Naivety

I'm not an expert. I've never raised a child before. But I can't help thinking that a few things are wrong, even though it seems that everybody does them.
Like, when your baby is crying, it doesn't seem useful or positive to put them in front of the mirror and say,
"See how you look, crying like that?"
Or when you are around other children and your child is agitated and the other child is calm, to say,
"Look how nice and sweet so-and-so is. Not like you, cranky and mean!"
Or worse, when you already have a child and have another one. Of course the older child is going to have more "behavioral lapses" than the new born baby. When this happens, you say,
"Oh, the new baby is so nice and quiet. Not a cry baby like you."

Whether you find it hard to believe or not, being around more and more parents, I find that many use these tactics to try and get their kids to behave.

Why? What does it accomplish? Making your baby ashamed of his emotions? Learning that he is less desirable than the world's other children? Than your other children?

You may think it is not a big deal. That it is a normal thing that everyone does.

It may be common but I do not believe it is normal.

At the risk of sounding like I am trying to save all the world's problems, I will say that perhaps many of the pains that we inflict on ourselves as adolescents and adults stem from these "normal" things our parents said to us as children.
Not that they did it to hurt us. They heard it from their parents too, and it seems to be effective in the moment.
When my neighbor says something like this to his son, his son is quiet. But is anyone looking at his face? He is ashamed. He is embarrassed. He knows now that his father prefers his brother to him. So he soon begins to jump all over him, begging his dad to play with him. His dad shoves him off. He's watching TV. He's in the way.
I don't know. My baby doesn't misbehave yet in a way that requires disciplinary action. Will I resort to these phrases? Will I tell her she is a bad girl? That she is bothering me? That she is in my way?
I was told these things as a child. They stay in my mind. They don't cause me night mares or panic attacks but they effect how I act when meeting new people. When starting a new job. I don't want to bother any body. Don't want to make any body mad.
Again, this is a subject I'll have to revisit later.
And maybe it sounds trivial.
But this is only because everyone does it. And it's easy.
It's harder to focus your attention away from whatever you are doing and think of a constructive way to deal with your child.
Or help them. They don't know very much. They need help, not to be "dealt with". They are not criminals.
They only want our attention. Or something tangible like food or sleep. (Is sleep tangible?). How hard is it to find out?
How easy is it to throw an insult their way. And again, make them more worried about whether or not you are happy with them than if they are happy with themselves.
Think about yourself. What you think about yourself. Then think about all the things we tell our children to get them to behave in the moment. Think about what you were told as a child. Do any of them correspond with your current feelings about yourself?
Once again, you may say, "Big deal, poor you, I'm playing the world's smallest violin." But, just think about it tonight when you go to bed. Watch, listen, and think about it later.