At what point to people think it's ok to comment on your weight? Do they think they are doing you a favor, pointing out something you had over looked? You know, I just had a baby. And I do not have a personal trainer. So I still have a belly. So does every one else that had a baby around the same time I did. Is it something I should be ashamed of?
A friend of mine with a 7 month old little boy recently went to the dermatologist to see about a strange itch on her belly and was offered laser surgery to fix her belly.
My neighbor with a three month old baby gets asked, "Your still pregnant?"
Once, a woman I had just met at a barbecue said how much she missed babies now that her kids were grown and then said, "So, you're pregnant again?" Then when I declined a shot of tequila another woman said in a very loud aside, "She's pregnant, right?"
NO!
You know, people had more tact when I actually was pregnant.
People I used to work with:
"Wow, you really...grew. Are you pregnant again?"
Yes, I grew. Yes, my belly protrudes a little. Yes, I have stretch marks. And you know what? I LOVE IT! I grew and carried a baby in this body! And I really believe that this little pouch I have is what is feeding my baby (I breast feed) as it is slowly disappearing as she grows. I know that I had healthy habits during my pregnancy and continue to do so. (Not that I don't love chocolate cake). When I look at my self in the mirror, I feel strong and proud.
But when I go out, I think every one's eyes go straight to my belly. I even ask people I feel more comfortable with, "What are you looking at? My belly? My fat belly?" I feel like everyone is disappointed with me for not being able to fit into my pre pregnancy jeans yet.
But the truth is, I don't care about that! I have a baby, and this is all part of it. I think I look great! And so does my neighbor and my friend with the itchy belly. (That just means that you are healing from birth).
It took nine months for your body to grow with child. It takes about a year to get back to "normal". It's such a beautiful time. Hormones raging and your brand new menstrual cycle getting kicked off. Getting to hold your child all the time and watch her learn to talk and move about. Why can't they just let us revel in that, it will never happen again, not in this same way. Why can't they let us have our belly fat?
The next time some one asks me if I am pregnant while I am holding my relatively new born baby, I'm going to say
"No. I just love to eat." or, "No, are you?" Ha ha! Thanks to my two aunts for those responses, by the way.
I love this new body that I have. It makes me feel solid and accomplished. But that does not mean it does not hurt when people are insensitive and mean.
I find myself looking at others who recently had babies, comparing my self to them.
It's strange the strength of both sides of my feelings. Like they belong to two different people.
One connected to the mother spirit, confident in her purpose.
The other shying off to the corners, sucking in her belly.
My life is a Ferris wheel. Do you ever feel that way?
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2 comments:
all the time
You posted this early. Couldn't sleep, eh?
I think people feel they are doing you a favor by commenting on weight. It's a little odd, and seems mean, but I think it's true.
Leah used to (and by 'used to' I mean it's just less now than before, actually)have a similar problem with her Grandma and Great Aunt. They used to do things like buy her clothes that was purposely too small
, then to add insult to injury, they would take her to take them back and would say things like "Well, we just didn't realize how much Leah there was."
It was insane, Leah has never been this huge person. But I think they just felt that by commenting on her wight it would 'motivate' her to lose it. It obviously doesn't work that way, people mostly like to resist advice given in a negative.
I have the problem of giving too much weight loss advice to people who are over weight. I try to do it in a positive way, but I've been trying to stop because people always seem to roll their eyes.
But it's genuinely to try and motivate them to be healthier and happier.
Leah and I have come to the conclusion that everyone needs to only worry about one person, and that's themselves. The whole world is constantly trying to pull you toward the direction that they imagine is the correct one. Whether it's through negative or positive, people want the world to behave how they imagine it should. But everyone was born with different ideas of how the world is, so it's pointless to try and convince anyone of your world when they are living just fine in their's. Even if they look or say they are unhappy, that's just their world and they are happy in that world.
Anyway, fun blog, sorry to rant.
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