
Wrong.
Just like Organic food and self-sustained living, it seems that indoor play gyms in New York City are only meant for people of a certain class. What I mean by this is, wouldn't we all love to eat food without growth hormones, not add to the destruction of the environment and have a place for our kids to play when it too cold to go to the park? The answer is yes, but most people cannot afford it.
I visited the play space on a night when they offered a free event for families with live music and food. While I had a great time and appreciated the freebies I still had to wonder why the cost of a membership with access to the play yard was over $300 a semester.
I understand charging a bit, especially with all the great amenities, but it seemed a little over the top. Then I realized. Only wealthy people must deserve to have an indoor play yard and the owners want to make that clear.
Appleseeds is not the only culprit. There is also Gymboree, Kidville, and the Playgarden. They all offer one free trial class but afterwards charge no less than $200 per semester per child with a small discount for additional children. This does not include the price of individual classes which are over $100 a semester per class.

In this city, space is limited. And the less money you have, the less space you have. So we go out searching for more space. But it turns out the play yards are just an extension of already large Park Ave. apartments. The rest of us have to wait for the summer.

What will I do?

Right now, when I say no, and she turns to look at me with that mischievous gleam in her eye then turns back to tipping over the trash can, I can just bolt over to her and pick her up. As Bill Cosby once said
"You have a two-year-old ,
you say 'Come here!'
the child says 'No!'
you go and get the child,
that's yes".
And she bicycles her legs in the air, sometimes screeching, sometimes laughing. Then it's on to the next thing. I give her a book, a toy, we sing a song, whatever.
But I have this dread. I realize I have no idea how to discipline my child. There are a million books out there and they all have different ideas. Some say to use "Time Outs", others encourage "Time Ins". There are so many different titles,
"Don't be afraid to discipline your child"
"How to raise a spirited child"
"What to do with a troublesome child"
"Breaking bad behavior".
What do they know? Kids act crazy no matter what, if you ask me. And I am very guilty of shaking my heads at other people's children through out the years, vowing that my child (when I had one) would not behave this way. And now that I have one I want to hang my head in shame for all that ignorant judgment I tried to pass. My kid screams when you take stuff away from her too. She hits other children. She refuses eighty percent of the food I try to give her. She throws a tantrum when I put her in her stroller. She tries to grab everything that is in her reach at the grocery store.
I just try to stay calm. Gentle, firm. I feel like the most important thing is to keep my temper. But what about later? When she's bigger, when she understands more? When I actually have to make her see the consequences of what she does? Will I be strong enough? Will I be able to stand in front of her and demand attention and obedience? Is that even what I should expect?
Will I just be afraid of making her hate me so will submit to her every whim?
When she does something that is defiant or unexpected, I feel my throat shake, my chest constrict. I miss a beat sometimes and have to struggle to find my footing. I worry that I will give up and let her run wild.
But then I understand that I won't. I won't because I love her. And I can see clearly the benefits of being firm with her. She's smart, healthy, strong, curious, adventurous. But she is also new. Every time something is questionable to her, be it a person she has never seen before or a loud sound outside, she looks at me. She is asking me with her eyes, "Is this allright?"
So, I have to tell her
This is ok, this is not. That's my job. And you know what? I'm totally up for it!

Yes, I'll be fine. I just think about it a lot. As I think (with a substantially larger amount of terror) about her teenage years. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I will have to, god willing, raise a teenager.
Whoa boy...

Fa la la la Blue Ray

Did you know that a blue-ray disc player will bring your family together?
Did you also know that Guitar Hero will fix all of your families problems?


Yesterday, I saw three ads in a row for a blue-ray disc player and all of them with the same theme.
"Our family did not used to get along but now with the Blue Ray Home Theater System we are always together!"
"This family used to have nothing in common but with the Blue Ray Blah Blah Blah, they are now united!"

And the families really do look happy. Not "Leave it to Beaver" happy but chaotic, jumping on couches, dad spinning the little girl around, popcorn, pajama wearing happiness. And all because the Blue Ray has some mysterious and wonderful ingredient that the DVD player did not. With out the Blue Ray everyone would have stayed in their own little pods of individual mp3 players, PSP's and Text Pads. Let's unglue our eyes from our private little flashing adrenaline boosters and hinge ourselves to one big one. Let's be zombies as a family!

People have, for many years, gathered around a TV set. My grandparent's used to watch The Golden Girls with my youngest aunt on Saturday nights and it is a very fond memory for her. Saturday morning cartoons were some of the best times of my young life, hanging out with my brothers and sisters (and fighting with my brothers and sisters) before my parent's got up.
But that was back when there were, like, seven channels and only the hippest people had a VHS player. Now, it's different. What about when no one wants to watch the same movie? What about when the 24 hour cartoon network gets in the way of the Big Game? Ok, everyone gets their own Blue Ray and the family is separated again. I'm making my self sick with the amount of times I am saying Blue Ray.

Now for the famous line:
DON'T GET ME WRONG!
I have been abundantly grateful for technology especially since my daughter was born, and then again when my niece was born since we all live so far away from each other. I am so happy that I am able to instantly send pictures and videos of Ms. Foo to my family, that I am able to talk to my sister and see her new baby via video chat.
But a video game making everything all right?
More like covering things up.
Ingrid, (let's call her Ingrid) is my neighbor. Her husband's children from another marriage (who are teenagers now) do not have the best relationship with either of them. They used to stay away, always making excuses to not visit.
Then he bought a Wii. Guitar Hero to be exact. Now they are over all the time. Yay. The family is together.
But try taking them to the park. Try taking them to dinner. Try talking to them. It is very clear, they are only there for the video game. When the TV was broken, they did not come.

A lot of these commercials focus on the teenagers who don't want to hang out with their parents. If you buy this cool new electronic thing, they will come running. And this strikes chords all over the country because teenagers are adamant about one thing: they don't want to hang out with their parents.
So let's buy them back. This can get very expensive. Because soon they will get tired of the video game and want a new one. Or a new phone. Or Internet on their phone. And since you bought the first thing, if you don't buy the next thing its bye bye teenager and the only way to get them back is to give in.
And the electronics companies know this.
And the reason I know this? How do you think I have been able to notice the ridiculous amount of commercials about the same thing?
God help me, I am not immune!!!

Laughing Babies

Hello, everybody. Thank you for checking in today. Unfortunately I seem to have no time today. At least not to write about what I wanted to write about. So, I'm pushing the blogs back this week. Wednesday thru Saturday.
But for your viewing pleasure, one of Ms. Foo's favorite videos...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dj298NRTO8

Spoof

At the risk of offending women who have had breast implants, I post a link to a spoof made on the Motrin commercial I was complaining about last week.
It's pretty funny stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpqpAGLS2t4&eurl=http://comment.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewComments&friendID=145181639&feature=player_embedded

Rememberances

In honor of the new mom's I met the other day, I am posting this blog again about the aggravation sometimes caused by the all too bold interference of complete strangers about the way we are handling ourselves and our new babies.
Hearing you all talk the other day reminded me of how hard it was. Here's to you.


"That baby should be inside, its too hot"
"Tell your parents to put socks on your feet, you're gonna burn!"
"Don't put her there, its too hot"
"Don't put her there, its too cold"

If these words were to come from my mother, I would listen. Or I would say,
"I think she'll be fine", or, "Oh, don't worry, I put sunblock on her feet". If my mother lived in the same city, I would leave my baby with her if it was too hot, but she doesn't. So I bring lots of water and a hat. But I don't have time to stop and tell my life story to a stranger. And if I did, I am always too surprised by their comment to think of anything to say.
The truth is, I get mad. Do people really think that I am not thinking about my baby when I leave the house? How do they know if I put sunblock on her feet or not? Or that I didn't test the temperature of the ground before I let her practice walking on it? And why are you pretending that you are talking to my baby when you are really talking to me?
"Oh, poor thing, aren't you cold?" Is something someone always has to say when I am in the dairy section of the supermarket. Now tell me, what am I supposed to do? Park her in the cereal section while I pick up the eggs and milk? She's fine! I put socks on her! She's wearing pants! You want a parka? A snow hat? It's the middle of summer!
Now, you might say that these people are just concerned and since I am obviously a new mother, they are just trying to give me advice. I try to adopt this school of thought when strangers tell me to give her scallions to chew on to soothe her gums or when they let me know that her hat has fallen over her eyes while she is in the stroller. But don't sneakily chide me. Look at my baby. She's all smiles.
I wish I could think of something clever to say to these people. What am I supposed to say to a complete stranger when she tells me not to let her play on the grass because "the ants are gonna get her!". She says it frowning, waggling her finger. Why can't she just say, "You know what, I think there are ants in that grass. You might want to put a blanket down."
It's definitely the underlying tone. A woman once, startled, told me "Oh! Your baby is sucking on the shopping cart!" And we both laughed as I took her out of the cart and then she told me that her kids used to do the same thing. She didn't just assume my incompetence.
I guess my point is, if you know me and I have a history of being irresponsible, go ahead! Reprimand me! But if you have no idea, KEEP ON A WALKIN'
Ok. I'm done. And I also know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Here are some links. The first is for dealing with unwanted advice from strangers. The second is for those of you who are (thankfully, not like me) receiving unwanted advice from friends and family.

http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/dealing-with-unwanted-advice/

http://www.adoptvietnam.org/parenting/unwantedadvice.htm

And lastly, thank you to all my friends and family for all your sincere, nurturing advice through out my entire pregnancy and these first months of my baby' life. I could not have done it without you!!!

A follow up:

Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering what things were like at our old jobs. She worked in a hotel and I worked in a restaurant. What both our experiences had in common was the shameless hierarchy in the work place. New employees were treated like idiots and most of the workload was put on them while those who had "paid their dues" got away with murder. We both recalled how we, as soon as we had been there a while, had jumped right on the bandwagon and did not treat new comers with respect. It was as if all the experiences the person had had as a human being before being hired had no value and they were just pods waiting to be filled with the doctrine of our company.
She mentioned that we may have behaved this way because we felt that, since we had to go through it, everyone else should have to as well. Why should they get it "easy" if we did not? Heaven forbid we try and change things and welcome new faces with warmth and understanding.
Well, perhaps this has a little bit to do with what I talked about yesterday. I'm sure all those ladies who jump to criticize me without even knowing me had to endure the same treatment when they were new mothers. And, judging from my past behavior, it is very likely that I will automatically divert to this type of behavior when my children are grown and a fresh batch of new mother's are carrying their babies through the dairy aisle of the super market.
Heaven forbid I should try and change things,unless...I'll check back with you in twenty years.

Umbilicus

My mother's worry follows me wherever I go.
The long way
The painful way
That is the only way to learn.

A child needs her mother's worry.
Without it, she would not go on.
It's what propels
It's what sustains flight.

For if my mother did not worry for me
Where would I be?
Always looking backwards,
Hands wringing

Asking why, oh, why
Have I no worry to set me free?
No infinite thread of preoccupation
Tethering me.

When walking alone
Daughter in the care of some other
My thoughts land on this child with every footfall
Her face floating in front of mine.

If I let my thoughts stray from her
The lit tunnel grows dim
She turns back
I am gone

My mother lights my way
With her worry
And the roundness of love
Circles back to me

Gives me a worry of my own
I walk with my hand cupped around its flame
It is a joy, to worry
It is a joy that fills.

A long shot?

In the book The Power of Silence by Carlos Castaneda, the author is involved in a ten or 15 year apprenticeship with a Nagual Yaqui Indian from Northern Mexico. The Naguals practice different forms of sorcery.
On their travels, they come upon a cliff ledge which the author perceives as being desirable for its special levels of energy.
The Nagual, who's name is Don Juan, confirms the author's suspicions. He says that all animals, including humans can detect such spots in their surroundings. Most animals shy away from these spots but they have a different effect on humans.
The effect is that when passing through one of these spots, a person will become tired and be compelled to stop and rest at the exact spot of the emanating energy.
I found this very interesting as we do not usually equate feeling tired with being energized. Usually, when we are tired, we are either pushing ourselves to keep going, wondering why we are tired, or impatiently waiting for it to pass. Very few of us sit and rest without worrying about it.
But, what if being tired is a signal that our bodies are being infused with energy? What if, when we felt tired, we immediately sat down and closed our eyes and opened ourselves up to the flow of energy that is trying to enter our beings?
Obviously, most of us know that being tired is a signal that we need to re-energize but perhaps it is a signal that it is happening already.
Regardless of which it is, it is still important to re-organize our lives according to our tiredness. Of course there are instances due to illness or depression when the tiredness is a symptom or sign of distress, but in normal day-to-day life I think that we should just allow ourselves to be tired.
Just because you are tired today does not mean you will be tired tomorrow. Or maybe you need to be tired for a whole week. Sleep late if you have to (if you can), don't clean your bed room, let your laundry stay unfolded. And most importantly DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. If you do, you won't really rest and will block your re-energising. And if this happens, you will stretch out your tired period and your energized period will never fully come about!
If you fully enjoy and respect your tired period, a period of acute energy will come through naturally. One day, maybe the next day or the next week, you will wake up and feel as if you could do one hundred things that day. And you actually might do it!
I know this because I have started living my life this way, or at least trying to. Some days I rise early, do all my house work before ten, take a walk, write like a maniac, prepare dinner before sunset, organize some cluttered drawer or closet, put new pictures up on the wall and wash all of Ms. Foo's toys.
And then some days I can't seem to open my eyes until...well, maybe I better not say. I can't seem to fathom preparing lunch for myself and tear into some leftover macaroni salad. I find a good movie on TV. I rest. I try not to feel guilty. It is a work in progress.
Most of us know how to do this. Whether the days are able to be random as they are for stay at home moms or whether they have to be on weekends or days off for people with outside jobs, we know how to say,
"I've worked hard. I deserve this". And we are couch potatoes for a day. But for many of us their is a little bitty scraping voice inside of us that says we are doing wrong. Try to get rid of that voice. Know that you could never be as productive as you are able to be without periods of straight, honest rest. Be happy in your laziness and that happiness will carry over into your productivity. Rest is as important as work. We have to learn to believe that.

Street Fighter

What do you do when your baby is hitting other people and other people's kids!!! She's only 11 months old, but she understands, boy.
If I say "no" and frown, she does it again, looking right at me! Then again. And then again. I try to show her to be gentle but it seems like she is physically incapable of being gentle right now.
I don't want to just let her go at it but it seems like she thinks me saying "no" is a game.
Or a challenge. (dom dom doooommm).
Just kidding.
Apparently the worst thing I can do is make a big deal about it. According to Pediatrician Karen Sadler from Children's Hospital Medical Center in Boston, Massachusetts, babies have a very natural desire to see and explore much more than their physical and verbal abilities will allow and this makes them frustrated. And they express this frustration in forms of hitting, biting and temper tantrums.
I believe that, as well as frustration, these things (except maybe the temper tantrum) could also be excitement. When she's playing with someone, sometimes she gets this wild look on her face as she takes a big breath and a tremor goes through her body. She breaks into a huge grin and it seems like her body can't contain it all so she just has to whack somebody!

Well, all explanations aside, it's still not good for my daughter to go around hitting her friends, and mine. But Sadler says that if the hitting receives a lot of attention, it will just get worse. I know this first hand as Ms. Foo just adds little yelps to the hits if I raise my voice. So, Sadler's advice is to say "no" once, remove the baby from the situation and go on to some other activity. It's fruitless to keep saying "no", get a hit, "no", hit, "no", hit.
And to remember that the behavior will usually improve as your child's verbal skills develop.
Whew.
Now, what about throwing cheerios on the floor and dumping milk out on the high chair tray? What is that an expression of?
Hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving!

Motrin

I hadn't seen the Motrin commercial. Had any of you? I just happened by it today on the Internet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mztymu72l7c

Watch it if you would like.

I think they could have gone about it differently.

The ad is about taking Motrin to deal with the pain of wearing your baby in a sling. I, personally, have never experienced an amount of pain sufficient enough to warrant taking a pain med, and I wear Ms. Foo all the time.
This doesn't mean others don't. So, sure, market the drug to us moms. Why not?
They could have said,
"Oh, la la la, it's so hard being a mom, lugging a stroller up and down stairs in the subway, carrying your baby around the house, wearing her in a baby Bjorn, running after her, changing her diaper while she squirms, getting a headache when she unloads an entire book shelf".
Wearing a baby is not the only part of mother hood that may cause you sore muscles.

Instead they demeaned us. Those of us who believe that "wearing" your child helps your her become more secure and independent. That she will cry less.
She does, cry less. Less than what? Less than I expected. She is at 11 months old, uncannily independent. She loves being in the sling. As soon as she sees it she starts bouncing up and down and reaching her arms up.
People ask me if my back hurts. It does sometimes. But that is because I've tied it on wrong. Or I've had her in it for a really long time.
Funny, though, I've never thought of taking Motrin.
Anyway, Motrin scoffed at the whole baby wearing thing. Making it seem like a fashion trend. A "supposedly great bonding experience".
You can imagine that this got a rise out of a lot of women. Motrin got tons of angry emails and I believe they canned the campaign.
Like I said, it was not a bad idea to market to moms. And they could have used sling wearing as one example among many areas of life with munchkin for the possible need of medicinal relief. But they did wrong when they targeted mamas who carry their babies in slings as martyrs who are buying in to the latest baby trend instead of women who want the best for their babies and are following the lead of women all over the world and since the beginning of time.

Love

Recently, a very dear friend of mine expressed (among the many worries in her daily life) that she was afraid she was not holding her 7 month old daughter enough.
That is a very rough, and very familiar feeling.
The mountains of things one has to do, the guilt while doing them that you are not giving your child enough attention, and then the guilt you feel when you do just settle down with your child for a while because you are not "getting anything done".
What do you do? You are never relaxed. Even relaxation is work because you are spending so much energy feeling guilty.
I shared with her that I go ahead and schedule in time to just be with my daughter. I say, "After I'm done with such and such, I'm going to sit on the bed with my daughter for exactly 30 minutes." This is a good time frame because she's usually sick of me by that time and we both feel refreshed.
I also referred her to this passage in one of my favorite books,
Whole Child, Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends

"Behold the child not as a burden or a body in need or a responsibility too great or a cherished possession, but as an expression of love. Behold yourself the same way, acknowledging that love is bearing you up and flowing through you unendingly. Then no matter what has to be done, allow yourself to be peaceful. Hold or don't hold the child, whichever seems most harmonious. But be very honest."

She also suggests that a baby may be restless or cranky as a direct result of our restlessness.

"...it tends to be very difficult in the early days of parenthood, when our lives are so suddenly different and we are worried about our ignorance as parents. We are constantly fretting mentally, so the child may continue to be restless."

I guess the idea is that if you are peaceful, no matter what you are doing, your baby will be peaceful as well. But it is very hard to be peaceful! Especially when it feels like you are doing everything wrong. And it seems like the baby is all right but as soon as you start some task, she cries to be picked up. So we get frustrated. Why can't I just do this one thing? Well, I discovered something which I know is nothing new but could be sometimes forgotten in the throes of day time chaos.
I just pick her up and hug her or dance around with her for a few minutes. Just one minute. One. And she's ready to get down and play alone and I can continue with what I was doing for a while, until she needs me again. She just needs to feel me for a while. And who doesn't want a few breaks while doing boring chores?
And this sure beats begging her to calm down or to wait, which she of course won't understand. And saves more time, believe it or not.
Ms. Berends has something to say about this as well.

"It will be suggested to you that the baby is manipulating you and that you are spoiling him. Don't believe it. If you start to believe a power struggle is going on, lose. He doesn't know anything about power struggles If you start a power struggle with him, even if you win, you lose. Especially if you win, you lose. Because in the process he will have learned that power struggle is. So just hang in there and seek a still and loving consciousness, this stillness of mind into which love pours itself. Let the problems fall away...let be."

This may sound like "easier said than done". It is actually much easier to get angry.
But it is a good school of thought to back to when we do feel we are about to go off the deep end. And isn't it worth a try instead of staying stuck in stress and maybe even resentment?
The school of thought that, whatever it is you are doing, even if you are busy, send your baby love, and the rest will fall into place.
Not easy, but straight forward and very, very effective.

The first niece

Little Aurora Therese
2:22 a.m this morning
7lbs, 13 oz

Today is a day for celebration!!!

Age Discrimination

I know you already know this but there is nothing like taking a baby to dinner at a restaurant. First of all, the host says
"3?' and you say
"2 and a high chair" pause.
"Oh" he says flatly. Then he looks around. Looks at you.
"Oh, you have a stroller" then he sighs. "You have fold it up". So, while we are scrambling to take everything out of the stroller, you look up as he is silently arguing with a waiter who does not want you in his section.
As a former restaurant worker, I know that many waiters hate tables with kids. They hate having to run around heating up bottles, asking the kitchen to steam carrots, listen to crying, and most of the time getting a lousy tip.
It has turned into a stigma.

The bus boys aren't too happy either because the floor always gets littered with rice and torn napkins. As it were, Ms. Foo threw chicken, pizza crust, spoons, and cereal puffs on the floor last night. (I picked them up)

I understand. I do. But there is a secret I know. Pass it on.
If you take really good care of a table with kids. If you make the kids happy, get their food out right away, give them something special,
THEIR PARENTS WILL MOST LIKELY GIVE YOU A BIG FAT TIP.
Ok, sometimes they won't, but more often than not, they will.
All they want to do is have a nice dinner and if you get pouty and roll your eyes every time they make a special request and don't try to make things fun, then they will just be insulted, stressed and eventually angry.

Anyway, I'm probably preaching to the choir here. We usually do ok because Ms. Foo is still little and at the cheek pinching stage. But we still don't get treated so well most of the time. Like we are a whole lot of trouble. There is a lot of sighing and toe tapping and pursed lips.
And we don't even ask for anything special!

I will say one thing. Our waiter at the very busy restaurant last night warned us against giving their bar juices to the baby, smiled, was fast, and never made us feel rushed.
So, that was nice.

It's like airplanes. Some people get to their seat, take one look at you and feel like the universe has cursed them.
One man told me, after making a stinky sock face,
"I hate to tell you this, but I've been sick".
"That's ok" I said, "She doesn't get sick" even though she does, I just knew he was hoping I would move. I started telling him the story about how when she was first born and her dad, my mother and I all got the flu and she did not. He put in his earphones and opened a magazine.

On the flight back the guy looked at us and shook his head. I had to stifle a laugh when Ms. Foo took a big fat stinky poo right next to him.

But then there was the lady who talked to me the whole flight about her kids and breast feeding and how cool it is when they get older and how quiet Ms. Foo was and not to worry if I had to change her or feed her and could she help with anything?

I guess you just have to have kids to understand.

What you've got coming to ya

I recently asked a good friend of mine how she was dealing with the dreaded "Terrible Twos". Thank you to her for this HILARIOUS response.

"The terrible twos are terrible, but somehow you just get through them. You will have those times when you walk in a nice boutique makeup store, and your child is climbing on the furniture and then jumping off of it while mommy is nervously trying to pay for her stuff and get out. There will be the occasional moment where your in line, almost done, can't leave, but your little one needs the potty. "Hold on," you say, "Mommy's almost done." Then you learn at the same moment his shorts become darker, a stream of liquid running down his leg, a puddle growing under the basket for all shoppers to gaze upon with disgust, that you will never, ever, EVER EVER EVER EVER again ask him to hold on while you finish paying. Paying can always wait. Or the time a person walks by, rather manly in appearance but clearly a woman (only an adult could recognize) when your child asks, "Who's that, mom?!"
"The cleaning lady," mom replies - To which your puzzled two-year-old states in a matter-of-fact tone, "That's not a lady, SILLY, that's a MAN!" It never ends. Did I mention the time period right after I had my second baby, still traumatized, exhausted and recovering from childbirth when my early riser son woke up, found some bath oil, proceeded to pour the ENTIRE bottle all over our bedroom and TILE floor, which I didn't see when I woke up and, on my way to the bathroom SLIPPED and FELL on my butt! Not to mention all the scrubbing to get out the oil stains. I was not very happy that morning."

Ahhh, I have so much to look forward to!

Anxiety Dreams

In our dreams, we always seem to send our babies way into the future without giving them the time to grow up.
Before my baby was born, I would dream that I would bring her home from the hospital and call everyone in to look at her, amazed that she was talking already. Then the dream would switch and she would be crawling around and I would be saying,
"Isn't it incredible? She' s only three days old and she's already crawling!"

Now, she's starting to stand up unassisted for about ten seconds at a time and flirting with the idea of getting he self off of the bed.
(Our bed is very low, so she can actually scoot herself off backwards if I place her in the right position). So, a few nights ago I dreamt that she was getting off the bed and walking around and that I was thrilled at her ability to walk so early and so suddenly without any assistance from me.

I sent a video of my daughter trying to stand and falling over to my sister, who is studying film making and is currently working on a movie set for school. The next day she reported this dream:

Since Ms. Foo was starting to learn to walk, they wanted to give her a job doing sound on her movie set. But she kept falling over so they had to prop her up with the corner of the wall and the boom mic. (What's a boom mic?)

I have always heard of people having dreams like this about their babies, we are all so anxious to see them grow and learn and do all kinds of amazing stuff. But we are also anxious about them changing from babies to kids.
Babies being so sweet and adoring and kids being ones for testing limits and throwing tantrums and turning into teenagers.
I think we are afraid we won't know how to handle it.
I am, anyway. I guess I can't speak for anyone else.
Maybe that's why we dream like this. A combination of excitement and a hidden desire for babies to stay babies while becoming fully functional beings.

Mmmm Milk Shakes

Let's, for the sake of this blog, measure energy in terms of banana milk shakes.
Think about this. If it takes 3 banana milk shakes to clean the bathroom and mop the floor, then it takes 6 banana milk shakes to do it with a baby.
Whether you put her in a sling, leave her napping, or put her in a swing or walker, it is going to take you twice as many banana milk shakes to get the job done.
If she's in a sling, well, you have extra cumbersome weight on your body while your trying to scour the bathtub.
If she's napping your trying to scrub the toilet bowl at lightning speed so you won't have to go attend to her with clorox all over your hands when she wakes up.
And lastly, she will only tolerate a walker or swing for about ten minutes. Then you have to think of something else.

If it takes 1 banana milk shake to put your groceries away, it takes 3 if you are trying to do it while holding munchkin. Your back hurts, it takes forever to get up once you've bent to fill the vegetable bin. And it's really hard to make room in the freezer with just one hand.
Speaking of groceries. Grocery shopping? That takes about ten banana milkshakes. If you take the stroller, where do you put it so you can use a shopping cart? (I'm talking about those of us without a car.) You balance a small basket on top of the stroller and put heavy items under the stroller, hoping no one thinks you are stealing. Plus, I bet she's going to want to get out of the stroller at some point so you are maneuvering and shopping with one hand.
Oh, oh! Ever tried to empty a shopping cart (or grocery filled stroller) with either one hand, a crying baby or just running back and forth from the stroller to the check out lane because the stroller doesn't fit.
It's really fun.
Or, you could take her in the sling so you can use a shopping cart but, with no stroller, how are you going to carry all your groceries home? (Again, if you have a car, this is a moot point. But cars bring on their own work outs).

Anyway, I always break a sweat at the grocery store.

Thinking about and making lunch takes a lot of milk shakes as well. Also usually done with one hand, sometimes you have to settle for peanut butter and jelly when what you really want is grilled Turkey and Swiss with sliced tomato. And it's difficult, what with baby sticking her hand in the peanut butter and all.

Everything done with a baby in tow takes twice as many banana milk shakes as it would alone.
Because a baby is a joy and we signed up for this, my advice to you is this:

Drink a lot of banana milk shakes. They are easy to make with one hand and fill you up and give you tons of energy.
If you like you can add strawberries, or chocolate or peanut butter.
If you are really courageous, why not a raw egg? (Well, why not?) You will have more time to attack other one handed tasks and not be all hungry and grouchy.
Yay!

Bath Tip

One of the challenges of life with new born baby is
BATH TIME!!!

In the beginning, it's just sponge baths until the umbilical chord falls off. Then, you bathe them in your room where it's warm in their little bath tub.

But there comes a time when you find it would be less time consuming to bathe them with you.

Sometimes you don't have time to set up the whole bath station in your room and then break it down.

So, here is how you do it.
Thanks again to my good friend Thresa who has answered and calmed many of my panicky phone calls.

"How do I bathe my babaaayyyyy!"

Deep breath.

This is only recommended for babies who are not yet mobile.
Put a towel on the floor. Put your baby on the towel.
Take a shower.
Dry off, get out, run a bath and undress your baby.
Sit down in the bathtub holding your baby.
Put a wet wash cloth on your chest.
Lie your baby down on your chest, the wash cloth will prevent slipping.
Bathe her.
Very carefully, stand up and wrap her in a towel. Place her on the towel on the floor again. Get out, put on your robe, pick up your baby, and your done!
Simple, but sweet.
If you don't feel comfortable putting your baby on the floor, try this:
If you have a swing or infant car seat, put a towel on the car seat and then your baby on top of the towel.
It is still possible to strap her in this way.
Then when you take her out of the bath, you can place her directly on her towel and wrap her up in it while you get dressed.
Again, only for none mobile babies!
Bye!

Exploding Peas

While making two new foods for the baby, I came across some very silly setbacks.

The first had to do with sweet rice, which Ms. Foo did not like incidentally. I wonder why? Who doesn't like sweet rice!

I tried a store bought version first and ended up eating it myself.
Last Sunday, I decided to try and make some for breakfast. I looked up a recipe on the Internet and found that you can make it with
"Last nights left over rice!" I thought, Great! I have left over rice from last night!
It actually came out perfectly, or so I thought. It smelled good, the consistency seemed right, and then I tasted it.
I wanted to throw up. Why did it tasted like that?
Ohhhhh, I'm so dumb. Last night's white rice had garlic, oil and onions in it. Yummy, yummy.
So I started cooking some rice to try again. La dee da, everything going well, I know how to cook plain rice, easy huh?
Nope. I covered it, lowered the heat and proceeded to burn the darling rice.
Forget it.

Then there was the split pea soup, which she loved. I stewed all the ingredients together and then poured half in the blender. (There was too much to fit in all at once). I held the lid on tight and turned it on.
PLAH!!!! All over the wall, my roommate's bananas, my strong cloth shopping bag, the table cloth, the trash bag box. ME! I screamed because it was hot and burned my arm. My husband and I cleaned it up and I tried again.
PLAH!!!
Oh, dear. I remembered this happened the last time I made this soup. It must be something to do with the heat or the consistency or something. Anyway, I finally got it to work and served it up with bread and grilled chicken and it was great. Ms. Foo lapped it up. And the next day I was still finding soup on the side of the cabinet.

Here are the recipes if you want to try them.

The sweet rice is a link since I still don't know how to make it.

Split Pea Soup
Special thanks to Marian for this recipe

1 lb of dried split peas
3 potatoes
1 zucchini
1 carrot
1 clove of garlic
1/4 sliced onion
salt to taste. I also use chicken bouillon, of course this is optional as well as the garlic and onion depending on if you give your baby these things.

• Bring peas to a boil in a large pot. Cook until peas are almost tender and water is starting to turn green.
• Cut potatoes, zucchini and carrots into small pieces and add to boiling water. Small pieces are suggested so they will cook faster.
• Add onion, garlic and salt.
• Cook until all veggies are very soft.
• Put soup in blender, hold down lid with a brick. (Just kidding).
  
• Blend. Your done! And it's so delicious.

Arroz con Leche

http://mexicanfood.about.com/od/sweetsanddesserts/r/arrozconleche.htm

Flying

Imagine you are on an airplane. Seat belt on.
Now imagine that you are a person who is not scared of anything. That you trust that every situation that you are put in is a safe one.
Next, imagine that you have no cares in the world. That where you go and what you do is of no consequence to you.
Have you got it?
Ok.
Forget, for the sake of imagination, about air pressure and velocity and all that mumbo jumbo. Just imagine that the plane falls away from you. No other seats, no walls, no tray tables, no flight attendants, not even a bathroom. Just you and a mysterious, unseen pilot. You look over the edge of your seat. You put your hands out in front of you. You are flying.
But you are safe. Strapped into your seat, completely trusting, completely carefree.
Exhilarating, isn't it?
That's how I feel my daughter feels when we are going down the street with her stroller. She doesn't have any kind barrier in front of her like in her big stroller, she's just buckled in.
She does the same thing I described above. She sticks her hands out in front of her and looks at the ground zipping by beneath her. She waves her arms up and down and squeals. No fear, no questions.
It looks like so much fun, I wish I could do it myself.

Horror Stories

There is always something unexpected and it almost always has to do with poo (not pooh) so it's better to always be prepared.
Never assume you know the rhythm of your baby's intestines.
Never go anywhere without a diaper.
I promise you, even if you never have a poo situation out of the house, the day you decide to go for a quick trip without a diaper,
YOU WILL REGRET IT.
Take, for example, the case of the Two Size Tighty. Ms. Foo and I were off to the park for an hour or so of playing.
When I got there, I saw two friends and went and sat with them.
Now, I should have known better. Because it had been a few days since her last...you know, but I said
"Oh, I'm just going to the park! I'm not taking anything!" and frolicked out of the house like a fool.
And then, it happened.
"Oh no!" I said to my friend with a baby the same age as Ms. Foo, "Can I borrow a diaper?" She looked at me with a strange look on her face.
"Uhhh," she said, "since I was just coming to the park for a half hour and Yvanna already, you know, so, I didn't bring anything!"
My other friend and I looked at each other. Her baby was only one month old. It was our only choice.
I changed Ms. Foo in her stroller and strapped on the tiny diaper. It was quite a sight. But it worked.
Then there is the story of The Roller
It is about a woman (who happens to be my aunt) who, before she had kids, told my mother that she absolutely WOULD NOT baby sit for her if it included taking care of a baby still in diapers.
At the time, my mother had my sister and I (5 and 3) and my brother, who was still in diapers.
There was some kind of emergency and my aunt was the only person available to baby sit.
"Don't worry!" said my mother, "he has already pooed today! He won't again! It's only for an hour, you won't have to change any dirty diapers! Please!"
Well, she agreed. And my brother decided to have diarrhea that day. Majorly.
And, to make matters worse, while my aunt had him on a bed, with his diaper open, my brother decided to roll and roll and roll and roll.
All over the bed.
My mother found my aunt in tears.
"Never again!" she cried, "Never again!"
So. The moral of these stories are,
Never assume and always be prepared.

Acrobats

So, lately I have been dealing with twiddling.
What is twiddling? A baby grabbing your nose, chin, cheek, pinching you, while nursing. She also likes to nurse in different positions like upside down or standing up. I'm not joking! Sometimes she actually stands up while she is nursing!
While most of the time this is ok, sometimes funny, there are times when she scratches and bites. Pinching doesn't feel too good either.
Apparently, according to "kelly" at http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/nursing-manners.html
this behavior is completely normal. That your baby is exploring all the things she can do while nursing. She calls it "twiddling" and "acrobatic nursing".
She also says that, although the behavior is normal, it doesn't mean you can not teach your child otherwise or distract her with something else.
One idea that I really liked was putting a "nursing necklace" or bright scarf around your neck while nursing. A tough string or necklace for your baby to grab instead of your nose. Grabbing the nose itself isn't so bad, but it always leads to a very sharp scratch down the upper lip or chin.
She also suggests giving your baby a toy or blanket to hold, or to hold your baby's hand.
I, myself, have tried holding her hand and it works for a while but she seems to get very hyper sometimes while she is nursing and holding her hand seems to restrict her somehow, like she has too much energy. She starts waving my hand around like crazy.
"Kelly" also has a lot of great tips for parents of nursing toddlers, ways to explain why acrobatic nursing in public is not a good idea and that "it's hard to nurse when you are wiggly, why don't we go play and get the wiggles out and then we can nurse again?"
One thing I have not found an answer for is outside distractions. When my daughter was brand new, all she wanted to do was nurse. But as she got older, she started to find other things more interesting. Any little noise and she will stop nursing and sit up, whether it's a loud boom on the TV, the phone ringing, or the little boy next door calling for his mother.
Any ideas?

It's allright

It's funny how a baby depends on you to gauge their emotional responses to some things. There are, of course, a few things that they are sure about like loud noises and hunger, you leaving, them falling. But sometimes, something will happen, and the baby will look right at you to see if you are upset or smiling.
Like when Elmo, (now my daughter's good friend) was going into one of his convulsions and threatened to fall off the bed, I screamed a little, all in good fun and my daughter looked at me with a twisted, worried expression but as soon as I smiled at her, she was ok.
Other times, when her dad and I are horsing around and I yell at him to stop pulling at my toe or something, she looks over at me to see if I am really in distress. If I smile, she smiles too. But for a birthday I had recently, someone shoved my face into my cake. I laughed but not right away. I screamed.
Ms. Foo got scared and would not stop whimpering until I looked at her and smiled, nodding my head, saying, "It's ok, it's ok".
Once, I was baby sitting for a little boy under a year old and we got on an elevator. A strange guy started talking to him. Before this, every person who wanted to talk to him was usually a friend or family member and I always smiled at him encouragingly and nodded my head. This time, he looked right at me and I, without thinking, just shrugged. The baby immediately started crying. I'm sure that if I had smiled like I always had before, he would not have gotten scared.

This works too when I'm telling her not to do something like shoving my sandal in her mouth. I see her pick it up and it goes straight to her mouth.
"NO!" I say, very sternly and when she looks at me I knit my eyebrows and turn my mouth down.
Then she gives me the sweetest, cutest, funniest smile she has. I keep my face scrunched up. Probably more so than before just to keep from laughing.
Then her smile wears off. She puts the shoe to one side.
I break into a smile and nod my head. She smiles and picks up the shoe.
Back to the frown.
She puts it down, I smile.
And guess what, she doesn't put the shoe in her mouth any more! Well, not nearly as much as she used to.
Maybe she doesn't understand words to well yet, but she definitely knows the difference between an ok situation and a not so ok one, and all from the expression on my face!

Light Bulbs

It seemed like it all happened in one day! For months and months, I have been putting the phone to her ear so she could here her grandmother's voice, or her auntie's, or her dad while he's at work and she would always just stare at it, completely mystified.
Then one day, she picked up the phone and put it to my ear.
"Hello?" I said. Then she put the phone to her hear and made some "hello" like inflections with her voice.
So I called my mother. Ms. Foo had a two minute babble conversation with her. Now, all she wants to do is put the phone to my hear then to hers, then to mine, then to hers.

That same day, she started patting my hand herself at the end of patty cake instead of me taking her little hand and patting mine with it.

She used to cry a little and crawl over to the closed door when her little friend would go home. Now she cries a little and looks underneath the door!

And then, after months of being in the sling while I do dishes and hanging around while I run the swiffer over my dustable surfaces, Ms. Foo grabbed a sock (twice in one day, so I knew it was not a fluke) and started rubbing it on a book that was on a bed and later on a plastic bowl that was on the floor.

How is it that one day, she just stares and smiles and the next, everything seems to suddenly make sense to her?
Like somebody turned a switch on.
She understands what things are for, where people go when she cannot see them anymore. What comes at the end of the song.
Now she claps when there is applause on the television, even if she doesn't see the people actually clapping.
She laughs at nothing.
She laughs at everything. She breathes in dramatically as if she just cannot contain it all. All this wonder.

Decisions, Decisions

This is my first Halloween with a baby. I spent more time than I should have perusing around town and around the internet for a costume for her. I thought of a lady bug, a chili pepper, a penguin, and a kitty.
Then I went to an early Halloween party. Most of the kids did not arrive in costume but changed into them upon arrival. I did not have Ms. Foo's costume yet but what I saw at the party made me nix it all together.
The older kids, 7 and up, were ok, thrilled, actually to be in costume. And the baby who was 8 weeks old seemed perfectly content in her little Pumpkin Sack costume. But then there were the toddlers. 6 months, 8 months, 18 months, 2 years old. They screamed and cried, pulled at the duck head piece before mom could get it on, or mooed in their cow costume for two minutes then wanted it off, tearing at the neck, whining, jumping up and down.
They were hot, uncomfortable and unhappy.
I was glad I had decided just to paint Ms. Foo's face.
Easy, right?
Ha! Surely you jest!
I had planned on a full out tiger striped, whiskered, red-nosed, freckled little kitty face.
I was only able to accomplish two overly thick, squiggly black whiskers on each cheek and a smeared red nose that creeped off to the sides and three red dots on each cheek.
Every time I put the make-up brush close to her face, she thought I was giving her something to eat and kept following it with her mouth.
When I put it to her cheek, she turned the other way. But I finally got something on.
She looked so cute! She even laughed at herself in the mirror!
Then I put on her coat and strapped her into her stroller.
Off to the subway. When we finally got settled in, I lifted to cold-protection plastic cover and looked at her.
The sides of her winter coat and hat were full of black and red paint and her face just looked, well, dirty. Like she had been playing in the mud.
I laughed.
I love Halloween!

Ground Patrole

You know, babies are supposedly too small to make much sense out of anything. They don't understand the concept of "No", the concept of sharing, the idea that you leaving the room doesn't mean you are gone forever.
So why is it that they understand perfectly that they should wait until you are not looking to touch or eat something they know you would not approve of?
How do they know which things you will be ok with and which things you will take away?

My daughter was sitting in my aunt's lap and she gave her a leaf to play with. She thoughtfully turned it over and over in her hand, pulling at the stem and flesh. My aunt yawned and turned to look at something. When she turned back, my daughter had the leaf in her mouth.

She plays quietly with her toys while I am sitting with her but as soon as I decide to dust the chest of drawers, she's suddenly into the stacks of toilet paper in the closet.

And this is scary! It's not that I mind pulling her away from the closet or trash can, it's that, even though she knows which things I probably won't let her have, she doesn't know which ones are really dangerous, like outlets and clorox.

We all know that babies put all kinds of strange things in their mouths and that they get into EVERYTHING, but we don't (at least I don't) always realize what that really consists of.
We know without having to think about it that chicken poop and ashes are yucky and we wouldn't dream of eating them but babies will!
My husband, visiting his grandparent's ranch while still crawling, was found under the chicken coop eating...you guessed it.
And a couple I know left an ashtray in a low place and before they knew it their baby daughter was sitting in front of it stuffing cigarette butts in her mouth.
(Shall we even get in to smoking in the house with a baby to begin with? That's another blog for another day).
So, it's always the stuff that for us is common knowledge.
We know to keep safety pins and knives out of reach but sometimes forget about our sandals in the front hallway or the dustpan in the laundry room.
And it's always when I'm not looking.
Being a parent is like being a watch man without a changing of the guard.

Rain

When I was a child, a teenager, even a few years ago, I loved being caught in the rain. Sometimes I would even go outside for the soul purpose of standing in it.
It made me feel close to something. A Greater Being, the Universe, the rain itself. It exhilarated me, made me feel free and solid.
The other day, it was raining. It has been raining for the past three days.
"You know," I said to my husband, "I used to love to run around in the rain".
"Why don't you anymore?" he asked.
Hm. Why don't I anymore?
The answer is simple:
It's not freeing anymore. It's worrisome. Before, I only had to worry about myself. Myself getting soaking wet, feeling cold wind, possibly getting sick. But, guess what? Now I have a baby and having her experiencing those same things does not sound like any kind of fun for anybody. And most of the time, it's just me and her. I can't leave her in the house while I dance in the rain like a loony. And even if I could, say if I left her with my husband, do I really have time to deal with sopping wet clothes and hair when there is her bath to think about, the dishes, nursing? I barely have time to fit in everything I have to do as it is!
I have no time for rain dancing!
Sigh
A friend of mine sent me a message once, saying that she had realized that she had become a full on mom and had forgotten her self. Her self who was a person, not just a mom and wife.
It has happened to me now.
Not that I mind. I love it. If I had to choose, if someone said,
"You can never dance in the rain again if you choose to live for the rest of your life with someone you love and who loves you back and you get to raise cool kids together," I would say,
"OK, no problem".
But, when my husband asked me that question, I felt like a mule. Like before I had been a dolphin swimming and now I was molasses.
You know what though?
Think of it this way. I am 26 years old. Even if I have more kids, some day, they will all be able to take care of themselves. And we will be alone. And we will miss our children.
I will be able to take a solitary walk in the rain again, but I will never be able to hold my daughter at ten months old again.
Squeeze her to my chest. Feel her wispy hair on my cheek. She will grow and it will be forever.
Even though, sometimes I feel buried.
But I am doing it to my self. The same stuff I am burying myself in is really there to be reveled in.
And so I will. Revel.
The rain will be waiting.

Moon Child

Yesterday, while reading a book called "Whole Child, Whole Parent" I came across a beautiful passage which I would like to share with you.

"As far as I know, all children are moon-struck. Even in the city where the lights blink and blaze insistingly, where the sky is often only a straight-up chimney patch, even in the daytime, if the moon is out-just a pale, pale sliver moon- the child will find it at once.
'Oh look, there's the moon!' Is the friendship between this round, clear wonder whose hand holds mine and the one in the sky (both with their whispers of faces) founded on a deep, inborn awareness of true calling? Does he already know, can he still remember, that the beauty and happiness of his whole life are to reflect a greater light? Does he already suspect that the darkness lies only in the shadow of turning away from the light in whom there is no shadow of turning? Does he already guess that in standing under (understanding) the light there is no shadow to be cast? See how he already casts about in the darkness for the light! This moonchild of mine keeps on reminding me that I must be moon for him as he is one to me."

When I was a child, I would watch the moon out the car window and marvel ed that it could move so fast as to keep up with us. I asked my mother about this. She said,
"The moon is not following us. It is just so big, that we can never pass it."

Zora Neal Hurston wrote a short story about her relationship with the moon.
One night, as a small child, she was out in a field. As she ran, she saw that the moon followed her wherever she went. She thought, the moon must love her. Must be her special friend. And she went out every night to play with the moon.
Until one night when she bumped into another child running alone in the field.
"What are you doing?" the author asked.
"I'm playing with the moon" was the answer.
"No you are not! I'm playing with the moon!" and so on and so on. Eventually they came upon other children who also believed they were the moon's special playmate. They soon found that the moon followed all of them. And they ran around the field, shrieking with joy. Chasing the moon, chasing each other.

Once, while I was still waiting for my baby, I called my mother on the phone. She lives across the country. It was nighttime and I was outside. I commented on the brightness and beauty of the full moon that was in the sky that night. She went outside and looked at the moon.
"Oh my goodness!" said my sentimental mother, "We are looking at the same moon!" and she had tears in her voice.
Of course I teased her about this, but it touched me too.

I see the moon and the moon sees me-
over the mountain, over the sea.
Please let the light that shines on me,
shine on the one I love.

Blob Blog

She's gotten in the habit of PINCHING me while she is nursing and falling asleep. It was cute when she used to hold on to my nose, but now she grabs onto a hand full of skin and tries to rip it off.
It's not funny.
She loves the computer. She loves the cell phone. When I'm on the computer, I give her the cell phone. She actually TOSSES it aside and comes back to the computer.
At dinner, she takes three bites and then pushes the spoon away. It's not that she's not hungry, she just wants snacks instead.
No snacks. No food? No snacks. Wait a little while, she'll eat the food.
I think this is a definitive point. It's either spoiled or not from here on out.
Wish me luck!

Chicken Pox

Someone asked me why I let them put so many vaccines in my baby. That when we were kids, it was just a few and now, every time they go in, there are four shots, two in each leg.
I don't remember what it was like when I was a kid. But a lot of people now are against immunizations.
One of the big ones is the vaccine for chicken pox. A friend of mine told me that there were two reported deaths from the chicken pox vaccine last year and none from the actual virus.
When I mentioned the vaccine to a family member and voiced my opinion that it seemed unnecessary because the chicken pox are not life-threatening in children, he said,
"yeah, but it's inconvenient".
Inconvenient.
Two days ago, I went to the pediatrician for a check up for Ms. Foo. He mentioned that on her next visit she would be getting immunized for measles, mumps and rubella and also for the chicken pox. I decided to ask him why a vaccine for chicken pox had come about.
This is what he said:
When kids get chicken pox, they miss school and parents miss work. We are trying to eliminate the amount of missed days.
Also, when children get chicken pox, they are immune to it for the rest of their lives. But if they do not get it, when they are adults, the chicken pox could be contracted in the form of shingles and this is much more dangerous.
Now, it is less likely for your daughter to contract chicken pox as a child, since everyone is being immunized against it. If you do not immunize her, she might get it as an adult.

So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here. I have never really gone to either side when it comes to immunizations. I just did it because that is what you do. I got immunized and have never suffered for it but never liked the idea of the large amount of vaccines with their chemicals and toxins that are now being injected into our children. But then I get scared to not give them because of the what if's.
However I felt I had to draw the line at chicken pox. But now, I can't, because she won't get it as a child. She'll have no one to get it from. And I'll put her at risk as an adult.
We've created more of a problem here. Missed days? Was that really the reason?
What's next, a vaccine against the common cold? Headaches? I know! A vaccine for sneezing!
And you know what? YOU CAN STILL GET SHINGLES EVEN IF YOU ARE IMMUNE TO CHICKEN POX! I know this for a fact as another family member of mine who actually gave ME the chicken pox as a child recently suffered from a (thankfully) mild bout of the shingles.
So what's the point? I understand polio, I understand the meningitis and the rubella, but chicken pox?
And now I can't even make a real choice about it?
Sigh
I don't even know why I'm talking about it.

P.S. Guess what I just read. There are studies showing that the vaccine wears off so every 5 years or so the kids have to get a booster shot, whereas before the vaccine was believed to offer lifetime protection. I feel like we are just trying to patch a leak with scotch tape here! Here is the link I got this from.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/179426/chicken_pox_vaccine_wares_off.html?cat=5

Peter Pan

It's late. The lights are off, the lamp is lit. She crawls from one end of the bed to the other. Like she's a kitten stalking a ball of yarn. She gets to the wall and pulls herself up. She starts banging on it.
Strange. She usually goes for the dresser with its bottles and combs; the window with its blinds and cords. Why the plain wall?
She moves her head from side to side, she bends her knees and then pops back up. She hits the wall again, first with one hand, then with the other. She laughs.
"Look," says her dad, "she's playing with her shadow."

Naivety

I'm not an expert. I've never raised a child before. But I can't help thinking that a few things are wrong, even though it seems that everybody does them.
Like, when your baby is crying, it doesn't seem useful or positive to put them in front of the mirror and say,
"See how you look, crying like that?"
Or when you are around other children and your child is agitated and the other child is calm, to say,
"Look how nice and sweet so-and-so is. Not like you, cranky and mean!"
Or worse, when you already have a child and have another one. Of course the older child is going to have more "behavioral lapses" than the new born baby. When this happens, you say,
"Oh, the new baby is so nice and quiet. Not a cry baby like you."

Whether you find it hard to believe or not, being around more and more parents, I find that many use these tactics to try and get their kids to behave.

Why? What does it accomplish? Making your baby ashamed of his emotions? Learning that he is less desirable than the world's other children? Than your other children?

You may think it is not a big deal. That it is a normal thing that everyone does.

It may be common but I do not believe it is normal.

At the risk of sounding like I am trying to save all the world's problems, I will say that perhaps many of the pains that we inflict on ourselves as adolescents and adults stem from these "normal" things our parents said to us as children.
Not that they did it to hurt us. They heard it from their parents too, and it seems to be effective in the moment.
When my neighbor says something like this to his son, his son is quiet. But is anyone looking at his face? He is ashamed. He is embarrassed. He knows now that his father prefers his brother to him. So he soon begins to jump all over him, begging his dad to play with him. His dad shoves him off. He's watching TV. He's in the way.
I don't know. My baby doesn't misbehave yet in a way that requires disciplinary action. Will I resort to these phrases? Will I tell her she is a bad girl? That she is bothering me? That she is in my way?
I was told these things as a child. They stay in my mind. They don't cause me night mares or panic attacks but they effect how I act when meeting new people. When starting a new job. I don't want to bother any body. Don't want to make any body mad.
Again, this is a subject I'll have to revisit later.
And maybe it sounds trivial.
But this is only because everyone does it. And it's easy.
It's harder to focus your attention away from whatever you are doing and think of a constructive way to deal with your child.
Or help them. They don't know very much. They need help, not to be "dealt with". They are not criminals.
They only want our attention. Or something tangible like food or sleep. (Is sleep tangible?). How hard is it to find out?
How easy is it to throw an insult their way. And again, make them more worried about whether or not you are happy with them than if they are happy with themselves.
Think about yourself. What you think about yourself. Then think about all the things we tell our children to get them to behave in the moment. Think about what you were told as a child. Do any of them correspond with your current feelings about yourself?
Once again, you may say, "Big deal, poor you, I'm playing the world's smallest violin." But, just think about it tonight when you go to bed. Watch, listen, and think about it later.

Graduation Recipes

At around 9 months of age, you may be starting to transition your baby from purees to chunkier food.
At dinner time, you may sometimes find yourself at a loss. She is still too small to eat what you made for dinner if you made steak or burgers or chicken stir fry or spicy tomato sauce. But making a special meal for her now is a little more complicated than just boiling and blending a sweet potato.

So, what is the solution?

Here are a few recipes that are baby safe and friendly and still delicious for the adults at the table:

Teeny Pasta Soup

• Place 3 tomatoes, 1/4 of an onion, and one clove of garlic with 1 cup of water in the blender. Liquefy.
• In a large pot, toast some small pasta. Use stars or "pumpkin seed pasta". That's exactly what it's called. They look like little seeds. Use about half a pound. Toast it in some oil until it starts to brown.
• Add the tomato puree you just blended to the pasta.
• Add two cups of chicken broth.
• Bring to a boil and cook until pasta is soft.
• Salt to taste if you wish.

With Chicken

• Boil a chicken breast
• Cool and shred
• Saute the shredded chicken with the pasta while it is still toasting.
• Add tomato sauce. Follow the rest of the above recipe.

If you don't want to add chicken, this is a great side soup for a main course of grilled chicken or steak or anything else you might want for dinner that night.

Beef Stew

• Make your tomato puree in the blender again
• Cut three potatoes into small cubes
• Slice 2 or 3 carrots
• Slice half an onion
• Slice 2 stalks of celery
• Cut 3 ears of corn in half
• Saute the potatoes and carrots in a large pot for about 7 minutes
• Add the stew meat
• When the meat has some color, add the onions, celery and corn. Add a smidgen of water Cover.
• After about 7 minutes, add the tomato puree with two cups of chicken broth. Bring to a boil. Let simmer for about an hour.

If you like cilantro, it adds a marvelous touch to both or these recipes. Just add it near the end.

P.S. Rice and beans are a perfect meal for your little one, or even rice by itself if you happen to be having that.
Or you could add some avocado to the beans or rice if you'd like.

Elmo

Tickle Me Elmo scared the noodles out of my daughter. It was given to her as a gift and we were all sure it would crack her up. And then the moment came. Elmo was placed in front of her and turned on.
It even scared me. As he laughs, he falls over violently and then back, in Frankenstein-like, jerky motions, kicking his legs and laughing in a voice that sounds like it's coming from a drive-thru speaker.
My daughter opened her eyes wide and reared back, making a sound that was not quite a cry. It was more like a hee-haw. Seriously. Then she started crying and clawing at the air behind but could not seem to take her terror stricken eyes off of Mr. Elmo.
We tried again.
This time, Elmo fell over onto her legs. He falls hard! And this completely un-did her.
Every time he moves, you can hear gears grinding and his feet are really heavy so they make a very loud knocking sound when they are kicked against the floor. He's not very lovable.
Poor thing.
We haven't turned it on in weeks. Sometimes she crawls over to him and touches an eyeball tentatively. When she sees he's not going to move, she knocks him over and crawls away.
As if she's saying, "Ha! That'll show 'em!"

Goodies

Who wants their kids eating buckets of candy in a few weeks? Raise your hand.

Who wants their kids to miss out on all the fun? Raise your hand.

That's what I thought. This is a dilemma many of us are facing so I would like to share with you an idea from an expert.

Thresa has two little boys, Kaleb, 4 and Jude, 3. Last Halloween, Thresa went out and bought fun, inexpensive toys like yo-yos, puzzles, play dough, finger paints, and bubbles. She also purchased sugar free treats that she knew her boys like, such as sugar free pudding, Popsicles and yogurt. Then she put a candy price tag on each item. She told Kaleb (Jude didn't really get it yet) that if he wanted, say, a yo-yo, he had to give up 5 pieces of candy. Something like a monster truck might yield a higher price of 10 pieces of candy.
You could tailor your prizes to your child of course.
Thresa found that her 4-year-old eventually gave up most of his candy in exchange for toys and, after she explained that candy is not healthy for our bodies, gave up the rest for healthier snacks.
Healthy bodies is a talk Thresa has often with her boys which may be why this was so utterly successful for her but I believe that even those of us who have never once had this talk with our children can benefit from this little bartering system.
Now, what to do with all the candy? We certainly should not eat it ourselves! Although we may be tempted to stash in the closet or on top of the fridge in a non see through bag, why don't you take it to work or give it to someone to do so? Place it in a big bowl on a counter or desk. There are usually so many people in a work place that if everyone takes two, it will be gone in a day or two and everyone's happy, healthy and CALM. For the most part, anyway.
And you don't have to spend tons of cash. Hit the dollar store for your treats and you'll get more for your money.
Thank you, Thresa!
By the way, I don't think there's any harm in stashing a few pieces of candy, do you?

RE: The Belly

This is a response I got from my good friend in California to last weeks blog about Belly Fat.

"I also hate the magazines that praise mothers for getting their baby weight off.
Thank you main stream media for glorifying great moms, or good parenting, or spending time with your kids, or sacrifice...no, instead your greatness is identified only by your size two body being back. Thank God we can look at you again, because that extra weight...it was unbearable.
uhhhh.."

I got so many great responses from all of you concerning this topic! Thank you all for your support!

P.S. Ms. Foo is waving, clapping, starting to high five, dancing to music, imitating her dad when he burps, and laughing her behind off all the time.

I LOVE MS. FOO!!!

And I love all of you, too.

Don't forget!

The most important thing to remember in the first few weeks of being alone with your baby: YOU HAVE TO EAT!
In the very beginning, there is a swarm of people surrounding you, wanting to hold the baby and hopefully making you some chicken soup. But after about six weeks, you will inevitably find yourself alone sometimes. Maybe even for a whole day. As you are trying to understand the rhythm of life with your new baby and how to juggle showers and laundry with feedings every two hours and five poopy diapers a day, you may reach 3 in the afternoon and realize you have not eaten.
And this may be the most important thing you do for yourself because if you are not well fed, you will not have body strength or mental lucidity to make good choices for your baby.
Eat well. Sounds easier than it really is. What do you eat? When do you have time to prepare a healthy meal? How do you not just grab five chocolate chip cookies for breakfast?
You keep healthy foods in your house that you can grab and eat.
Grapes. Baby carrots, popcorn, bananas, cherry tomatoes, good whole-grain cereal like total and honey bunches of oats(not cinnamon toast crunch or trix), raisins for your cereal, cold cuts and cheese, rice cakes, peanut butter, yogurt, hummus. Keep frozen strawberries on hand and throw them in the blender with milk or orange juice and a banana. Make these items part of your grocery list and just plain leave out the cookies and ice cream for a while. If you don't, you will end up eating these all day because they are easy. But the foods mentioned above are easy too, hardly require any preparation and are HEALTHY!
Soon, you will find a balance and you will learn to do almost everything with one hand while you carry your baby. But for now, concentrate on getting enough rest (nap with your baby) and eating well. The laundry will get done. Your strength is more important.

Barrel of Monkeys

I've found out the Ms. Foo, who is 9 months old, loves to play Barrel of Monkeys! Of all the colorful, blinking, flashing, singing, spinning toys we have bought her, this plain green barrel of monkeys has been her favorite.
I sit across from her and begin play alone, pulling apes out of the barrel, connecting them, putting them back in, starting again. Ms. Foo pulls them out, puts one half way in her mouth, clutches one in each hand, and bounces up and down. I just keep going, quietly singing a song that recites the names of our whole family as she pulls at the little green plastic chain, dumps over the barrel, grabs fistfuls of monkeys. She even tries to help me make the chain but has not developed the motor skills to connect them yet. She just touches the chain with the one she is holding and then looks at me a bit confused.
Of course, this has to be a supervised game because they could possibly be choked on if not watched carefully. But it's really fun! We have actually played this game for 30 MINUTES! That is a record. And it cost less than $3.

The Wonderous Grocery Store Travels

The other day I went to three different stores and only bought some meat, avocados, and cheese. It was great. I left Ms. Foo at home with her dad and walked all over the neighborhood. I took my headphones, a big, baggy hooded sweatshirt and big sunglasses. I wanted to be incognito. I went to the health food store looking for this magic soap everyone is raving about. It was, of course, the price of a professional spa treatment. I did not buy it. I stopped at a vending table outside on the sidewalk and looked at the hand made earrings. I went to a tiny market looking for avocados but they were no good. I walked some more. Glanced at the out door thrift market. Wandered on down to the bakery where there was no bread for some reason so I bought none. Meandered back to the grocery store. Bought a few things. Chatted with the woman who bags groceries. She asked for the baby. I told her she was at home with her dad.
"That's great!" she said.
And it was. Not everyone is able to commit to a weekly class or group and for some of us, a part time job would only bring in enough money to pay for someone to watch the baby while we are at work. And, as I have mentioned before, some days you feel like pulling your hair out. But, you know what? I always have to go to the grocery store. And I have decided to go it alone, if I can. It can be a nice, long walk or drive. I am not far away if I have to rush home for some reason.
It cleared my head, I didn't spend money I didn't absolutely have to, and I didn't have one iota of guilt.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The Belly

At what point to people think it's ok to comment on your weight? Do they think they are doing you a favor, pointing out something you had over looked? You know, I just had a baby. And I do not have a personal trainer. So I still have a belly. So does every one else that had a baby around the same time I did. Is it something I should be ashamed of?
A friend of mine with a 7 month old little boy recently went to the dermatologist to see about a strange itch on her belly and was offered laser surgery to fix her belly.
My neighbor with a three month old baby gets asked, "Your still pregnant?"
Once, a woman I had just met at a barbecue said how much she missed babies now that her kids were grown and then said, "So, you're pregnant again?" Then when I declined a shot of tequila another woman said in a very loud aside, "She's pregnant, right?"
NO!
You know, people had more tact when I actually was pregnant.
People I used to work with:
"Wow, you really...grew. Are you pregnant again?"
Yes, I grew. Yes, my belly protrudes a little. Yes, I have stretch marks. And you know what? I LOVE IT! I grew and carried a baby in this body! And I really believe that this little pouch I have is what is feeding my baby (I breast feed) as it is slowly disappearing as she grows. I know that I had healthy habits during my pregnancy and continue to do so. (Not that I don't love chocolate cake). When I look at my self in the mirror, I feel strong and proud.
But when I go out, I think every one's eyes go straight to my belly. I even ask people I feel more comfortable with, "What are you looking at? My belly? My fat belly?" I feel like everyone is disappointed with me for not being able to fit into my pre pregnancy jeans yet.
But the truth is, I don't care about that! I have a baby, and this is all part of it. I think I look great! And so does my neighbor and my friend with the itchy belly. (That just means that you are healing from birth).
It took nine months for your body to grow with child. It takes about a year to get back to "normal". It's such a beautiful time. Hormones raging and your brand new menstrual cycle getting kicked off. Getting to hold your child all the time and watch her learn to talk and move about. Why can't they just let us revel in that, it will never happen again, not in this same way. Why can't they let us have our belly fat?
The next time some one asks me if I am pregnant while I am holding my relatively new born baby, I'm going to say
"No. I just love to eat." or, "No, are you?" Ha ha! Thanks to my two aunts for those responses, by the way.
I love this new body that I have. It makes me feel solid and accomplished. But that does not mean it does not hurt when people are insensitive and mean.
I find myself looking at others who recently had babies, comparing my self to them.
It's strange the strength of both sides of my feelings. Like they belong to two different people.
One connected to the mother spirit, confident in her purpose.
The other shying off to the corners, sucking in her belly.
My life is a Ferris wheel. Do you ever feel that way?

A question and some celery

I received a question asking which Grandmother's gave the advice for yesterday's blog.
Well, onion tea was given to me by a sweet woman who is Ms. Foo's adopted Grandmother. Ms. Foo is named after her and we love her very much.
The ginger tea was a remedy used by my husband's grandmother in Mexico.
The tomato and salt on the throat was given to me by my own grandmother on my mother's side.
And, finally, the boiled rice water by my neighbor's grandmother in Macedonia.

The question also asked if they work.
I have personally tried the onion and ginger teas and have found them SUPER effective. I have also given the recipe to a few other people and they have come back to me astounded at their strength.

I have not tried the tomato yet, but my grandmother has never given me advice that did not carry.

The rice water I have not tried either but I have heard it from a few other people, including the woman who suggested the onion tea.

AND here is another one for colicky babies:

Boil celery. Mix one ounce of it's water in a bottle with baby's milk or plain water or juice.
Usually, colicky baby's become fussy at around the same time every day. If you administer the celery water about half an hour before your baby gets fussy, it will really help if not get rid of the problem.

I helped care for a colicky baby a few years ago. He was crying and crying. The upstairs neighbor came down stairs with a stalk of celery in her hand and told us about this remedy. We gave it to him and he fell fast asleep. So, I know this one works.

Tips from the Grandmothers

• For chest congestion and cough:

Take half a red onion and cut into quarters
Boil it with cinnamon, half a lime and honey

This acts as an expectorant. It will make you cough even more, but you will be coughing up all the phlegm that is in your chest. You will feel much better but you must drink it again in about eight hours.

It doesn't taste at all like onion. It tastes like cinnamon and honey

• For fever:

Strong ginger tea. It will make you sweat the fever out.

• For sore throat:

Slice a tomato. Sprinkle salt on the slices and place them on your throat. This will suck the infection out of your throat.

• For baby's sick tummy

Boil rice. Feed your baby the water from that rice. It settles their stomach.

Fever

So, this is what I have been doing to keep my daughter's fever down

• baths of lukewarm water and vinegar
• medium thin slices of potato in her socks, underneath her feet and against her belly, tied in place with a bandanna. I tried putting them around her head, but she kept pulling the bandanna off. The potatoes help pull the fever out. You can tell it is working if the potatoes turn black. You can also pour vinegar on the potatoes before placing them on the body.
• dipping receiving blankets in water and vinegar and wrapping her in them
• putting cool wash clothes on her head
• baby Motrin
• the hospital! Her fever went up to 103.6 and we freaked. The doctor said to watch for vomiting or trouble breathing or a fever of 104. He also said if the fever doesn't go away in three days, to bring her back.
• Not sleeping. She wouldn't cry when her fever would get really high. She would stay asleep. It's so scary! What if I had been sleeping? Don't think about it. Just stay up. Funny how you don't get tired. I watched a lot of movies.
• Chamomile tea
• Soothing

Her fever is still there. A nurse in the family told me that a fever below 104 is actually a good thing because it is fighting whatever is in the body trying to cause harm.

She also said that the most accurate temperature is taken rectally. If you do take it under the arm, you have to add one degree to the reading.
If she still has it tomorrow, it's back to the emergency room!
I'll keep you posted