Pacifiers

Since my daughter was born, we've been waiting for her to grow up. We want her to open her eyes, to hold her head up. To grab things, roll over, crawl. And we have been encouraging her to do all of these things. Since she was four months old we have been showing her how crawling is done, luring her with tempting objects like keys and cell phones. From birth her dad has been enunciating words for her like Mama and Papa. We want her to clap. To eat solid foods. So tell me, why did I feel like I was burying something when I took her pacifier away? I realized; my baby is never going to use a pacifier again in her life. A part of me hoped it would be harder. That she would miss it so much that I would be forced to return it to her. The first night after she finished her milk, in her sleep she moved her head around, mouth open, looking for the pacifier and my heart broke. I almost gave it to her. I would have except she threw it out of her stroller and I decided not to buy another one. But the next night, she had forgotten all about it. When I pack for her, I think I need the pacifier, but I don't. I keep wanting to change my mind. Even though she doesn't miss it, I do.
It seems she is just fine with growing up. Like she's all grown all ready, she's just waiting for her brain to catch up. Every time she hits a milestone, with the excitement and pride comes a little sadness. Like she's about to jump out of an airplane, or get married, and I can't hold on to her anymore. And it's only been eight months!
I understand now, really understand. A very kind man who sat next to me on the plane when my baby was crying because of an earache told me that these kinds of things happen when you have a baby and I should not worry, and that they should make me appreciate what my mother went through. It's true. But watching my baby grow and having to let her...go, makes me understand what my mother still goes through.