September 30, 2008
Sick Day
Poor Ms. Foo, she has a fever! We'll talk about it soon, I have to attend to her right now.
September 26, 2008
When to ditch the bobo
I read somewhere that the best time to take a pacifier away from your baby is between 7 and 9 months because babies will not remember it, whereas an older child will and will ask and cry for it. I decided to try this for myself. I took her pacifier away at about 7 1/2 months and this is what I found.
The first night, after she fell asleep and I stopped breast feeding, she looked for it in her sleep so I continued breast feeding until she let go on her own.
After a night or two, she stopped looking for the pacifier, but she would not let go of the breast for a really long time. And I mean WOULD NOT let go.
This continued for about 3 weeks. Now, she is almost 9 months old and it's like the pacifier never was. I did have to go through a short time of breast feeding for a longer time than I was used to after she fell asleep, but there was no crying and the amount of times she wakes up at night has not changed.
So, it worked for me. One word of advice. THROW THE PACIFIER AWAY. Why? Because you'll miss your cute baby who sucked on a pacifier and that first night, she may look so sweet looking for it in her sleep, you may break and give it back.
Good Luck!
The first night, after she fell asleep and I stopped breast feeding, she looked for it in her sleep so I continued breast feeding until she let go on her own.
After a night or two, she stopped looking for the pacifier, but she would not let go of the breast for a really long time. And I mean WOULD NOT let go.
This continued for about 3 weeks. Now, she is almost 9 months old and it's like the pacifier never was. I did have to go through a short time of breast feeding for a longer time than I was used to after she fell asleep, but there was no crying and the amount of times she wakes up at night has not changed.
So, it worked for me. One word of advice. THROW THE PACIFIER AWAY. Why? Because you'll miss your cute baby who sucked on a pacifier and that first night, she may look so sweet looking for it in her sleep, you may break and give it back.
Good Luck!
September 25, 2008
Some days are like that
Sometimes, my neighbor says, when she opens her eyes in the morning, they fill with tears. She has to get up to ready her four year old for the pre-school bus and care for her brand new three month old baby. Big deal, right? She's not alone, she's not poor, (well, some on Park Ave. may think so, but we do all right.) She has two beautiful kids and a husband who loves her and helps out. So, what's the problem? Why the tears?
I don't know the answer. What I do know, is that when she told me this, I knew exactly how she felt. Some days are like that and I thought I was the only one, that something was wrong with me. I don't understand it. I think that sometimes you just feel lost. From the moment you get up you are worrying about other people. For every second, even while you are peeing. And most of the time, this is cool. I like to feel needed, I love to know that my daughter wants to be with me, and that my husband still finds me sexy. But there is no retreat. No time in a room all by myself when no one even notices I am missing. No wandering a book store alone or taking a nap in the afternoon.
We have tried to find solutions for this. But, a lot of times, the only way my husband can help me is with me talking him through it. I try to have some alone time while my husband watches the baby but he more often than not comes to find me because he "doesn't know what's wrong with her". It lasts about five minutes. It's like being in the spotlight for twenty four hours a day. Sometimes I just want to retreat into the wings.
But no one else knows the part except me.
Of course, things do not have to be like this. I could go to work and hire a day care or a nanny. I could use the Ferber method on my daughter and let her cry while I relax in another room. I have made my choices about my life and this is why things are this way. I am not a victim, at all. Many days I am proud, productive and happy. But some days are like that. Some days I just feel like I barely have enough. It seems like I can't collect energy in the spotlight. I need to retreat, to gather up what I need to give it my all. I'm still struggling with how to do this, though. It's all right, this is all still fairly new.
The magazines talk about hiring a baby-sitter while you take a long, luxurious bath or taking a yoga class. Obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. And, I don't have any tips right now on how to keep your sanity. It's different fore every one's situation. All I can say is that, I sometimes feel like crying too and not to feel bad. Just cry. Maybe after you do, you'll find some clarity.
I don't know the answer. What I do know, is that when she told me this, I knew exactly how she felt. Some days are like that and I thought I was the only one, that something was wrong with me. I don't understand it. I think that sometimes you just feel lost. From the moment you get up you are worrying about other people. For every second, even while you are peeing. And most of the time, this is cool. I like to feel needed, I love to know that my daughter wants to be with me, and that my husband still finds me sexy. But there is no retreat. No time in a room all by myself when no one even notices I am missing. No wandering a book store alone or taking a nap in the afternoon.
We have tried to find solutions for this. But, a lot of times, the only way my husband can help me is with me talking him through it. I try to have some alone time while my husband watches the baby but he more often than not comes to find me because he "doesn't know what's wrong with her". It lasts about five minutes. It's like being in the spotlight for twenty four hours a day. Sometimes I just want to retreat into the wings.
But no one else knows the part except me.
Of course, things do not have to be like this. I could go to work and hire a day care or a nanny. I could use the Ferber method on my daughter and let her cry while I relax in another room. I have made my choices about my life and this is why things are this way. I am not a victim, at all. Many days I am proud, productive and happy. But some days are like that. Some days I just feel like I barely have enough. It seems like I can't collect energy in the spotlight. I need to retreat, to gather up what I need to give it my all. I'm still struggling with how to do this, though. It's all right, this is all still fairly new.
The magazines talk about hiring a baby-sitter while you take a long, luxurious bath or taking a yoga class. Obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. And, I don't have any tips right now on how to keep your sanity. It's different fore every one's situation. All I can say is that, I sometimes feel like crying too and not to feel bad. Just cry. Maybe after you do, you'll find some clarity.
September 24, 2008
She will bite you
Yes she will. If you think it's bad when her bottom teeth come in, just wait until she gets her top teeth. You will really and truly think that she bit your nipple off. If it is dark and your milk has already let down, you will think you are bleeding everywhere. You want to let her latch on again but you keep pulling back, anticipating another chomp down.
Go ahead and yell, you will really want to and will alert your baby that something is wrong.
There are a lot of methods to remedy a nipple biting baby. One I've heard of is putting the hungry baby on the floor and letting her cry for ten minutes so she realizes the biting caused the leaving on the floor. However, I am not a big fan of letting kids "cry it out". Personally, I don't think a baby can make the connection after being left on the floor for ten minutes. They will just be upset and will have completely forgotten the biting.
I've noticed that when I yell, Ms. Foo looks up at me really surprised and she doesn't do it again that feeding. Every baby is different, but I have also seen that she only bites me when she is done feeding and just playing around or when I try to feed her when she is not hungry. So I try to make sure she is really hungry by putting her to my breast while it is still covered and seeing if she tries to find it with a lot of enthusiasm or just with mild interest.
She still bites me sometimes, but I believe it's getting better.
Bye!
Go ahead and yell, you will really want to and will alert your baby that something is wrong.
There are a lot of methods to remedy a nipple biting baby. One I've heard of is putting the hungry baby on the floor and letting her cry for ten minutes so she realizes the biting caused the leaving on the floor. However, I am not a big fan of letting kids "cry it out". Personally, I don't think a baby can make the connection after being left on the floor for ten minutes. They will just be upset and will have completely forgotten the biting.
I've noticed that when I yell, Ms. Foo looks up at me really surprised and she doesn't do it again that feeding. Every baby is different, but I have also seen that she only bites me when she is done feeding and just playing around or when I try to feed her when she is not hungry. So I try to make sure she is really hungry by putting her to my breast while it is still covered and seeing if she tries to find it with a lot of enthusiasm or just with mild interest.
She still bites me sometimes, but I believe it's getting better.
Bye!
September 23, 2008
Twirly Things
So, the funny thing is, that you buy your baby all kinds of cool toys that spin and flash and sing songs and count to ten in English and Spanish. But you set them in front of her and she goes for the keys or your cell phone or the remote control. Why is this? You can't let her play with these things! Keys are dirty, cell phones will get ruined by slobber, remote controls have some weird silver paint on them. But she doesn't want her toys! Help!
Well, never fear. Why do you think she wants the stuff you have instead of the cool stuff you got for her?
Because! She is watching you and sees that you are supremely interested in your cell phone and that the remote control is always in your hand. These things are obviously interesting to you and she wants to do what you are doing because she wants to learn from you. She imitates what you do in facial expressions and sounds, so why not when it comes to play things?
So.
Pick up her plastic twirly thing and turn it over in your hands. Tap it. Look at it and furrow your brow. In short, act like you are really interested in it. Play with it. After a while, you know what will happen? Your baby will grab it out of your hand and stick it in her mouth. Ha ha! Try it, it works!
Well, never fear. Why do you think she wants the stuff you have instead of the cool stuff you got for her?
Because! She is watching you and sees that you are supremely interested in your cell phone and that the remote control is always in your hand. These things are obviously interesting to you and she wants to do what you are doing because she wants to learn from you. She imitates what you do in facial expressions and sounds, so why not when it comes to play things?
So.
Pick up her plastic twirly thing and turn it over in your hands. Tap it. Look at it and furrow your brow. In short, act like you are really interested in it. Play with it. After a while, you know what will happen? Your baby will grab it out of your hand and stick it in her mouth. Ha ha! Try it, it works!
September 19, 2008
The Heimlich
An interview with Tina Garcia, an activities director for Share Your Care in Albuquerque, NM which is a center for adults with mental disabilities. She is certified in CPR in both infants and adults.
M: Hello, Tina, how are you this morning?
T: I'm well, thank you.
M: You tell me you are certified to give CPR to infants.
T: Yes, that is true
M: Can you also help a baby who may be choking?
T: Yes. The thing to remember when thinking of performing the Heimlech Menuvar on an infant, is to make sure that they really do need it. Watch them very closeley. If they are coughing, this means that they can still breath and their body will most likely be able to take care of it.
M: What if they are not coughing?
T: If you see they are choking and are not coughing or making any noise you should perform the procedure on them.
M: Would you share this procedure with us?
T: I would be happy to. The first thing you must do is lay them face down across you r forearm, supporting their chest and abdomen, making sure the head is lower than the chest.
Next, you must pound them fairly hard on the back five times between the shoulder blades.
Flip the baby over and take two fingers in the middle of their chest, right below the nipple line, and press in five hard, quick jabs. Your baby may be sore for a day or two, but it will most likely be worth it.
Now turn the baby over again and look for the object in their mouth. If it is there, remove it and continue with rescue breaths. If you can not see it, repeat the Heimlich.
M: What are rescue breaths?
T: You should place your hand on the baby's forehead and push gently so the chin tilts up a bit. Then cover the baby's mouth and nose with your mouth and breath in. But you do not have to breath forcefully. You should breath as normally as you do for yourself. Do so until the chest rises. Then uncover the mouth and nose, breath in for yourself, wait for the baby's chest to fall and repeat.
M: What if these procedures fail to remove the object or get the baby to breath again?
T: Then, you should call 911 and continue the procedures until help arrives.
M: This was very helpful Ms. Garcia, thank you very much.
T: It was my pleasure!
Remember everyone, we are not doctors. Ms. Garcia is certified but you should always speak to a medical professional before making any decisions regarding your health or the health of your child.
M: Hello, Tina, how are you this morning?
T: I'm well, thank you.
M: You tell me you are certified to give CPR to infants.
T: Yes, that is true
M: Can you also help a baby who may be choking?
T: Yes. The thing to remember when thinking of performing the Heimlech Menuvar on an infant, is to make sure that they really do need it. Watch them very closeley. If they are coughing, this means that they can still breath and their body will most likely be able to take care of it.
M: What if they are not coughing?
T: If you see they are choking and are not coughing or making any noise you should perform the procedure on them.
M: Would you share this procedure with us?
T: I would be happy to. The first thing you must do is lay them face down across you r forearm, supporting their chest and abdomen, making sure the head is lower than the chest.
Next, you must pound them fairly hard on the back five times between the shoulder blades.
Flip the baby over and take two fingers in the middle of their chest, right below the nipple line, and press in five hard, quick jabs. Your baby may be sore for a day or two, but it will most likely be worth it.
Now turn the baby over again and look for the object in their mouth. If it is there, remove it and continue with rescue breaths. If you can not see it, repeat the Heimlich.
M: What are rescue breaths?
T: You should place your hand on the baby's forehead and push gently so the chin tilts up a bit. Then cover the baby's mouth and nose with your mouth and breath in. But you do not have to breath forcefully. You should breath as normally as you do for yourself. Do so until the chest rises. Then uncover the mouth and nose, breath in for yourself, wait for the baby's chest to fall and repeat.
M: What if these procedures fail to remove the object or get the baby to breath again?
T: Then, you should call 911 and continue the procedures until help arrives.
M: This was very helpful Ms. Garcia, thank you very much.
T: It was my pleasure!
Remember everyone, we are not doctors. Ms. Garcia is certified but you should always speak to a medical professional before making any decisions regarding your health or the health of your child.
September 18, 2008
When should I start?
Just watch them closely to make sure they are not gonna choke. That's what I have to say.
At around 5 months, start with one plain puree. Squash, carrot, sweet potato, peas, green beans. But only one at a time for about a week at a time. Sometimes the strong flavor tastes sour to a baby, so if your baby seems to not like the veggie, mix it with some baby cereal to bland it out a bit.
Next, try mixing some veggies.
If you want to give a quick snack and don't have to time to boil and puree, peel only half of the peel away from a banana so the other half makes a little dish for you. Take a baby spoon and scrape the banana with it. What accumulates on the spoon is soft enough for your baby to eat.
When she has gotten used to eating purees, you can scrape fresh apple and pear as well.
Next, at about 7 months, you can start throwing boiled chicken and pasta into the blender with the veggies.
At eight months, try just mashing up beans and squash or boiled carrots.
If you feel your baby is ready, give her a piece of toasted bread to munch on. You can also try to give her rice. BUT!!! Watch her closely to make sure she will not choke.
Let her try shredded chicken or turkey with a little sauce.
THINGS THEY SAY YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE YOUR BABY UNTIL ONE YEAR OF AGE:
1. Peanut Butter
2. Tomatoes
3. Egg
4. At two years of age: Seafood
5. Red Meats and Pork
I have given my daughter tomato sauce and egg and she has been fine, but doctors recommend to wait until a year has passed.
Remember! I am not a doctor! This is all based on MY experience with MY baby who is now eight and a half months old.
Tomorrow, an interview with Tina Garcia who is certified in CPR and will explain how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on your baby, if the need should ever arise.
At around 5 months, start with one plain puree. Squash, carrot, sweet potato, peas, green beans. But only one at a time for about a week at a time. Sometimes the strong flavor tastes sour to a baby, so if your baby seems to not like the veggie, mix it with some baby cereal to bland it out a bit.
Next, try mixing some veggies.
If you want to give a quick snack and don't have to time to boil and puree, peel only half of the peel away from a banana so the other half makes a little dish for you. Take a baby spoon and scrape the banana with it. What accumulates on the spoon is soft enough for your baby to eat.
When she has gotten used to eating purees, you can scrape fresh apple and pear as well.
Next, at about 7 months, you can start throwing boiled chicken and pasta into the blender with the veggies.
At eight months, try just mashing up beans and squash or boiled carrots.
If you feel your baby is ready, give her a piece of toasted bread to munch on. You can also try to give her rice. BUT!!! Watch her closely to make sure she will not choke.
Let her try shredded chicken or turkey with a little sauce.
THINGS THEY SAY YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE YOUR BABY UNTIL ONE YEAR OF AGE:
1. Peanut Butter
2. Tomatoes
3. Egg
4. At two years of age: Seafood
5. Red Meats and Pork
I have given my daughter tomato sauce and egg and she has been fine, but doctors recommend to wait until a year has passed.
Remember! I am not a doctor! This is all based on MY experience with MY baby who is now eight and a half months old.
Tomorrow, an interview with Tina Garcia who is certified in CPR and will explain how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on your baby, if the need should ever arise.
September 17, 2008
A Few New Things, don't get too excited
At eight and a half months old, Ms. Foo is doing all kinds of fun and funny stuff. She imitates her auntie who rests her head on her bent arm while lying on the couch, only Ms. Foo puts her fist to the side of her head then falls over.
She also plays a game with her grandma where she leans way over to one side then back up again over and over. It gets her grandma dizzy.
While she was playing on the floor, I said to her, "Who's outside?" and she started excitedly looking outside. These are major comprehensions for her!
She says Mama and looks at her dad when I say Papa. She can walk forward in her walker when she feels like it and she sits in front of the parrot's cage and speaks to him in a loud voice.
I love her, she is so cool.
She also plays a game with her grandma where she leans way over to one side then back up again over and over. It gets her grandma dizzy.
While she was playing on the floor, I said to her, "Who's outside?" and she started excitedly looking outside. These are major comprehensions for her!
She says Mama and looks at her dad when I say Papa. She can walk forward in her walker when she feels like it and she sits in front of the parrot's cage and speaks to him in a loud voice.
I love her, she is so cool.
September 16, 2008
Snakes and Grapes: my dilemma
Kenny, my brother in law, took Ms. Foo, my daughter, out for a walk. They saw bees pollinating flowers. They saw some barking dogs behind a fence. They saw different plants like desert sage and lavender, Spanish broom and cactus. A catafa tree, a hummingbird.
Meanwhile, I am inside with my aunt and sisters. My aunt is telling a horrifyingly funny story about her husband. He picked a bushel of Snake Weed from their yard and boiled a big pot of Snake Weed tea to cure his sinuses because, she says, Snake Weed is a diuretic. Her husband drinks some and he feels a little better, so he says to himself
"If a little does a little good, then a lot ought do a lot of good!" and he drinks the entire large pot of Snake Weed tea which proceeds to dry him up like a dried up old fool. My aunt bulges her eyes and sucks in her cheeks, drawing her shoulders up and her arms in as she imitates him coughing and gagging and completely dehydrated. Ha Ha. We laughed.
Just then, Kenny comes back in from his walk with Ms. Foo. She is clutching a spray of orange flowers and chewing.
"What is she chewing?" I ask. Kenny looks down,
"I think its this flower" he says
"Oh!" says my aunt, "That's the plant I was talking about. That's Snake Weed."
WHAT!!!!! How long has she been chewing? How much did she chew? Is she gonna dry up? Should we go to the emergency room? Give her water! Give her more! Oh my god! Ms. Foo, are you all right? Kenny, I'm never leaving you alone with her again!!!!
Then my sister says,
"Oh, that' ok, when I was with her the other morning, she ate some powder off a morning glory."
And my mother says,
"Yesterday, I was showing her the grape vine and all of a sudden I look at her and she has a little lump in her cheek! She's so fast, she just popped it in her mouth without me noticing!"
I'm never letting anyone take her on walks again. I'm going to put her an a plastic cage and never let her out of the house. I'm going to wrap her in gauze and tape her mouth shut.
Sounds ridiculous, right? But don't tell me, mama's, that you haven't sometimes felt like going to some extreme. How am I suppossed to protect her and let her go at the same time? I know kids eat weird stuff all the time. My husband ate chicken poo when he was two. My grandfather ate a glass bottle when he was nine months old. My little sister ate chalk.
I'm just afraid. I know we all watch her and love her and don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I am afraid. Do I just stop? Stop being afraid and hope for the best? What did you do?
A few minutes later she pooped. She hadn't pooped in two days. She ate the Snake Weed and there it was. Serendipitous if I do say so myself.
Sigh
Meanwhile, I am inside with my aunt and sisters. My aunt is telling a horrifyingly funny story about her husband. He picked a bushel of Snake Weed from their yard and boiled a big pot of Snake Weed tea to cure his sinuses because, she says, Snake Weed is a diuretic. Her husband drinks some and he feels a little better, so he says to himself
"If a little does a little good, then a lot ought do a lot of good!" and he drinks the entire large pot of Snake Weed tea which proceeds to dry him up like a dried up old fool. My aunt bulges her eyes and sucks in her cheeks, drawing her shoulders up and her arms in as she imitates him coughing and gagging and completely dehydrated. Ha Ha. We laughed.
Just then, Kenny comes back in from his walk with Ms. Foo. She is clutching a spray of orange flowers and chewing.
"What is she chewing?" I ask. Kenny looks down,
"I think its this flower" he says
"Oh!" says my aunt, "That's the plant I was talking about. That's Snake Weed."
WHAT!!!!! How long has she been chewing? How much did she chew? Is she gonna dry up? Should we go to the emergency room? Give her water! Give her more! Oh my god! Ms. Foo, are you all right? Kenny, I'm never leaving you alone with her again!!!!
Then my sister says,
"Oh, that' ok, when I was with her the other morning, she ate some powder off a morning glory."
And my mother says,
"Yesterday, I was showing her the grape vine and all of a sudden I look at her and she has a little lump in her cheek! She's so fast, she just popped it in her mouth without me noticing!"
I'm never letting anyone take her on walks again. I'm going to put her an a plastic cage and never let her out of the house. I'm going to wrap her in gauze and tape her mouth shut.
Sounds ridiculous, right? But don't tell me, mama's, that you haven't sometimes felt like going to some extreme. How am I suppossed to protect her and let her go at the same time? I know kids eat weird stuff all the time. My husband ate chicken poo when he was two. My grandfather ate a glass bottle when he was nine months old. My little sister ate chalk.
I'm just afraid. I know we all watch her and love her and don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I am afraid. Do I just stop? Stop being afraid and hope for the best? What did you do?
A few minutes later she pooped. She hadn't pooped in two days. She ate the Snake Weed and there it was. Serendipitous if I do say so myself.
Sigh
September 12, 2008
Tiddly Tidbit
Now that it is getting a little colder, I've started putting socks on my baby. All summer she was barefoot all the time. What I've noticed in the past few days is...how incredibly dirty her socks get! From us helping her walk around and her crawling. I never saw all that dirt on her feet! It's amazing what a sock can tell you. Yech!
September 11, 2008
Chest Pain
The first few days of breast feeding are painful. Very painful. Because your nipples are not used to being sucked on constantly, when your baby latches on you will feel an intense burning for a few seconds. Only for the first few seconds. And after about a week, it doesn't hurt anymore. If it does continue to hurt, or if it hurts all the time in the beginning, even after the baby has been latched on for a while, YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR DOCTOR. The baby is not latching on correctly and your milk ducts could get plugged and infected. Don't let the doctor's tell you everything is fine. If you are feeling constant pain, or pain after a month of breast feeding, there is something wrong.
Another thing. In the beginning, your baby will basically want to live at your breast. She will want to be suckling even if she is not hungry. Let her. This is what helps to bring your milk down. And it is very comforting for her. She has been close to you for nine months. Keep her close. She'll wander off on her own when she figures out she can.
Don't think that your baby wants to suckle all the time because she is not getting enough, she is. Her stomach is very tiny. So she needs to eat constantly. You may feel like you have time for nothing else but feeding. It's true. Breast milk is also mostly water so she will get hungry faster. But, do not fret! Just like the back ache and the sleeplessness, this does not last. Don't give up! It's not forever! Soon, you won't even remember this time. You'll be too busy chasing her around!
Another thing. In the beginning, your baby will basically want to live at your breast. She will want to be suckling even if she is not hungry. Let her. This is what helps to bring your milk down. And it is very comforting for her. She has been close to you for nine months. Keep her close. She'll wander off on her own when she figures out she can.
Don't think that your baby wants to suckle all the time because she is not getting enough, she is. Her stomach is very tiny. So she needs to eat constantly. You may feel like you have time for nothing else but feeding. It's true. Breast milk is also mostly water so she will get hungry faster. But, do not fret! Just like the back ache and the sleeplessness, this does not last. Don't give up! It's not forever! Soon, you won't even remember this time. You'll be too busy chasing her around!
September 10, 2008
The luxury of sleep
In the first few weeks of your baby's life, she most likely will want to eat every two hours if not more. This is true for all baby's because their stomach is so tiny that it fills up and empties out very fast. If your baby is drinking formula, you may have a little help with those midnight feedings but not much. If your baby is drinking breast milk, you aren't going to have help at all.
In the beginning, a feeling identical to anger may try to creep up on you at two in the morning, which you will try to ignore. How could you be angry with your precious baby?
The truth is, you are not angry with your baby. You are angry at the unknown for robbing you of the luxury of sleep you had for the last nine months. Especially after birth when you are introduced to a brand of tired that wasn't in any of the magazines. It seems unjust that you should have to fully wake up every two hours, feed a dribbling person, burp them for twenty minutes, change her wet diaper, and then listen as she poops loudly in the clean one. You feel like you are being treated cruelly. And behind that feeling is guilt for being angry.
The thing to remember is that EVERYONE feels this way right after they bring their baby home. Or, if you had her at home, after the midwife leaves and you are left alone with your baby for the first time.
Be assured that this feeling doesn't last forever. After you have properly mourned your deceased ability to sleep deeply, the best thing to do is resign yourself. Accept that you won't be getting any sleep at night. Abandon your pillow. Put a good book next to your bed or armchair (wherever you will be feeding the baby), pop your favorite movie into the DVD player, prepare some healthy snacks, and have yourself a little new mama slumber party. During the day, it is more likely someone will be around to help you so you can have a nice sized nap.
You will be more loving and calm if you don't think your baby is trying to turn you into a zombie. And soon, her stomach will grow and she will sleep longer and all will be well. Hang in there!
In the beginning, a feeling identical to anger may try to creep up on you at two in the morning, which you will try to ignore. How could you be angry with your precious baby?
The truth is, you are not angry with your baby. You are angry at the unknown for robbing you of the luxury of sleep you had for the last nine months. Especially after birth when you are introduced to a brand of tired that wasn't in any of the magazines. It seems unjust that you should have to fully wake up every two hours, feed a dribbling person, burp them for twenty minutes, change her wet diaper, and then listen as she poops loudly in the clean one. You feel like you are being treated cruelly. And behind that feeling is guilt for being angry.
The thing to remember is that EVERYONE feels this way right after they bring their baby home. Or, if you had her at home, after the midwife leaves and you are left alone with your baby for the first time.
Be assured that this feeling doesn't last forever. After you have properly mourned your deceased ability to sleep deeply, the best thing to do is resign yourself. Accept that you won't be getting any sleep at night. Abandon your pillow. Put a good book next to your bed or armchair (wherever you will be feeding the baby), pop your favorite movie into the DVD player, prepare some healthy snacks, and have yourself a little new mama slumber party. During the day, it is more likely someone will be around to help you so you can have a nice sized nap.
You will be more loving and calm if you don't think your baby is trying to turn you into a zombie. And soon, her stomach will grow and she will sleep longer and all will be well. Hang in there!
September 9, 2008
Rocking chairs and Nursery themes.
It's hard to know what you will need when preparing for the birth of your first child. You know what you have seen growing up, on TV, and what everyone has told you every time they ask you "What you are planning to do?" and you just don't know yet. You know you need warm clothes, blankets, diapers, a gentle soap. But there are so many things marketed now, so many things people believe they need, that it is a sin to do without.
A rocking chair. Don't forget about a rocking chair. If you don't get a rocking chair, you are going to be sorry. What do you mean you are going to use cloth diapers? A one bedroom apartment? What about the baby's nursery? Hm, we'll see how long that lasts. A single breast pump? You need a double breast pump! I have a double breast pump, you should get one too!
In each and every one of us, there is a steadfast voice sending images to our brain of what we will need for our unique baby in our unique situation. And surrounding that voice are a thousand other one's that are telling us that we are wrong. There are one or two certain people you ask for advice, but they always seem to be at the other end of a large crowd of yapping mouths telling you their expert opinion on why you are making a mistake if you don't use hypnobreathing during your labor and that Super Baby formula is the way to go, it increases DHA levels and makes their hair grow faster and blah blah blah.
Maybe they are afraid. Maybe they know that the world is in trouble and they are trying to save it by changing the way we raise our children. I believe that this is at the heart of all the babble. We know, in our heart of hearts that we could do better. That our parents could have done better. And so now, we are trying to make it right. But no one knows that this is their deep desire.. So they translate it into a need to force you into their way of doing things, to prove themselves...to themselves. If only we would realize that this is and has always been the problem. Not realizing that what works for your neighbor might not work for you and what works for you might not work for your brother's girlfriend is what has caused so many tragedies throughout history. Each of us, left to our own devices, knows inherently what we need to do to survive. Forcing others to follow our way causes confusion, anger, fear, and self doubt.
Now, back to that steadfast voice. When you are waiting for your baby and you lie with your eyes closed, you will tell yourself what it is that you need. Some of us need a rocking chair. Others say they will use the couch or a prop of pillows and worry more about finding a tiny bathtub. Still others will use the kitchen sink as a bathtub and say they want a rich selection of classical music emanating through the air at all times. Is the first baby going to turn out better than the second because his mother had a rocking chair? Is the third baby going to suffer in her adult hood because she was bathed in the sink? No. But if each mother is left to her own instincts, each baby will grow up loved and independent. They will have a strong mother who is sure of her choices. Not a wobbly one who second guesses her self at every turn and inevitably passes that behavior onto her child.
Each of us, unique as a snowflake (snicker, well it's true!), needs different things. My way of coping with labor pain is not what is going to work for you. We can talk, trade ideas, a few will stick, but my dear, I am not crazy or less than you if I do not follow your solitary band wagon. Birth is as beautifully lonesome and private as prayer. Child rearing is as terrifying and gratifying as scaling a mountain. We are not talking about decorating your house or parallel parking your car. We are talking about a great task we have been charged with. "Do this with love" is our only instruction. So, sister, lay those clucking hens that surround you to rest. Put in some ear plugs and scale your mountain.
'
A rocking chair. Don't forget about a rocking chair. If you don't get a rocking chair, you are going to be sorry. What do you mean you are going to use cloth diapers? A one bedroom apartment? What about the baby's nursery? Hm, we'll see how long that lasts. A single breast pump? You need a double breast pump! I have a double breast pump, you should get one too!
In each and every one of us, there is a steadfast voice sending images to our brain of what we will need for our unique baby in our unique situation. And surrounding that voice are a thousand other one's that are telling us that we are wrong. There are one or two certain people you ask for advice, but they always seem to be at the other end of a large crowd of yapping mouths telling you their expert opinion on why you are making a mistake if you don't use hypnobreathing during your labor and that Super Baby formula is the way to go, it increases DHA levels and makes their hair grow faster and blah blah blah.
Maybe they are afraid. Maybe they know that the world is in trouble and they are trying to save it by changing the way we raise our children. I believe that this is at the heart of all the babble. We know, in our heart of hearts that we could do better. That our parents could have done better. And so now, we are trying to make it right. But no one knows that this is their deep desire.. So they translate it into a need to force you into their way of doing things, to prove themselves...to themselves. If only we would realize that this is and has always been the problem. Not realizing that what works for your neighbor might not work for you and what works for you might not work for your brother's girlfriend is what has caused so many tragedies throughout history. Each of us, left to our own devices, knows inherently what we need to do to survive. Forcing others to follow our way causes confusion, anger, fear, and self doubt.
Now, back to that steadfast voice. When you are waiting for your baby and you lie with your eyes closed, you will tell yourself what it is that you need. Some of us need a rocking chair. Others say they will use the couch or a prop of pillows and worry more about finding a tiny bathtub. Still others will use the kitchen sink as a bathtub and say they want a rich selection of classical music emanating through the air at all times. Is the first baby going to turn out better than the second because his mother had a rocking chair? Is the third baby going to suffer in her adult hood because she was bathed in the sink? No. But if each mother is left to her own instincts, each baby will grow up loved and independent. They will have a strong mother who is sure of her choices. Not a wobbly one who second guesses her self at every turn and inevitably passes that behavior onto her child.
Each of us, unique as a snowflake (snicker, well it's true!), needs different things. My way of coping with labor pain is not what is going to work for you. We can talk, trade ideas, a few will stick, but my dear, I am not crazy or less than you if I do not follow your solitary band wagon. Birth is as beautifully lonesome and private as prayer. Child rearing is as terrifying and gratifying as scaling a mountain. We are not talking about decorating your house or parallel parking your car. We are talking about a great task we have been charged with. "Do this with love" is our only instruction. So, sister, lay those clucking hens that surround you to rest. Put in some ear plugs and scale your mountain.
'
September 5, 2008
Baby Food
I am busy busy busy today, but I do have a quick tip to share with all you new moms who are ready to start feeding your baby solid foods.
First of all, Thank You to my very best friend Thresa for sharing this great idea with me!
If you want to make fresh food for your baby, you might run into a few strange semi-problems.
Okay, go ahead and boil the whole squash. Puree it then set aside enough for your baby's dinner. Pour the rest into a...Ta Da da DAAAAAA! ICE TRAY!!!!
Cover it with plastic wrap or aluminum foil and stick it in the freezer.
When ever you are ready to use it, pop a cube out and put it in the microwave for about 45 seconds.
And there you have it!
First of all, Thank You to my very best friend Thresa for sharing this great idea with me!
If you want to make fresh food for your baby, you might run into a few strange semi-problems.
- One carrot, squash, sweet potato, makes way more than your baby is going to eat in one sitting.
- You don't have time to make a fresh meal for your baby every day.
Okay, go ahead and boil the whole squash. Puree it then set aside enough for your baby's dinner. Pour the rest into a...Ta Da da DAAAAAA! ICE TRAY!!!!
Cover it with plastic wrap or aluminum foil and stick it in the freezer.
When ever you are ready to use it, pop a cube out and put it in the microwave for about 45 seconds.
And there you have it!
September 4, 2008
Asleep
A child is the fleeting image of God.
Stroke their hand with your finger.
Tomorrow it will be the hand of an older child.
He says,
"When she laughs she looks like you"
When she sleeps, she looks like him.
Stroke their hand with your finger.
Tomorrow it will be the hand of an older child.
He says,
"When she laughs she looks like you"
When she sleeps, she looks like him.
September 3, 2008
Cleaning house, it could serve a double purpose
I have been looking for alternatives to the mainstream cleaning supplies for two reasons. My daughter is always hanging around when I am cleaning and, if I don't want to have to wait until she takes a nap, she could be breathing in harsh fumes. The next reason is cost. I totally bought in to the whole "You need forty different products to clean your bathroom and look at all the nasty microscopic stuff on your door knob! We have to disinfect the sewer!" marketing strategy. Costs have been going up and I realized after my last staggering trip to the local "lowest price guaranteed" store that most of what I buy is unnecessary. But this blog is about a little more, please bear with me.
What I learned while researching is that white vinegar is a natural cleanser. The recipe called for 1 cup of vinegar and 1 cup of water in a spray bottle, straight vinegar for the toilet bowl. For scouring the bathtub, baking soda is suggested. I tried it, it worked wonders. It may have just been psychological, but it seemed to work even better. Everything was very clean and bright. But what concerned me was the lack of disinfectant. And the lingering smell of vinegar. It only lasts a few hours, but still.
So back to the research. You know what I found? Herbs. Now, just hear me out. My grandmother uses Rosemary tea (made of fresh or dried rosemary, not teabags) to clean infected cuts. When my daughter's eczema cheeks got infected, I used this and it healed her in less than one day.
When I gave birth, I tore badly in two places. My mother made me a wash of rosemary tea to promote healing and soothing. So when I read that rosemary has disinfecting properties and that you could clean with it, I was not surprised. I also read that you can use Sage, Thyme, or Lavender. I tried it, it was great and even though I mixed it with vinegar there was no strong smell. But here is my point.
There is a school of thought that gives Sage as an herb that cleanses the spirit and expels negative energy from the home. People burn it in new houses to bless the energy inside. They "wash" themselves with its smoke if they feel weighed down by, perhaps, and encounter with a negative person or to dispel the evil eye. So, doesn't it follow to say that if you clean with healing herbs, not only are you cleaning your house but that you are on a regular basis (depending on how often you clean your bathroom and mop your floor) cleaning the energy of your house? It's abstract and obscure, you may say, but I am sharing it with you nonetheless. Happy cleaning.
"tree hugging family" is a blog about natural living. They have some great blogs about natural beauty products and home cleaning supplies that are worth checking out if you ever decide to ditch old Mr. Clean. Here is a link to their blog about 25 safe homemade cleaning supplies.
http://www.treehuggingfamily.com/25-safe-non-toxic-homemade-cleaning-supplies/
What I learned while researching is that white vinegar is a natural cleanser. The recipe called for 1 cup of vinegar and 1 cup of water in a spray bottle, straight vinegar for the toilet bowl. For scouring the bathtub, baking soda is suggested. I tried it, it worked wonders. It may have just been psychological, but it seemed to work even better. Everything was very clean and bright. But what concerned me was the lack of disinfectant. And the lingering smell of vinegar. It only lasts a few hours, but still.
So back to the research. You know what I found? Herbs. Now, just hear me out. My grandmother uses Rosemary tea (made of fresh or dried rosemary, not teabags) to clean infected cuts. When my daughter's eczema cheeks got infected, I used this and it healed her in less than one day.
When I gave birth, I tore badly in two places. My mother made me a wash of rosemary tea to promote healing and soothing. So when I read that rosemary has disinfecting properties and that you could clean with it, I was not surprised. I also read that you can use Sage, Thyme, or Lavender. I tried it, it was great and even though I mixed it with vinegar there was no strong smell. But here is my point.
There is a school of thought that gives Sage as an herb that cleanses the spirit and expels negative energy from the home. People burn it in new houses to bless the energy inside. They "wash" themselves with its smoke if they feel weighed down by, perhaps, and encounter with a negative person or to dispel the evil eye. So, doesn't it follow to say that if you clean with healing herbs, not only are you cleaning your house but that you are on a regular basis (depending on how often you clean your bathroom and mop your floor) cleaning the energy of your house? It's abstract and obscure, you may say, but I am sharing it with you nonetheless. Happy cleaning.
"tree hugging family" is a blog about natural living. They have some great blogs about natural beauty products and home cleaning supplies that are worth checking out if you ever decide to ditch old Mr. Clean. Here is a link to their blog about 25 safe homemade cleaning supplies.
http://www.treehuggingfamily.com/25-safe-non-toxic-homemade-cleaning-supplies/
September 2, 2008
Addicted to Approval
My husband is beautiful. When he gets attention, he definitely likes it. However, I have never told him how cute I think he is. I should, but I haven't, and his confidence and self worth has never wavered since we've gotten together. If he gets a compliment, he tells me about it and laughs. If he doesn't, he doesn't wonder why.
He never says,
"Do you like this?" in regards to his personal appearance or things that he does. He gives one hundred percent when he does something, whether he's doing his hair or building a shed. (He spends much more time doing his hair than I do). He's vain, yes, but he is not looking for approval. I know this because when I used to ask him why he worried so much about his appearance, or why it took him so long to chop onions, he actually said these words,
"Everything I do, I like to do well. It makes me feel good. Otherwise, there is no reason to do it."
Hm.
Then there is me. A large part of my communication with people goes like this:
"Did you like the food?"
"How do I look?"
"Did you read my blog? Did you like it?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"What do you think?"
"Look what I did!"
I don't do things for the joy of doing them. I do them so that other people can tell me how great I am. I need approval. If I don't get it, I think that I am useless.
And then there is my daughter. She is eight months old. Right now, she does not notice praise. When she crawled for the first time, I clapped and was obviously really excited and happy. The next day, she crawled again. I watched silently. She went a little further. Each day, she crawled further, faster, and I did not praise her once. I was happy, yes, ecstatic, but this is not what motivated her. What motivated her was an innate desire to learn and explore. We are all born with this desire but in many of us it is over taken by a learned desire for approval and everything around us feeds it.
Gold stars, A pluses, trophies and metals, competitions (who is the fastest, who wrote the best poem), getting paid for what you do, selling screenplays, getting signed for a record deal, winning America's Next Top Model, getting hired, getting casted. We feel that our purpose is to be the best at something.
An example I have is my neighbor's little boy. When he would come over to visit, I would give him crayons and paper. He is so addicted to praise that he would not even draw pictures. He would just make a mark on the paper and then look at me expectantly. When he was learning to write, if he drew, let's say, the "D" backwards and I told him that it went the other way, he would leave, or hide.
But babies don't want to be the best baby of the year. They don't want to be the fastest crawler. The first to cut a tooth. Likewise, they have no qualms about creating a scene in a library or farting during Sunday mass. They would never say to themselves, "What will people say?". When they get older, they don't want to draw pictures so that they will win prizes, they do it because it makes them happy. Neither do they worry about hurting any one's feelings if they do not like the food that was prepared. But as we get older, we learn to control ourselves and our bodies when in public and to use tact when presented with something that is far from our favorite. It is important to learn respect for other people's feelings. Not passing gas in the movie theater is more about respect than self-consciousness. Unfortunately, the tactics that are used to teach these things also teach us that other people's approval is how we should measure our self-worth.
If I burp in a fancy restaurant and my mother says "You are disgusting" or even "Don't do that, it's disgusting", I am not learning that I should be respectful of others; I am learning that my behavior displeases my mother. So next time, I might wait until we leave the restaurant and say "Aren't you happy? I didn't burp during dinner!" And then she will say, "Yes! You are such a good girl!" and from now on, everything I do will be aimed at getting someone else to tell me that I am good, that I have made them happy instead of doing things that make me feel good and make me happy.
So maybe it would help more if she said " Let's not make too much noise, so everyone can enjoy their dinner. If you have to burp, cover your mouth with your hand and say 'Excuse me'".
It's gonna happen anyway. When she goes to school, everything will be geared toward getting the highest score and doing things that make the teacher say "Good job!", "Great drawing!", "Excellent paper". But if I do the same thing at home, her need for praise will be that much stronger. So, maybe, if she comes to me with a clay heart that she shaped, instead of saying, "Oh, that's wonderful!", I can say, "You made a heart out of clay! Was that fun? " So now, instead of shaping her to do things to get a reaction from me, I am making her think about how she feels about what she has done. I don't think it's evil to say "It's wonderful". But it may not do any good.
For now, I'll show my excitement when she does something new because I want to express my joy but then I will let her continue on her way. If she learns to put the square block in the square hole, I'll smile to my self and let my heart swell and then give her another square block without saying anything. My expressions of love should come consistently but not as a reward. Outside influences are inevitable, but, for a long time, I will be the strongest influence. She should know that she should not do things that hurt others but I would like to help her keep the belief she was born with: that life is about finding her happiness, not about causing it in others.
Sources: Whole Child, Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends, Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D., The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff and these links:
http://www.todaysparent.com/schoolage/article.jsp?content=20061003_165740_408&page=1
http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html
He never says,
"Do you like this?" in regards to his personal appearance or things that he does. He gives one hundred percent when he does something, whether he's doing his hair or building a shed. (He spends much more time doing his hair than I do). He's vain, yes, but he is not looking for approval. I know this because when I used to ask him why he worried so much about his appearance, or why it took him so long to chop onions, he actually said these words,
"Everything I do, I like to do well. It makes me feel good. Otherwise, there is no reason to do it."
Hm.
Then there is me. A large part of my communication with people goes like this:
"Did you like the food?"
"How do I look?"
"Did you read my blog? Did you like it?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"What do you think?"
"Look what I did!"
I don't do things for the joy of doing them. I do them so that other people can tell me how great I am. I need approval. If I don't get it, I think that I am useless.
And then there is my daughter. She is eight months old. Right now, she does not notice praise. When she crawled for the first time, I clapped and was obviously really excited and happy. The next day, she crawled again. I watched silently. She went a little further. Each day, she crawled further, faster, and I did not praise her once. I was happy, yes, ecstatic, but this is not what motivated her. What motivated her was an innate desire to learn and explore. We are all born with this desire but in many of us it is over taken by a learned desire for approval and everything around us feeds it.
Gold stars, A pluses, trophies and metals, competitions (who is the fastest, who wrote the best poem), getting paid for what you do, selling screenplays, getting signed for a record deal, winning America's Next Top Model, getting hired, getting casted. We feel that our purpose is to be the best at something.
An example I have is my neighbor's little boy. When he would come over to visit, I would give him crayons and paper. He is so addicted to praise that he would not even draw pictures. He would just make a mark on the paper and then look at me expectantly. When he was learning to write, if he drew, let's say, the "D" backwards and I told him that it went the other way, he would leave, or hide.
But babies don't want to be the best baby of the year. They don't want to be the fastest crawler. The first to cut a tooth. Likewise, they have no qualms about creating a scene in a library or farting during Sunday mass. They would never say to themselves, "What will people say?". When they get older, they don't want to draw pictures so that they will win prizes, they do it because it makes them happy. Neither do they worry about hurting any one's feelings if they do not like the food that was prepared. But as we get older, we learn to control ourselves and our bodies when in public and to use tact when presented with something that is far from our favorite. It is important to learn respect for other people's feelings. Not passing gas in the movie theater is more about respect than self-consciousness. Unfortunately, the tactics that are used to teach these things also teach us that other people's approval is how we should measure our self-worth.
If I burp in a fancy restaurant and my mother says "You are disgusting" or even "Don't do that, it's disgusting", I am not learning that I should be respectful of others; I am learning that my behavior displeases my mother. So next time, I might wait until we leave the restaurant and say "Aren't you happy? I didn't burp during dinner!" And then she will say, "Yes! You are such a good girl!" and from now on, everything I do will be aimed at getting someone else to tell me that I am good, that I have made them happy instead of doing things that make me feel good and make me happy.
So maybe it would help more if she said " Let's not make too much noise, so everyone can enjoy their dinner. If you have to burp, cover your mouth with your hand and say 'Excuse me'".
It's gonna happen anyway. When she goes to school, everything will be geared toward getting the highest score and doing things that make the teacher say "Good job!", "Great drawing!", "Excellent paper". But if I do the same thing at home, her need for praise will be that much stronger. So, maybe, if she comes to me with a clay heart that she shaped, instead of saying, "Oh, that's wonderful!", I can say, "You made a heart out of clay! Was that fun? " So now, instead of shaping her to do things to get a reaction from me, I am making her think about how she feels about what she has done. I don't think it's evil to say "It's wonderful". But it may not do any good.
For now, I'll show my excitement when she does something new because I want to express my joy but then I will let her continue on her way. If she learns to put the square block in the square hole, I'll smile to my self and let my heart swell and then give her another square block without saying anything. My expressions of love should come consistently but not as a reward. Outside influences are inevitable, but, for a long time, I will be the strongest influence. She should know that she should not do things that hurt others but I would like to help her keep the belief she was born with: that life is about finding her happiness, not about causing it in others.
Sources: Whole Child, Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends, Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D., The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff and these links:
http://www.todaysparent.com/schoolage/article.jsp?content=20061003_165740_408&page=1
http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html
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