Rapunzle

Would you place your child in front of a herd of stampeding elephants? Well, what about a herd of stampeding kids? Jumping off slides, fighting for toys, pushing each other, calling each other names. Adults sitting on the surrounding benches staring off into space.
I was at the kiddie area in the mall, next to the food court.

Maybe it was the aspect of too many kids stuck inside their apartments for two months now released onto a tiny area of playthings. I was never assailed with this kind of chaos in the park during the summer. There, it seemed all the kids wanted to play with each other and parents strolled around the blacktopped play ground, laughing.
Here, everyone was either severely hyperactive or just plain mean.
As one little girl shoved my slow moving toddler out of the tunnel then sprawled out, pretending to sleep, an unruffled Ms. Foo, ever friendly, began speaking to her in gibberish. The child opened her eyes wide, stared at Ms. Foo and yelled
"Shut. UP!!!" And a herd of elephants knocked Ms. Foo to the ground. She crawled over to one of the puzzles attached to the wall.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!" I wanted to yell at every passing blur of sneakers and loose teeth. Of course she was oblivious. But it made me think of the future as an older boy shouldered his way in to the wall puzzle and left Ms. Foo knocked on the floor again.
The future. Or was it the past? Shoving, getting knocked down, ganged up on, made fun of. I remember how awful it was. In some ways, worse than anything I've gone through in my adult life. Who wants that for their kid?
But, short of keeping her locked in a tower, I don't see any way to avoid it. I know a lot of it has to do with her size, her wobbliness, that as she becomes more steady she won't get knocked down as much. She'll learn to hold her own.
I said to a family member,
"I know she has to learn to defend herself, but..."
and she said,
"Why? Why does it have to be like that?" Well, why? Now, so adventurous, fearless, will that be quelled by bullies and name callers? Do I just have to set her to the wind and watch as she battles an unfriendly world?
Then I remember the summer. Kids running free and parents glorying in the warm weather. But, summer doesn't last forever. School starts, kids get to play for two fifteen minute breaks a day. Winter. Indoor playgrounds. Hibernating parents. My daughter growing, she gets so big, it's not necessary for me to follow her around anymore. But I want to. I want to follow her around for ever.
"Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!"
Do I want that to turn into,
"Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" Do I give her my fear? No, of course not. I look at her, so sweet, her smile so wide and trusting that all is good and fun and especially for her to love and enjoy. A level of pure happiness we strive towards for the rest of out lives. Something we had before and then lost.
Then lose again and again and again.
She will have to learn by example. I have to overcome my own fears. I, myself, must be upright and solid. Something I've always struggled with. But there is nothing like having a child to make you change your ways.
One visit to an indoor playground in the middle of cabin fever season is all you need.